Last night I glanced over at the cash register and I saw Kayla, our cashier/hostess, sinking in a sea of impatient humans. I went over to see if I could help her and I came up with a list of Things I Don’t Care About Right Now.
1. “The ladies’ room is out of paper towels.” Don’t care. Not at all. You want to know why? Because as far as I’m concerned, you can use your pants as a paper towel. You can use toilet paper. You can re-use paper towels from the trash. My job is feeding people and when we are wait listed, caring about the restrooms is way, way down on my list of priorities. So unless it’s on fire, don’t waste your time telling me about the restrooms.
2. “I need a job application.” Are you fucking kidding me? You had to shove your way through all these people to ask for a JOB? You have obviously never worked in a restaurant. People who come in looking for a job at lunchtime or during the dinner rush have “IDIOT!” scrawled across their application before it is left on The Manager’s desk. He then throws those in the trash.
3. “Do you have a pen so I can fill out my job application?” Seriously?! Where do you think you are going to sit and fill that out? If you think you are going to sit at the one unoccupied table which 30 families are fighting for, you are sorely mistaken. And yes, I did hear you the first time, I’m ignoring you because I don’t have the time to tell you how stupid you are.
4. “Do you know how long I’ve been waiting?” Well, since your name isn’t at the top of the list, I’m guessing you haven’t been waiting as long as the person who’s name is. Deal with it.
5. “Those people were seated before me.” What might be the reason for that? We have a table for 2 open and there were 2 in their party while there are 7 in yours or, we like them better. You decide.
6. “You didn’t call my name.” Yes, I did. I called your name outside 3 times and inside 3 times. Either you weren’t paying attention or you don’t know your own name. Sorry, don’t care. We’ll try again when the next table opens.
7. “We’ve been here 20 minutes and my name’s not on the list.” Who’s fault is that? I’ve heard Kayla yelling for the past 30 minutes for people to get on the list and I’ve been calling names off a list for the past 15 minutes. Get with the program.
8. “The hostess said our wait would be 10 minutes and it’s been 15 already.” You want I should kill her? It will slow me down, but I’ll do it if it will make you happy.
While these are the things I don’t care about and will pretty much just ignore, there are things I do care about that will not help your situation:
1. Being rude to the cashier/hostess. She really is doing the best she can. Lay off her.
2. Being hostile and insulting to me when I try to seat you. Do you want to wait LONGER?
3. Having no humour. I enjoy my job; it’s best if you relax and have fun while you’re here.