Why is it that everyone is an expert when it comes to waiting tables? Chances are, your waitress is better trained to do her job than you are.
I had a couple today who would not let me do my job. I approached their table with a pitcher of water only to be told they didn’t want water and they were ready to order NOW.
The guy ordered a sausage plate with French fries and beans and the woman said she would have the same thing. Then the guy said they also needed a pork plate with fries and beans. Before I could clarify anything, he shoved the menus in my hand and dismissed me. Now, some of you may think it’s strange for 2 people to order 3 meals, but if you are a regular reader, you know just how piggy many of my customers are.
Well, guess what? Their order was completely screwed. They didn’t actually want two sausage plates. The woman wasn’t talking to ME when she ordered, she was talking to her husband, telling him she wanted the same SIDES not the same THING. There are some restaurants which make servers pay for mistakes like that. In the end somebody pays, whether it is the next customer who gets a reheated sausage or everybody who pays higher menu prices.
When they finished eating (which was about the time I could force a smile back on my face), I went to their table and started to say, “May I clear some dishes out of your way?” but all I got out was, “May I…” before the woman flapped her hand to dismiss me again and said, “No, I don’t want any more.” Well fine then. Sit in your own slop.
Here’s the thing. You may think you are doing your server a favour by trying to do her job, but you’re not. Servers have routines which are tried and true methods to get you through the dining experience before they kill you. Based on these people today, here are six pointers to keep your server from sticking a fork in you:
1. If a server is standing at your table with a pitcher of water, TAKE THE DAMNED WATER! You aren’t saving her any steps; you are throwing her off her game.
2. Don’t blurt out your order; let the server TAKE your order. This means you have her full attention and you are more likely to get what you wanted rather than what she thought you deserved (a dick sandwich).
3. Your dinner partner isn’t your server. The person STANDING ON HER FEET ALL DAY is. Telling your dinner partner what you want and having them relay it to your server is a sure way to get exactly what you DON’T want. Unless you are under 5 years old, order for your own damned self.
4. When the server approaches your table, shut your mouth and allow her to do her job. She isn’t there to annoy you, she is there to do what her employer requires: drink refills, pre-busing, checking on your general welfare (so you aren’t bitching for a free meal at the register). Trust me, she would rather be outside smoking, texting on her cell phone or eyeballing the new guy’s ass.
5. If you let the server serve you, you have no excuse not to tip.
6. If you think you’re so damned smart, why don’t you see the manager for a job application?