The Results are In

It was neck & neck between elk hunting and the new hire, but elk hunting won.  New hire story will be tomorrow.

Monday night I had a bevy of elderly men all dressed in camo and talking to each other about the day’s elk hunt.  It didn’t take me long to realize that the Stupid Bus had dropped them off in the parking lot and by some magical luck they managed to find the front door.

The first set of guys were so bad, I could feel them sucking my IQ.  They ordered the All You Can Eat rib special and as I was gathering their menus the spokesman asked, “So where do the ribs come from?”

I don’t try to be a smart ass, but I get so many questions that truly baffle me I usually answer with the obvious.  I said, “Uh…the kitchen?”

He said, “Oh, so we don’t go up there (pointing at the salad bar) and get them ourselves?”  Um…when you examined the salad bar before you were seated, did you see any ribs up there or just, well, salad?

I brought their ribs to the table and the guy asked, “So when we want more, do we go to the kitchen and get them?”  I said, “No, this is a restaurant.  I bring your food to you.”  He snapped, “Well we’ve never been to this restaurant before.  We don’t know how it works.”  Uh…okay, you’re telling me you’ve NEVER been to a restaurant cuz they all work pretty much the same.  Needless to say, tipping wasn’t in his experience either.

Next group of guys ordered the ribs as well.  I asked what they wanted as their side dishes and the spokesman asked what we have.  I said, slowly, “The choices are listed at the top of the menu under ‘Dinner’.  We have Cole slaw, potato salad, corn on the cob, baked beans, French fries, baked potato or new potatoes.”  In unison, all four of them said, “I’ll have mashed potatoes…”  One guy ordered mashed potatoes twice.  Turn your hearing aids up; I didn’t say nuthin’ ’bout no mashed ‘tatoes.  Yep, IQ is slipping away.

I had four other tables of old guys who acted like they escaped from a day camp for senior citizens with special needs.  I was dumber for the experience.  So it begs the question:  How will they hunt with long range rifles without shooting each other?  If they can’t negotiate a menu or a routine dining experience, how will they keep from getting lost in the woods and resorting to cannibalism?  This is not a 2nd Amendment question, but rather one of common sense and fear.


5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. steve
    Nov 04, 2009 @ 14:21:58

    Kind of scary who they will give a hunting license and rifle too huh…hope your day gets better…stay warm…zman sends


  2. darcknyt
    Nov 04, 2009 @ 14:22:53

    Boy, I'll tell you what — if I want to go elk hunting (and I don't), I'll just do it alone, where no one else is.

    I'm a little more afraid of the woods in autumn now. 🙂


  3. DarcsFalcon
    Nov 04, 2009 @ 20:35:43

    LOL I'd have gone the smart ass route. Where do the ribs come from? The cow! Or the pig, whichever the case may be. 🙂

    I can't believe they all said mashed potatoes! That's so funny! Duh, dudes, has the sound of gunfire damaged your hearing?


  4. blunt delivery
    Nov 04, 2009 @ 23:07:18

    ah, my second job is as a waitress. this is my first experience.

    we shall relish in the stories together.


  5. Holly
    Nov 05, 2009 @ 00:52:01

    And stories you shall have. Best of luck as you wade into this crazy occupation!


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