Top 10 Free Samples

I am constantly asked for free samples. This is not Sam’s Club or Costco, folks. This is a restaurant and we are in the business of selling food for a profit.

Here are the top 10 requests for samples

10. Micro Brew Beer
It’s beer. What we sell is good beer. We carry most of the domestics, as well as a nice selection of micro brews: a dark ale, an amber ale, 2 wheats, and a lager. Unless you turned 21 today, you have a pretty good idea what a dark beer tastes like. You do not need a sample. I am happy to explain what each beer is like, where they are made and the name of the brewery. What I am not happy to do is run my ass to the back of the house and fetch you 5 different samples of beer only to have you order a Coors Light draft for $1.


9. Soup
Do you know what soup is? It’s leftovers and water. For Tara Raymond & her sister Tammy at The Landing in Cody, soup making is an artform. Most other places take what they didn’t serve the night before and turn it into something cheap & hot you can eat with bread. Unless you have been in a cave for most of your life, you know what chicken noodle soup or cream of broccoli soup taste like. Asking for a sample is guaranteed to get a sneer out of your server.

8. Hot Wings
This is an appetizer which takes the most amount of time to cook. Asking for a sample of the sauce is understandable, but asking for a wing sample is like asking to eat sometime in Neveruary.

What the hell did I order?

7. Chili
This is closely related to soup. You know what chili tastes like. It is either hot or it’s not. It either has lots of beans or lots of meat. In our case, it has lots of both and it’s really good. Live on the wild side and order a bowl.

6. Pulled Pork
Oh. My. God. It’s a pork roast. Do you really need a sample?

5. Beef Brisket
Oh. My. God. It’s a beef roast. Do you really need a sample? I’m sure you’ve had beef roast at least once in your life before you stumbled in this restaurant.

4. Lemon Buttermilk/Chocolate Buttermilk Pie
Okay. These are tricky ones. I would say at least 95% of our summer customers have never tried either of these types of pies. Again, I am happy to explain them. The lemon buttermilk is like a lemon custard and the chocolate buttermilk is like a brownie pie. Both are awesome. Unfortunately, I can’t give out samples because our pies are cut in slices. The person who actually orders a piece of pie is going to be pissed when it’s missing a bite.

You bastard!

3. Corn Nuggets
Again, these appetizers are not found everywhere. However, I can’t give you and your family one each because a sample would be equilivent to an order. That’s free food. The owner frowns upon it.

2. Sausage
Sausage is sausage. When I tell you it is a polish sausage, you should have a pretty good idea what I’m talking about. This is a main course that takes about 15 minutes to cook. Do you really want to wait that long just to sample something you’ve been eating since elementary school?

1. Rocky Mountain Oysters
At least once a night someone asks me for a free bull ball just so they can tell their friends they’ve eaten one.

This is the most annoying request because of the steps involved. I have to ask the kitchen for 1 ball. The kitchen has to cook the 1 ball and make sure it gets to me and not some other server who needs a free sample. Meanwhile, all the other orders are held up because the fryer is cooking 1 ball. Then you are going to want a side of ranch, cocktail sauce or both to dip your 1 ball in.

The total cost to you is nothing since you just wanted 1 ball and had no intention of buying a full order.

The cost to the restaurant is about $1.50 for each person who wants 1 ball.

The cost to me is a lower overall tip percentage since I’m ignoring my other customers while I chase down your 1 ball, the kitchen is pissed at me because now they are behind, The Manager is pissed at me for giving away free food and since you’re too cheap to pay for what you want, you are going to be too cheap to tip me.

So guess what? Get out your wallet and don’t ask for a free ball.

You’ll have better luck getting a free ball from him.

3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Vanessa (DarcsFalcon)
    Jul 30, 2009 @ 01:31:20

    ROFL I would never, EVER try a rocky mountain oyster! EVER!!

    But those pies sound delicious! I just might order a slice of each. 😀


  2. darcknyt
    Jul 31, 2009 @ 10:20:44

    That last picture … I'm going to have nightmares … so much pain …


  3. Holly
    Jul 31, 2009 @ 14:10:57

    I actually saw worse in my search. Stupid people and bulls with horns don't mix.


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