Bitch Face

Every summer I have to put my Bitch Face on and this summer is no exception. I hate wearing my Bitch Face. I like to be the person who gets along with everyone and who has fun at work. Unfortunately, there are some people who just won’t let me keep my Bitch Face in storage. People such as:

New servers: Please don’t tell me you don’t know how to empty the trash. There are four large Dumpsters in the parking lot which you have to walk past every time you come to work. Don’t tell me you don’t have some remedial understanding about what goes in them. Also, don’t tell me you don’t know where the new garbage bags are. How long have you worked here?? What it boils down to is you are lazy and you aren’t doing your share of the work.

Cooks: When I call back an appetizer it means my customers want to eat it sometime before Christ returns. Pay attention! Stop flirting with the new servers! And don’t try to blame me. When I called it back and you were standing a foot away, looking right at me, I thought you were actually doing your job. I should have noticed the glazed expression in your eyes and known the blood had left your brain and went to your other head.

Speaking of blame: Don’t put half my order up in the window while you monkey dance around the kitchen for 10 minutes before putting the rest of the food up. Saying, “It was hot when I put it up there, you took too long to take it out” makes me want to reach through the window and strangle you. It also makes you look retarded because this happens to all the servers and we’re on to you.

Cashiers: Don’t fuck up my money! This, more than anything, pisses me off. It is a simple job. Put the money and credit card slips in the correct bag. At the end of the night when I go through my credit card slips and I see other servers’ tips mixed in with mine, I am going to make you cry. This means other servers got some of my credit card tips and who the hell knows about the cash. Again, you are going to cry and tell everyone, “Glory’s mean” and my manager will ask why I’m being mean and I will tell him and you will most likely lose your job. Then you will hate me and try to sabotage my car, but my car lives to sabotage itself so your effort will be wasted. Do it right!

Hostesses: Please think! Stop skipping servers in the rotation or we will start seating ourselves. Don’t bombard a server. How many tables in her section have menus? Is she currently taking an order from a big table? If you absolutely have to seat her, take the table water and get their drink order. If we are wait-listed it is better for people to wait at the door than to sit at a table and wonder where their server is. Again, think!


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. darcknyt
    Jun 10, 2009 @ 19:42:43

    I always joke with my wife that people don't use their brains, despite the fact that it came FREE with the package. FREE! Startling. And sad.


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