Dead for Days

Some friends and I were talking at the coffee shop the other day and we got on the subject of medical assistance. One woman said she would die before the ambulance could get to her because her house is so remote, no one can find it and her road is so bad, no one can drive down it.

This got me to thinking. My house isn’t terribly remote and my driveway is pretty passable, but if I needed medical assistance, the ambulance crew would have a hell of a time getting through the dogs to get to me. Last year after I had surgery, my mom came to check on me. Before I could get up to answer the door, she came in the house and started down the hall. Sienna stood at the bedroom door snarling, barking and throwing slobber like a Hell hound. Scared the crap out of my mother. Once I was on my feet and mobile, everybody was friends again, but while I was down and hurting no one was getting close.

So I will die if I need an ambulance.

This got me thinking again. What if I couldn’t call the ambulance? How many days would I be dead before someone found me? My kids and I text every day, but if I didn’t answer for a day or two, they wouldn’t get too worried. If I didn’t show up for work I think my co-workers would alert someone that day, but only one of them knows how to get in touch with my kids. If I dropped dead on my Friday night, it would be at least two days before anyone came looking for me.

So now I’m thinking some more. How many days would I be dead before the dogs started eating me? Rumour has it, your dog won’t eat you, but your cat will. I think Maggie, Sienna and Otis would lay beside me until the meat wagon came to haul me off while Halo would drag my carcass around trying to wake me up. They would all eat Padawan before he could eat me.

I think maybe I need a roommate.


8 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Kate
    Mar 11, 2010 @ 21:59:03

    You’re a cheery soul today!

    This is the first time I’ve lived alone and it’s a little depressing.

    But you have a good point.
    An alternative to a roommate could be to have someone close by also living alone, with whom you could call or text (and vice versa) at a particular time each day. Then if there’s no response after a couple of hours, you could check each other. A bit of a pain maybe but less so than the potential problems of a roommate.

    Ugh. I can’t stand 98% of the people in this town. The 2% I do like have my number, but know I don’t want to talk on the phone. I would never live with anyone other than my kids.

    This post was supposed to be kind of funny. I’m really not thinking about kicking the bucket yet.


    • Kate
      Mar 12, 2010 @ 01:50:53

      You’re right, on second reading it is funny. I’m the one being the cheery soul!
      That’s because I’m eating too many Easter eggs and stuff. Funny how a sugar burst can leave you with a low afterwards.

      I stay away from high sugar energy drinks because after I get done bouncing off the walls I’m in a coma.


  2. blogmella
    Mar 12, 2010 @ 01:09:00

    With the tempers we have in this house we are all more likely to die than if we lived alone.

    I couldn’t live with anyone other than my kids and I’m not sure about my daughter anymore since she hasn’t lived at home in 3 years.


  3. whatigotsofar
    Mar 12, 2010 @ 04:50:26

    There’s another theory to consider. What do you care? You’re dead. Ain’t your problem anymore.

    As soon as I finished writing I thought the same thing. I guess I don’t want to cause my kids to need more therapy.


    • Kate
      Mar 12, 2010 @ 06:03:35

      Have you been into the Easter eggs?

      BTW I’ve been lost in Toronto. It wasn’t a bad place, can’t be – Margaret Atwood comes from there, doesn’t she?
      And you’ve got beaches, with seagulls and everything.


      • whatigotsofar
        Mar 12, 2010 @ 08:06:08

        Margaret Atwood is a traitor to her country. You want her, come up here and take her.

        As for being lost in Toronto. Makes sense. its an easy place to get lost in. Also a difficult place to leave, seeing as how there aren’t many ways out of town.


  4. DarcKnyt
    Mar 12, 2010 @ 12:46:50

    Yeah, we’re in a similar boat. I don’t know who said your dog won’t eat you though; cops have seen that a LOT. Guy drops dead, can’t feed his dog, starts smelling, and omnomnom goes the dog. It IS a scavenger and predator, after all.

    I always thought dogs would eat you, but recently someone said they won’t. They probably think a dog’s mouth is cleaner than a human’s.

    For us, it’s the kids. If we both go at the same time for some reason, what will we do with them? Who will get them? We don’t trust anyone anywhere anytime to raise them. We HAVE to stay alive — at least one of us — until they’re adults.

    I was so worried while my kids were young that I would die and what would happen to them? On one hand, I’m dead. On the other hand, I had a goal in raising my kids and I wanted to see it through. I figured I’d drop dead right after my son graduated.

    I want to live on a farm. That way if I croak, my wife can just bury me out in the furrows somewhere and let the coyotes have the carcass. Heh. 🙂

    I want to be cremated. I don’t like the idea of my corpse hanging around.


  5. DarcsFalcon
    Mar 12, 2010 @ 12:58:43

    It’s not pleasant, I can say that much.


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