I’ve written about job applications before and just when I think I’ve seen it all, another ridiculous one comes in. Usually the applications are riddled with spelling errors or delusions of grandeur and those are funny, but it gets to be the same stuff over and over.
Yesterday a young and attractive (judging by the boy cooks’ response) woman dropped off an application. As I looked it over before I putting it in the office, I noticed she listed one of her jobs as a Fluffer. Again, if I had false teeth, they would have been somewhere other than in my mouth. For those of you who don’t know, a fluffer is a person who keeps the male lead’s dick hard in between takes for porn films.
Giggling my way to the wait station, I told Darren, Zach, Jamie and Kayla what was on the new application. Jamie and Kayla asked what a fluffer was. Darren laughed and poked some fun. Zach had this look on his face, the one cops get when they look at donuts, and said, “Dude. That is so cool.” I thought he was going to swoon.
This is a fundamental difference between women and men. Women hear something like that and think, ‘She’s a whore. I don’t like her.’ Women with longer thought processes hear that and think, ‘Crap. She’s going to get hired and the boy cooks will be more interested in looking at her than cooking my food. There goes my tip percentage.’ Men hear that and think, ‘She touched someone else’s dick, maybe she’ll touch mine.’
Fundamental differences people. Fundamental differences.
Do You Do That at Home? 
Apr 14, 2010 @ 14:43:55
It’s the same with porn films. Men think “I’d like to **** her like that!”, women think “Those curtains don’t go with that lampshade”.
I notice the bruises and blemishes.
Apr 14, 2010 @ 14:56:39
LOLOL There’s a job like that? And they’re called Fluffers? Dare I ask how YOU know this? 😉 LOL
I really don’t know how I know that. I heard it somewhere years ago.
Gives whole new meaning to the term “fluffer-nutter.” It was a huge sandwich thing when I was a kid. I wouldn’t eat them but they were popular. That marshmallow Fluff stuff and peanut butter together in a sandwich. Do you remember those? Now when I hear that I’m going to think porno chick instead of weird sandwich. *dies laughing*
I know what fluffer-nutter sandwiches are and I could never try one either. I think I heard of them after I heard what a fluffer was and they’ve always sounded suspect.
Apr 14, 2010 @ 15:36:48
Men, stay clear of fluffers. They’ve been with guys that are hung like baboons. They’ve seen porn dicks in real life. Average guys, they can’t compete with porn dicks.
That’s what I would think, too. “Oh, you’ve been with (insert supermodel name here)? Why on earth would you be interested in me?” Obviously the boys I work with don’t think that far in advance.
‘course, if she wanted to go, I’d oblige. Who am I to deny a woman the pleasure that is I.
Maybe *that’s* what they are thinking.
Apr 14, 2010 @ 15:40:12
But who the heck puts fluffer on their resume.
On the side where it asked for job responsibilities she wrote ‘putting clothes away, organizing clothes, tidying clothes’. She made it sound like she worked as a fitting room attendant rather than a big dick attendant.
Oooh, wait, I get it. This is how she says “You give me a job, I’ll give you one right back.”
Dammit, women have it so much easier than men.
No, young attractive women have it so much easier than the rest of us.
Apr 14, 2010 @ 16:02:28
Wow, I didn’t realize it worked that well. Do you think I’ll up my chances of getting a job after 18 months out of work if I add “Fluffer” to my job history? I can list “Ask me” under details, and then say I made peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches for my kids while I was out of work. But still …
Anyway, fluffers were more from the time before Viagra/Cialis. They’ve gone the way of the dinosaur now, according to reliable online sources (like Ron Jeremy). Too bad. But maybe that’s not common knowledge yet.
Apr 14, 2010 @ 16:08:11
Maybe she was really dumb, didn’t know the alternative definition for “fluffer” and was just a sales person at a Gap or something? She “fluffed” shirts and pants on the shelves? Did it say where she was a fluffer?
From her job description it sounded like she was a fitting room attendant, but I didn’t recognize the name of the store. Maybe she’s really dumb and her former coworkers told her to tell people she worked as a fluffer.
Are these dumb questions? Is everyone just being ironic and I’M too dumb to figure it out?
Not dumb at all. Most of my posts are about me wondering what the hell people are thinking. Thanks for stopping by!
Apr 15, 2010 @ 08:07:54
If I saw that on a resume or application I think I would be worthless the rest of the day at work. Even after I got over laughing so hard I cried, I would have the giggles the rest of the day. If possible I would ask to be the interviewer just to clarify what she meant, I am sure that would not work out well either way no matter how she answered.
I don’t think I could keep a straight face during the interview. I would be worthless for sure.
So have any actual p0rn film workers applied before? What is the strangest previous job you’ve seen listed on an app other than this? (This would take the cake for me, maybe I live a sheltered life.)
All of my jobs have been pretty mainstream…waitress, photo lab assistant, office manager, reservations manager, front desk manager, visitor center director, waitress…I don’t go for strange jobs.
Apr 15, 2010 @ 13:46:21
It’s all in social gender upbringing. The girl that hangs out with boys is an example. The girls think she’s a slut. The boys wish she was.
I hung out with boys when I was growing up because all the girls were dumbasses.