Top 5 Reasons the New Hire Sucks

One of the servers put in her two weeks notice yesterday and since The Manager has been gone less than 24 hours it really pissed him off. He picked the first warm body he could find as a replacement. Its name is Jennifer.
Here are the top 5 reasons I don’t see this working out.
5. She is unreliable.
She worked at the restaurant briefly the same summer I started. The reason it was briefly was because she decided to split town one day and did a no call/no show and lost her job. I see this happening again.
4. She knows my true nature.
Every interaction we have ends with, “Fuck you, Glory! You are such a bitch.” Yes, I know. So why do you keep talking to me? You KNOW I don’t like you and I’m going to make you cry. This is not going to be conducive to a good working relationship.
3. She is drunk. All. The. Time.
Last summer we had a different crew at the restaurant…a crew that had a drinking problem. We all went out pretty frequently and whenever or where ever we went, Jennifer was there, drunk, falling down and taking tables and chairs with her. One night my friend Sunni said we had to help her. I was perfectly content to watch her fall down and cry. It wasn’t bothering me in the least.
So Sunni picked her up, put her in a chair (the bar we hung out in had a really bad sense of humour…there were wheels on the chairs. All the easier for drunks to fall out of) and started telling her how she could improve her life. Now if there is one thing that makes me lose my buzz, it’s one drunk telling another how to turn their life around, so I left the table and sat at the bar. Plus, Jennifer kept baring her teeth at me. Like a rabid dog. A rabid, drunk dog. I figured it was a matter of time before I cleaned the floor with her face so I took myself out of the situation.

Not 5 minutes later I heard a crash. Jennifer had fallen out of her chair, and was sitting on the floor bawling. She shouted, “Fuck you, Sunni!”, reached up and yanked Sunni’s earring out. Since no good deed goes unpunished, she also dumped over Sunni’s beer and punched her in the back before running out of the bar.

2. She is a “stupid whore”.
One night I went into the bathroom at the Silver Dollar Bar and written on the wall in black permanent marker was: “Jennifer Dumbass is a stupid whore.” Written in pen beside this proclamation was: “It’s Dumas”. She corrected the spelling of her last name, just to clear up any confusion, but she didn’t refute the stupid whore business.
1. She is naked a lot.
One night after Jennifer’s boyfriend du jour dumped her, she combined the drunk/falling/crying gig with nudity. Then, just in case people didn’t think she was crazy/pathetic enough, she walked down Sheridan Avenue buck ass naked, crying and falling down. In winter. In Wyoming. She got a ride to the Park County Detention Center, where she was a guest for the weekend, and $500 in fines for public intoxication and indecent exposure.

Hey you! Why aren’t you naked?

She starts work on Monday. Arg.


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. whatigotsofar
    Sep 29, 2009 @ 15:50:33

    Everyone needs a job, right?


  2. darcknyt
    Sep 29, 2009 @ 16:16:12

    Ooo-kaaayyyy … does your manager actually have a brain, or does he just not opt to use it? The rehire of idiots and morons and unreliable personnel, regardless of business need, is not intelligent, and bodes poorly for the business acumen of said manager.

    Wow. Good luck. Should provide awesome blog fodder for a bit.


  3. DarcsFalcon
    Sep 29, 2009 @ 17:46:02

    I think my former neighbor has moved to WY. I swear, they sound so much alike it's scary to think there's more than one person like that on the planet!

    But #2 cracked me up! ROFL


  4. Holly
    Sep 29, 2009 @ 22:30:00

    WIGSF: you are only positive because of the naked part.

    Knyt: I know what The Manager is doing. He thinks she will be easy to train since she worked there before and the known evil is better than the unknown. I think it's BS. I've seen him get into a bind and hire people who totally screwed him (and the business) over in the past. The second time around the screwing is so bad, he doesn't even get a kiss on the lips and neither do the rest of us.

    Falcon: It is sad that we all seem to know at least one person like this. For the longest time I had a picture on my cell phone of the writing on the restroom wall. I'd look at it every time I needed a good laugh.


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