My Fat Ass

This summer I have seriously put on some weight. My fat pants are tight and I think I’m getting a turkey waddle under my chin.

For months I’ve been racking my brain, trying to figure out why my ass is growing at an alarming rate. Could it be the ice cream or the after work food binges? Maybe the candy bars or the morning lattes? Is it possible I have a thyroid problem?

Yesterday I was talking to Darren and he popped a No-Doze. He said he was trying to stay away from Mountain Dew since he noticed he was developing a paunch.

Holy cow! Could that be it?! Last spring I switched from Pepsi, as my drink of choice, to Mountain Dew. Could a soft drink that looks like pee be the reason I’m buying pants from Big Bob’s Tent and Awning? If I switch back to Pepsi, will I stop hearing that beeping noise when I back up?

I hope switching back to Pepsi is the answer because the alternative is joining the gym and I’m way too fat for that.

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. DarcsFalcon
    Sep 23, 2009 @ 11:33:37

    OH MY GOSH that cartoon is killing me! ROFL!!

    I vote Pepsi. But then, I always vote Pepsi, because I am the Pepsi generation. 😉

    Reply

  2. steve
    Sep 23, 2009 @ 13:06:40

    Mountain dew not only addictive but high in calories. You are perfect the way you are I can just tell that though. But hey try more water fills you up and no calories…flavored water works for some…zman sends

    Reply

  3. Holly
    Sep 23, 2009 @ 13:41:08

    Thanks Zman. I'd like to think I'm perfect just the way I am. 🙂 As for water…I hate it. I know all of its benefits, but I hate it anyway.

    Reply

  4. darcknyt
    Sep 23, 2009 @ 14:32:28

    I'm with you on water. And if the switch doesn't work I'm gonna be bummed. If it does let us know and I'll start drinking Pepsi too. 🙂

    Reply

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