A couple of nights ago as I was walking through the dining room, I heard a noise. It was a noise usually associated with a bathroom, where a person has lost their dignity and bowel control. It was a noise that is accompanied by stench and humiliation if it happens in a public restroom.
For a second, in mid-stride, I thought, “Did I just shit my pants?” I know my face went white and I had to stop and make a personal evaluation. I hadn’t felt the need prior to the noise and I’m not quite old enough to spontaneously loose control of myself, but one never knows. My eyes flicked towards the bathroom and the path I needed to take if, in fact, I had soiled myself. Damn. Lots of people to navigate.
Then I heard laughter from the table to my left and I glanced over. A guy was holding the ketchup bottle upside down, which was the source of the noise. I was never more relieved in my life. My heart started beating again, I picked my jaw up off the floor and made it to the waitstation where I collapsed in a fit of giggles.
Gee I’m glad I’m me.