Open Mouth, Insert…

Little manager Darren and I argue.  About everything.  Sometimes it’s “the sky is green” type of arguing, sometimes it’s the type of arguing which causes everyone to run and hide.  We don’t limit our bickering to work either.  We’ve flipped out on one another in bars and we once had the cops called on us when we got into a fight in a convenience store. 

The first three months we worked together we spent all our time trying to get the other fired.  I thought he was a smart assed brat kid and he thought I was a smart assed bitch.  Two and a half years later we wouldn’t know how to work without each other, but that doesn’t stop our mouths from engaging without our brains.

Tonight while I was pouring a beer, Darren came in the beer room and said, “You’re doing it wrong.”

“How am I doing it wrong?”

“Don’t pour the first foam down the drain.  That’s your head.”

“Head.”  Snort.  “I’ll give you head.”

Yep.  I said it.  While the words were crossing my lips I knew I FAILed on the comeback.

Darren just laughed and said, “Oh snap.  You burned yourself.”

How about you?  Ever have the absolute WRONG thing come out of your mouth?


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. DarcKnyt
    Dec 02, 2009 @ 00:42:00

    Oh, I’ve done this so many times it hurts. So many I’ve lost count. But they were all when I was pretty young; I’ve learned often and well not to let things tumble off my tongue without reading them over for such anomalies first.

    Still, I know they’re like time bombs, ticking away, waiting for us … to screw up … to FAIL. 😉

    I usually think first, too, and by the time my mouth opens I realize what a blunder I’m going to make. Then I just stand there looking like a fish out of water.


  2. DarcsFalcon
    Dec 02, 2009 @ 00:56:52


    Oh I can’t breathe! That’s so freakin’ funny!

    I thought it was pretty funny, too. I’ve accepted that my goofs are what make me, me.

    I asked one of the cooks, who used to do flooring, how to get glue-down carpet up. He said, “I can come to your house and look at your carpet.” In a business full of juvenile minds this caused no end of giggles and rib poking.


  3. Sherri
    Dec 02, 2009 @ 07:19:58


    I do that all the frickin’ time. Usually it’s a joke I think will go over great, but either it offends the person or they just look at me with a blank stare. For a while, that tendency made me extremely timid with strangers, but now I try to remember that my faux pas are just what I do, and it’s not something to hate myself over.

    It’s nice when we finally get old enough to accept ourselves for what we are.

    Yours is funny, though.


  4. nursemyra
    Dec 06, 2009 @ 05:02:06

    I like the snort 😉

    I find I snort a lot around young men who think they know everything.


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