I am not a toucher.  The most common thing I shout at my dogs is, “NO TOUCHING!”  Granted this is usually after they have tried to knock my feet out from under me from behind or when they have decided my face isn’t nearly clean enough.  I will hug friends if somebody has died.  I hug my son.  My daughter isn’t big on hugs either, but we hold hands a lot. 

Customers like to hug, pat on the back and do other types of unnecessary touching.  I find it disturbing.  I brought you food, I don’t think that necessitates a hug.  In the end I go all stiff and let them have their way with me.  My favourite is the man who waits until my hands are full then offers me the tip, which he helpfully puts in my apron.  Buddy…really.

Jamie is a toucher.  At least once a week Jamie gets all up in my grill and dance-humps my leg.  She was full of touches tonight.  Everytime I looked out in the dining room she was touching a customer…rubbing some old guy’s shoulder, touching a woman’s back, caressing a couple’s table.  I finally told her to stop manhandling the customers.  She said it makes people feel more welcome and happy and they tip better.  At the end of the night she made $4 more than I did and I didn’t even have to bend over in front of anyone.

What’s your feeling on this?  Do you like servers who touch you?  Does it make you feel welcome or do you wonder if they’ve washed their hands lately?  Do you tip more or do you hand them a five and tell them to bug off?  My feeling is ‘I’m here for a meal not a mauling’, but am I in the minority?


13 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Heif
    Mar 27, 2010 @ 11:32:44

    I’m with you. I don’t want to be touched when I was waiting tables and I surely didn’t want to touch my customers! Gross

    HAHA! Yeah, my customers need to keep their hands to them selves.


  2. Kate
    Mar 27, 2010 @ 16:28:31

    It depends on the situation and the toucher (or the touchee).

    Well, yeah. It’s like the difference between flirting and sexual harrassment.

    You have to be quite good at body language to tell if someone expects it or hates it or doesn’t care.
    As I can’t always tell, I don’t touch or hug people who aren’t family unless it’s a funeral or someone is very distressed – or conversely, had amazingly good news. And they’re always people I know.

    I wish more people had that restraint.

    I don’t think you’re in a minority though. A restaurant isn’t an appropriate place for touchy stuff and personally it wouldn’t make me feel more welcome, or leave bigger a bigger tip. A cheery smile and voice does that.

    I hate overly friendly waitpeople who are in my space…yet another reason I don’t eat at the big franchise restaurants.

    Just as I was about to click ‘submit’ I thought of an exception – older women. They can get away with touching people, usually they just do a pat on the shoulder though.

    I’m older and I don’t want to touch anyone.

    And talking of older women, I had a look this morning at the ‘your profile’ on my email account and to my surprise yahoo email had my birth year down for 15 , yes 15 years older than I am. EEEK. I reset it all, signed out and rechecked and it back to where it was before I changed it. So it got changed again. Bizarre. 🙂 But it does mean that if according to yahoo mail I’m now older, then maybe I can start touching people, you know.

    Maybe I should check my settings and see how old I am. 🙂


    • Kate
      Mar 27, 2010 @ 23:41:16

      You aren’t older. I think you said 45. Well I’m 44 and I’m not older. In another 15 years, yes. But not yet.

      Oh…you mean older women. 😉 I have one of those and she wants to hug me regularly. It’s odd, but I let her do it.


  3. whatigotsofar
    Mar 27, 2010 @ 18:27:21

    I like to thank my servers by putting my face in between their breasts and motorboating.

    I’m not sure how I would feel about motorboating. If it was good I’d probably tip you.

    I really gotta stop eating at the strip club.

    Yeah, I don’t imagine the food is all that good for you.


  4. blogmella
    Mar 27, 2010 @ 19:17:37

    Woah, NO I do NOT want to be touched by someone who is meant to be bringing my food! I’ve spent a bit of time in showbiz and I lived in the gayest city in the UK for a few years – so I’m no stranger to hugging and everyone being called “Daaahling”. BUT only family and people I know (or my friends know) get to touch me. People who are working around me can keep their hands to themselves.

    It doesn’t bother me too much when coworkers touch me, but strangers need to keep their scurvy germs to themselves.

