The Most Asinine Argument

I have a small patch of scar tissue on my lower leg from the time I ran into a trailer hitch on a car.  Who the hell puts a trailer hitch on a car?  When I shave my legs, no matter how careful I am, I’m just not happy until I slice the top off the scar and make blood pour down my leg.

Such was the case tonight and while I was trying to get ready for bed, Sienna became very concerned by the blood she could smell on my pajama pants.  This made me think of the the most asinine argument.  I know you’ve all heard it.  It goes like this:

“A dog’s mouth is cleaner than a human’s mouth.”


Okay, first of all, I can’t remember the last time I let a human lick one of my wounds, so why on earth would I let a dog lick it.  Band-aids, paper towels, wash cloths, and toilet paper are all very effective means of stopping the blood flow and cleaning up the mess.  Playing the devil’s advocate here, if I was out in the middle of nowhere, naked, and bleeding profusely, and the only way possible to stop the bleeding was to have either my friend or my dog lick the cut, I guess I would pick the dog.  Mostly because I don’t think my friend is going to be willing and if s/he is, we need to reevaluate our friendship.

Second of all, germs are germs.  One species having a few less bacteria than another is like offering someone a shit sandwich with or without the bread.  It’s still shit.  I know what dogs do with their mouths.  They eat cat shit, cow shit, duck shit, horse shit, and dead shit.  They sniff asses.  You will never convince me a dog’s mouth is cleaner than mine unless it has recently been washed out with bleach. 

Finally, other species have different defensive mechanisms.  Ever been bitten by a cat?  I mean, really bitten?  Afterward, were you able to watch the infection grow by the second?  That’s because some panic mode venom left over from the day when cats were poisonous*** just found its way into your blood stream and now you’re going to die.  If dogs have that same stuff going on, I don’t want it around any of my open wounds.

***Not one bit of this is true except for the manic infection part.  Ask your vet.  Maybe s/he can explain it because I sure as hell can’t.


6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. DarcKnyt
    Feb 27, 2010 @ 10:43:44

    Dog owners came up with that to justify letting their dogs lick the insides of their mouths or their food and continuing to eat it at the disgust of their friends and associates.

    People who let their dogs eat off their forks or lick their mouths make me want to puke.

    A dog’s mouth HAS to clean itself more often than ours because of the nature of the animal. They DO eat cat shit, their own vomit, dead things, goose crap, and whatever else, so it HAS to have a way of saving its own life. The brain clearly can’t do it.

    No matter how smart you think your dog is, it’s still a shit eater.

    I know this is true because I used to use that argument myself. Heh. Once I had kids, though, everything changed.

    There is nothing worse than a dog licking your kid’s face. Barf.


  2. DarcsFalcon
    Feb 27, 2010 @ 12:55:30

    LOL When I first met Darc, he had a poodle. Cutest little thing and incredibly well behaved. But she loved to kiss people, and lick them. She tried that with me – and me being more like Lucy from Peanuts (Dog germs EWWW!) turned away. Darc said, “Well, she’s French, you know, what did you expect?”

    HAHAHA! What is it with dogs and the aim? No matter what you do, their tongue can always find its way into your mouth. Blech.

    I’m with you – I know what dogs do with their mouths, and they’re not getting it anywhere near mine! Or my wounds!

    They really are pretty gross when you think about it.


  3. Kate
    Feb 27, 2010 @ 21:23:51

    A vet told me once that dogs can’t even clean their own wounds That’s why they put those neck guards on, it’s not just so the wound needs to close, but if they lick it the bacteria in their mouths reinfects the wound.

    Yeah, so there!

    And as for cats, MOTH and I caught some genuine ferals out of a small bush reserve once. We offered ‘cos we didn’t want the blokes from the council who don’t like cats doing it. We borrowed humane traps from the SPCA. Anyway we stupidly tried to take one out of the trap and it bit hell out of our wrists. MOTH went to the medical centre, went on a course of antibiotics and was sick for a week. I cleaned the heck out of my wounds, and let nature take its course. Three days later they erupted like Vesuvius out of my swollen wrists, I cleaned them again and was fine.
    Yeah, makes you have respect for what’s in mouths.

    It’s venom, I tell ya.

    I’ve also been told that in the middle of nowhere, slap the biggest leaves you can find over a wound (assuming there are leaves of course 🙂 ) as the leaves of many plants have antibiotic properties.

    That’s good to know, but around here, you’ll only find pine needles in the middle of nowhere. Or sagebrush. And ticks.


  4. Ahmnodt Heare
    Feb 28, 2010 @ 08:34:42

    People only say it’s cleaner to justify themselves. It’s the same thing with the people who say urine is sterile. How do they know this? Even scarier, why do they know this?

    Thanks for stopping by.

    I’ve heard the urine is sterile thing too and thought it was utter BS. And yeah, why do they know? o_O


    • Sparty Girl
      Feb 28, 2010 @ 10:48:01

      Technically, urine is sterile inside the body and for a very short period of time outside. When air starts to work on it, it doesn’t take long to get germs. Don’t ask me how I know this, but it really is true.

      Sometimes I wonder about you. o_O


  5. steve
    Mar 02, 2010 @ 06:58:37

    Yeah I never bought that argument about a dogs mouth being cleaner then a human either. Dont see how thats possible…Dogs licks his nuts then licks his owners face…germ transferrance..thats makes more sense….good post….zman sends

    Thanks for stopping by. I love my dogs, but I don’t want what’s in their mouths anywhere near me. Nasty ass licking, shit eaters.


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