Hockey Moms

I walked into the biggest cluster fuck tonight.

Have I mentioned how much I hate hockey moms? Well, I do. Every year from December until February they come in the restaurant, let their kids run wild, and harass, berate and bully the staff until everyone is flustered enough to cry, punch walls or throw the cash register.

It doesn’t matter what age the kids are or what town they are from, there are always one or two moms in a group of 30 who are bossy, arrogant jerks who think they need to tell us how to do our jobs because they have decided they are going to organize and control dinner for everyone and BY GOD the restaurant employees are going to listen to them. 

What’s that saying about herding cats?  Oh yeah.  It doesn’t happen.

Don’t get me wrong.  We appreciate the business and most hockey parents tip well, but WOW!  Why does every dining experience have to start out as a pissing contest? 

This is my 3rd winter of dealing with hockey parents and in the past I have gone so far as to tell one woman she could either sit where she was seated and shut up or she could get the fuck out of the restaurant. Interestingly enough, she sat down and shut up and two of her companions, as they were leaving, handed me an extra $5 each for “finally putting her in her place”. Just doing my job, ma’am.

So tonight I walked into the restaurant to see the dining room FULL of hockey parents and misbehaving kids. One woman was by the salad bar yelling at Chetto, kids were running all over screaming and throwing things. It looked like Chuck E. Cheese on meth.

Like this only with parental supervision.

The woman was screaming that everyone was going to leave because Jamie was rude.  No, Jamie was trying to seat you, but you decided you own the restaurant and you can do whatever you damn well please.  Just because you don’t get your way, it doesn’t mean Jamie is a bad person.  She screamed, “You are going to lose $200 because your hostess and your waitress are rude.” 

Chetto, Anna and I all gave her the dumb look and said, “Okay” in unison. 

This times three.

This times three.

I have learned that when indignation is met with apathy, it takes the wind right out of a person’s sails. 

She glared at the three of us, stomped back to her table, and rounded everyone up to leave with a battle cry of “Pizza Hut!”  Then somehow they all ended up back in their places except for one guy who kept following me around demanding to talk to a manager.  I straight out acted like I couldn’t see or hear him and pretty soon he got the hint and actually started being helpful. 

In the end, after the two women sat down and acted like customers instead of like owners, we were able to do our jobs and everyone got good food and service.  When it became apparent that nobody gave a rats ass, the bitching and bullying stopped and everyone had a delightful dining experience. 

Hockey moms:  They’re why I smoke.


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. DarcKnyt
    Dec 20, 2009 @ 10:34:22

    These people act like they’ve been ingesting cocktails of testosterone and steroids for most of their lives. I understand they have a competitive nature — that’s how their kids ended up being in hockey, soccer, football, whatever in the first place — but for God’s sake, WTF IS YOUR PROBLEM?!

    Hockey is the WORST. With the school sports, we only see coaches and they tell the kids to be on their best behaviour. Hockey parents have such a sense of entitlement (and you know how that pisses me off) because it costs a lot of money to play hockey and travel, therefore, they are better than all of us. My son played hockey for 1 year and I wanted to kill all the parents. Horrible, horrible people.

    I’m with you. Actually, I’m more for the “put ’em in their places” you of winters past, but this sort of sh*t makes me hopping.mad.


  2. DarcsFalcon
    Dec 20, 2009 @ 13:18:31

    What is UP with people like that?! And of course, it’s always made worse by them traveling in packs, like a bunch of wild dogs. Good for you for showing them who’s boss!

    I have two more months of fighting with hockey moms. Ugh. You’d think the word would get out about the restaurant staff, me especially, but nooo.


  3. Claire
    Dec 21, 2009 @ 02:27:41

    Oh man, that sounds hugely trying. All hail the power of the dumb look!


    And we all thought Bush really was dumb. It was actually a strategic look designed to make his opponent walk away. Ha!


  4. whatigotsofar
    Dec 21, 2009 @ 07:03:54

    Hockey moms are vicious, nasty creatures. I come from hockey moms natural habitat, Canada. The one good thing about hockey moms is they stand out. Always wearing their child’s team jacket, they can be spotted easily at a distance. In my experience, there is no way to properly subdue them when they get rolling into one of their more bitchy moods.

    Meeting a bigger bitch subdues them. I’m that bigger bitch.

    I’m glad to see somebody put them in their place, but in the US, they are a minority. Not like up here, where, they are frankly, everywhere and they don’t hibernate in the summer like they do in the US. In Canada, they’re a year-round annoyance.

    I figured you would know all about hockey moms. My son played a wide variety of sports while he was growing up and the only sport where I truly thought about killing people was hockey.


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