    Apron guy needs some hot coffee in his lap.

    Without a doubt.


  5. DarcsFalcon
    Mar 27, 2010 @ 19:29:59

    I only hug my friends and people I love. My server, that’s neither friend nor family nor loved one. Liked one, perhaps if I’m a regular but then I’d give a Christmas card with a bonus tip or something, but not a hug. I really don’t feel we know each other well enough, you know?

    No offense to the server, but they probably don’t want to touch me either. They have their own loved ones and I’m just a tip to them.

    When I go out to eat, I’m paying for the convenience of not having to cook my own food or wash the dishes after. I value courtesy, but I’m not paying for affection, you know what I mean? This is a business relationship.

    I guess it depends on WHERE you are eating. If the affection is part of the meal then that’s a different business relationship entirely. 😉


  6. DarcKnyt
    Mar 27, 2010 @ 23:20:47

    I don’t want strangers touching me. No matter how many times I see you in a restaurant, you are a STRANGER. Do not touch me. And sexual harassment is NOT a joke.

    I didn’t mean sexual harassment is a joke, but the sad truth about it is if a person likes it, it is flirting. If they don’t, it’s sexual harassment. Someone you know and love is welcome to hug you. A stranger isn’t. Same action with different results. Far too many people can accuse sexual harassment with no proof. I recently watched the first season of Drew Carey where the woman sued him for sexual harassment over a cartoon. It was bullshit and so are most of the allegations.


  7. Daniel Robert Tye
    Mar 28, 2010 @ 04:36:48

    I just finished working for a restaurant, and I would have hated it if my customers were touching me, it would make the whole night weird for me.

    But me, touching customers, would have been completly insane. I am sure I freaked out one time because I brushed against some persons back whilst walking past them and they gave me the filthiest of looks, and from then on a stay a comfortable distance but not far enough that I was being impolite.

    In the summer when we are very busy people ram into me all night long. I feel like a pinball by the time I get home and I really resent it. People need to respect personal space whether it’s gestures of affection or being part of a crowd.

    Thanks for stopping by.


  8. Bob
    Mar 28, 2010 @ 21:22:40

    I have never tried to touch my server. I think it is weird that so many people have tried touching you.

    It is weird because I’m not really touchable.


  9. Zombieman
    Mar 31, 2010 @ 07:00:25

    Ew, no touching, not from either party. ‘NO TOUCHING’, I think I will start that command with my dogs too.

    It’s one command that doesn’t work. Thanks for stopping by.


  10. ohsomehowimanage
    Feb 05, 2011 @ 19:40:24

    I absolutely HATE it when people touch me. The only person I will allow to touch me in any way is my fiance. The waitress at our store will also constantly be all up in that area known as my personal bubble and it annoys the hell out of me. She does it to everyone, she just gets really close (including to my fiance) and I just want to yell. When customers do it, I freak out and back up really fast. I think my tip goes down but whatever. Don’t effing get in my bubble.

    I don’t mind if people I like touch me, but if I don’t like you or don’t know you, stay the hell away from me!


  11. Brea
    Jun 25, 2012 @ 12:51:06

    Personal Rule # 3: If we share genetics, I’m ok with you being inside my personal space bubble… which reaches out about a foot, sometimes a foot & a half. (Except for my brother, which is a whole “you’re dead to me” kind of can of worms.)

    Chosen family gets a free pass. The boyfriend too, although I do draw the line at certain forms of PDA. If it’s “get a room” worthy, he’d better save it for at home.

    Friends? Uh, depends on the situation and the type of touching. Hand on the shoulder? Fine. Arm around the waist? Questionable. Snuggled up and headed for the carnival? Prepare for death – cause you’re not my friend anymore.

    Strangers? Don’t be silly. They don’t get to touch. They don’t get to enter my personal bubble. I have actually put out my hand and pushed someone away for being too close. It’s creeper-worthy, as far as I’m concerned.

    Of course, for me, the same goes for over-familiarity of a lot of kinds. When complete strangers call me “honey”, “Babe”, or some other patronizing form of endearment (rolling eyes) I have a tendency to get a little blunt.


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