Why is it so damned hard to buy a bra and underwear? Why does this simple task turn into a 2 hour ordeal?
Guys have three selections of undergarments: boxers, briefs and boxer briefs. They come in cotton for everyday comfort, flannel to keep the family jewels warm or silk for the feminine experience of having a wad of fabric up your butt.
Statistics say most women are wearing the wrong size bra. To hell with that. I’d just like to find one that doesn’t feel like it’s strung together with razor wire. What the hell do they sew these up with anyway?
And the choices. There are demis, full cut, push up, front closure, back closure, front adjusters, back adjusters, underwire, T-back, crisscross to lift and separate (not sure what that means), padded, lightly padded, not padded at all, lace, cotton, silk, micro-fiber. Most baffling to me are the ones with the seams running right across your nipples. Who buys that shit?
Then there’s underwear. Hi-cut, bikini, boy briefs, rear scoop, gentle support, full support, granny (those are the ones you can tuck into your bra) and they come in cotton, satin, micro-fiber and lace. LACE? Who the hell wants lace abrading their lady parts?
Don’t even get me started on thongs or g-strings or whatever the hell you want to call them. They aren’t underwear; they are yeast infections waiting to happen. Bacteria move is all I’m saying.
So after 2 hours of blankly staring at all the choices of underwear, say you’ve decided on a pack of size 7 hi-cut cotton in pink, yellow and orange.
That isn’t want you get home with. Oh no.
Somewhere between placing the selected pack of underpants in your cart and opening said pack at home, they’ve morphed into size 6 rear scoop satin in puke green, white, and brown. Since you shelled out ten bucks you are forced to wear the bastards and are destined to spend your days alternately picking them out of your crack and worrying about how much butt cleavage you’re showing off.
Women’s undergarments aren’t cheap and butt cleavage isn’t attractive.
This shit pisses me off.