Santa’s Cousin Ted

Santa’s Cousin Ted came in for dinner tonight. Cousin Ted has been in before, and what makes him noticable, other than the foot long white beard, is his refusal to talk to me. I know he can talk, he just won’t talk to anyone other than his wife (Mrs. Santa’s Cousin?).

So Mrs. Santa’s Cousin always orders. “Ted will have the ribs with corn and fries.” “Ted will have coffee with cream.” The way she talks about him as if he’s not there, it’s like he’s Santa’s Mentally Challenged Cousin Ted. Except, when I walk by their table, I can hear both of them carrying on a regular conversation.

Darren and I decided he’s the Santa who gives out the coal to bad boys and girls. He looks enough like Santa that he can make deliveries to the naughty, but Santa gets to keep his hands clean by only giving out the good stuff.

Sort of like the Catholic Church hiring out the wholesale slaughter of the western Native Americans.

Oops. Did I say that?

Yep. You can’t change history and I’m going to hell.

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. DarcKnyt
    Dec 16, 2009 @ 04:31:03

    Ha! Santa’s Cousin Ted sounds like an interesting, if somewhat rude, bloke. I love me some local small-town flavah. 😉

    They come in regularly and tip well. Maybe he’s afraid he’ll order the wrong thing. Or maybe his wife beats him. Ha.

    Reply

  2. DarcsFalcon
    Dec 16, 2009 @ 14:23:40

    That’s odd that he won’t speak to anyone but her. Maybe it’s their deal – he cheated on her once and his penalty is that he can’t speak to any other human beings but her.

    HAHAHA! I never thought of that.

    And you won’t go to Hell for telling the truth. 🙂

    Yeah, the truth hurts.

    Reply

  3. Sherri
    Dec 18, 2009 @ 06:35:03

    Sounds like an older country couple I know who call each other Mom and Daddy, and it’s Mom’s job to wait on Daddy hand and foot. He’s the king and doesn’t have to lift a finger to help himself if Mom’s around. Actually, I know lots of older couples with that mindset, even if they don’t take it as far as Mom and Daddy do.

    Lots of older couples have the understanding that there is a “woman’s world” and a “man’s world”. He does everything out of the house…works, mows the lawn, fixes the car…and she does everything in the house…cooking, laundry, cleaning & waiting on him. If they are happy with that arrangement, more power to them.

    Reply

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