Snark

Even with my unusual happiness, I find I still have snarky thoughts.  There’s always room for snark.

One of the snarky thoughts I get is when a very large person orders a diet soda.  It is becoming increasingly impossible for me to keep my mouth shut and not say, “Why bother?  It’s not working.” 

I’ll say it again:  I am not a small person.  However, you will never see me drinking any sort of artifically sweetened soda.  I like sugar.  I’d rather be fat than have whatever that artificial crap is going to give me.  And for all of you who say you like the taste of diet sodas I’m going to wave the bull shit flag here.  It tastes like hell.  It’s twice as sweet as regular soda with a brain damage inducing after taste.

The other snark moment is when a very large person orders half the menu then simpers and says, “I don’t know if I can eat all that.”  I have to shove my fist in my mouth to keep from saying, “My experience is yes you can and yes you will.”  Be proud of it.  Own your ability to eat a mountain of food while not being able to fit in a booth.  Don’t ask me to play dumb; I have eyes.  I didn’t get my fat ass by starving and neither did you.     

Another snarky comment I can barely keep to myself comes when a very large person complains about the food.  It takes everything I have not to roll my eyes and say, “It doesn’t look like you pass up much so shut up and eat.”  Nothing says ‘angling for a free meal’ like a fat person bitching about food, especially when I ate some of what they’re complaining about an hour ago.

So what are your snarky thoughts?

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9 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. DarcKnyt
    Mar 04, 2010 @ 15:39:07

    I don’t know if I have any thoughts that AREN’T snarky anymore. I think I’ve forgotten how. My new motto is “Never miss an opportunity to keep your mouth shut” and I’ll be damned, it ain’t working either, but I’m tryin’. 🙂

    HAHAHA! Keeping your mouth shut is easier said than done.

    Reply

  2. Kate
    Mar 04, 2010 @ 17:39:39

    Snarky thoughts – yeah, I have a lot of those! One snark is physically pushy people who’ve never heard the expression “excuse me”. And it’s always the early twenty somethings who do that. For some reason.

    I don’t keep quiet on physically pushy people. Getting shoved around annoys me to no end.

    As for diet soda, don’t get me started. They don’t work -period. As some actress once said “I don’t drink them, because I’ve never seen a slim person drinking one.”

    Now that you mention it…

    Reply

    • Katy
      Apr 26, 2011 @ 06:22:12

      OMG, I, too, am baffled by the lack of “thank you” and “excuse me” from the vocab of young people. I’M young people. And I know how to be freakin polite. This girl in my chemistry class stepped back onto my foot on me as I was carrying SULPHURIC ACID, causing me to spill it on myself. She looked at me and turned back around to continue her conversation. I was rather put out…

      I might have offered to pour the acid on her. Dumb bitch. Somedays I feel like I’m invisible due to the number of people who run into me and never bother to acknowledge I exist.

      Reply

  3. DarcsFalcon
    Mar 04, 2010 @ 22:00:55

    “Keeping your mouth shut is easier said than done.” ROFLMAO!! I don’t know why but that statement just struck me as irony in its purest form! 😆 That is gold, pure gold woman! That one’s going on my quotes page!

    I must be missing something. I didn’t think it was that funny. o_O

    I will not drink diet pop. Nasty crap. I had some of that throwback Pepsi – Darc got me some as a treat for quitting smoking, and boy-howdy, it was heavenly! REAL honest to God sugar in the pop, and not that terrible HFCS stuff. Ahhhh. 🙂

    I like the Pepsi throwback, but not the Mountain Dew throwback. I like sugar. Lots and lots of it.

    I confess I have way more snarky thoughts than I should. *sigh*

    Me too.

    Reply

  4. whatigotsofar
    Mar 05, 2010 @ 04:53:29

    I don’t have snarky thoughts. Well, they don’t remain just thoughts. I say the things we aren’t supposed to say.

    I do as well if my job doesn’t depend on it.

    Reply

  5. Sherri
    Mar 05, 2010 @ 06:30:00

    I think Fal was laughing at the word play “keeping your mouth shut is easier said than done.”

    Dur. It was late and I was tired. At first I thought maybe I offended, but I get it now.

    I used to be a snarky bitch, but living with the snarkiest person in the world sort of beat it out of me. People delude themselves, it’s what we do. It made me tired, being in that state of judgment all the time. My husband seems to thrive on it, though, so whatever floats your boat.

    It is easier to live your life with positive thoughts, but sometimes the evil escapes.

    Reply

  6. DarcsFalcon
    Mar 05, 2010 @ 12:45:18

    What Sherri said. 😀

    If you’re keeping your mouth shut, you aren’t saying it, you’re doing it. But if you’re doing it, then you can’t be saying it. 🙂

    Okay. I thought maybe I offended you. Glad I didn’t.

    Reply

  7. Katie
    Nov 05, 2010 @ 15:58:59

    Well, I am about 8 mos late on the commenting since I just read this but I gotta tell you, fat people probably are drinking the diet soda ’cause they have to. I have dibetic husband, he is a Chubster, and he has to drink the diet stuff. He still eats all the other crap he’s not supposed to, (hense the Chub), but REAL soda is pretty much liquid death.

    Ahhh…I never thought of that. I will keep it in mind for future reference.

    Thanks for stopping by!

    Reply

  8. KLund
    Jan 10, 2011 @ 12:07:24

    I am also commenting late. I just found your blog recently and I am now cruising through all the old posts. I also have to laugh at the those that order half the menu and “oh, I’ll just have a Diet Coke.”

    I also worked in a place that had rather narrow booths and it seems that I always had to educate the hostesses or new servers about asking large customers whether they would like a table or a booth, so they didn’t get embarrassed trying to cram themselves into a booth before they asked for a table.

    I think my most snarkiest moment was the day I lost out of many many tables because it seemed like almost every customer that day could not fit into the booths and they had to be sat in the section with tables. We only had one room in the restaurant that had tables, all the rest had booths. I came out with…What’s the matter? Line too long at Golden Corral, not enough room at the trough. I will probably burn in hell for that comment, but I was getting irritated with all the money I was going to lose by not getting any tables.

    We get some big ‘uns in the summer and it’s so gross. I can’t imagine working somewhere like the Golden Corral where people go just to over eat. I think I would develop bulimia and spend all my time in the restroom.

    Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to comment!

    Reply

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