The Top 5 Things I Want

When my ship comes in and I’m not searching the floor for two nickels to rub together, these are the top 5 things I want. 

5.  The newest seasons of my favourite TV shows-Why are DVDs of my favourite shows released in the winter when I have no money?  This just doesn’t seem right.  I’m sure people are more likely to buy in the winter when they have nothing to do.  There’s always Netflix, but they only ship out one disk at a time.  I want to watch the whole damned season in one day.  I’m obsessive/compulsive and I need gratification NOW.

4.  A few more ducks-The weather has been nice enough that Fleur could be outside, especially during the day, but she’s all alone and I feel bad leaving her outside.  She needs some friends.  Because of the extra light she gets in the house, she has started laying eggs and for some reason that seems even more redneck to me than just having a duck in the house.  Ducklings aren’t expensive, but you need to order 3-4 because they have a fairly high mortality rate and dead duck friends are useless.

3.  Glasses/contacts-My glasses are so old I actually say hello to people I don’t like because I can’t see who I’m talking to.  In addition to the weak prescription, two summers ago I fell flat on my drunk face on main street in front of two cops and scratched my glasses and my nose.  I picked dirt and rocks out of my nose for 6 months.  It’s way past time for some new seeing devices.

2.  Dog barrier for the van-Imagine driving along without a care in the world when, from out of nowhere, a 70 pound ball of fur and insanity launches onto your lap and decides to drive.  If you think texting and driving are bad, try wrestling the steering wheel away from what has suddenly become a snarling, barking, slobbering beast who has his ass in your face and is steering with his hind legs.  And that’s the well mannered dog.

1.  Electric dog fence with 3 collars-The package for every brand of these fences guarantees it is “safe and humane.”  You know what?  I don’t want humane.  I want a fence I can set on Stun.  I want it to drop them to their knees, knock them unconscious and make them drool.  I am so tired of spending time and money on my fence only to have them dig under, jump over or just plain rip it down.  I am tired of putting the dogs out while I’m getting ready for work only to find that they are long gone and I have to search for them, which makes me late for work.  Otis is the only one who stays where I put him, but even he caves to peer pressure once in a while and runs off.  I hate them running loose.  My neighbours hate it more.


9 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Sherri
    Jan 21, 2010 @ 19:25:56

    I had a friend with those electrified dog collars, and his dogs just ran through the pain. The dogs figured out if they ran really fast the pain didn’t last long. We’d hear a yelp and then see dogs running through the front yard with their tongues lolling with joy. Your dogs seem at least that determined.

    AAARG! I don’t want to hear that. Maybe if I keep the wire fence up and use the electric fence as a back up they won’t run through it. The next option is running a charge strong enough to stop a cow through the fence. These dogs ARE going to stay in the yard.


  2. Sherri
    Jan 21, 2010 @ 22:17:43

    Oh yeah, that would probably work. Put the electric stuff about a foot inside the fence, then they couldn’t run through the pain. I’ve had escape artists too, so I feel your pain.

    My head is going to explode if this doesn’t stop.


  3. DarcKnyt
    Jan 21, 2010 @ 22:56:30

    I’d be happy just to have those two nickels at this point. 😉

    I count my blessings to have the two nickels.


  4. Kate
    Jan 22, 2010 @ 06:22:06

    Sounds like a TV reality show at your place: Slobbering balls of insanity dodge duck eggs then jump through and over electric fence to drive with hind legs blind woman’s van.

    One of my cyberfriends suggested getting a CCTV hooked up for the house. It is pretty wild around here.

    I once saw an afghan hound jump vertically about 6 feet straight up and over a fence.

    Holy crap. That’s all I can say.

    Glasses are unbelievably expensive.

    They are, but I’ve had these for 5 years and it’s time for new ones before I start bumping into walls.


  5. whatigotsofar
    Jan 22, 2010 @ 10:17:13

    DVDs are often released during peak purchase seasons like Christmas and depending on the title: St. Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day.

    Yeah, and I’m usually broke during peak purchase seasons.

    And do those fences with the collars work on things other than dogs. You see, I’ve got this thing that’s really hard to control. Let’s call it a father. You think it would work?

    Well today I was thinking it is a shame you can’t put one of those collars on small children to aid in their training. It probably wouldn’t work on your father since he’s smart enough (?) to take it off.


    • whatigotsofar
      Jan 23, 2010 @ 07:09:15

      Put enough gold and jewels on the thing and he just might wear it. I’m telling you, my father makes Liberace look subtle.

      I tried explaining Liberace to my kids once. They stared, open-mouthed at me. I had to show them a picture.


  6. jingle
    Jan 23, 2010 @ 13:32:02

    this is how we all shall do,
    be clear about what we want,
    make it happen,
    and get support…

    best wishes,
    happy Saturday.

    Thanks for stopping by.


  7. DarcsFalcon
    Jan 23, 2010 @ 17:45:59

    I could use a new car … and a dentist. 🙂

    As for those fences, don’t forget that even if your dogs can’t get out, anything else CAN get in if it wants. Only animals wearing the collar are affected, so if you had a wild coyote who wanted some puppeh for lunch … well, you know where I’m going with this. Just something to keep in mind.

    Oh, I plan to leave the wire fence up. I’m not too worried about coyotes since all of my dogs are bigger and less nice, but I don’t want the neighbour’s dogs hanging out in my yard.

    We want Invader Zim on DVD. It’s like the story of our life in animation. 🙂 “Come back Chickenfoot! You’re not a freak, you’re just stupid!”

    Never heard of it. Sounds funny, though.


  8. Katie
    Nov 05, 2010 @ 16:47:20

    bahahahahah. #2 had me laughing my ass off. My 3yr old thinks I am nuts.

    If your kids think you are crazy, it will be easier to keep them in line once they are teenagers.


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