Creeper Jim

My first encounter with Creeper Jim was two summers ago when he and a friend came to the restaurant for coffee in the evening.  There are 2 things wrong with that sentence.  Summer=busy.  Coffee in the evening=you are costing me money.  Much like the couple from Wal-Mart who order salad bar and sit for 2 1/2 hours drinking that endless cup of decaf only to leave me a $2 tip, Creeper Jim and his friend cost me and the restaurant more money than they are worth.    

Not only did Creeper Jim and his friend take up a booth which could have generated much more money, they complained about the quality of the coffee every time I walked by their table.  This got old after the second pass.  I was less than friendly with them and I figured they would take a hint and not come back.   

No.   

Three times in one week they came in during dinner and were somehow seated in my section.  On the third night when Creeper Jim’s friend asked, “What kind of coffee do you serve?”  I snapped, “The same kind you bitch about every time you come in.”  I didn’t see them for the rest of the summer.   

Then came winter and Creeper Jim started coming in for coffee by himself.  He calls himself a ‘rock hound’ meaning he collects rocks, polishes them and makes them into jewelry.  Then he gives the jewelry to waitresses he wants to screw.  I was already on to his shit so when he tried to present me with a pair of earrings, I less than politely declined and asked that he not be put in my section again.   

But bless his little passive/aggressive heart, he started taking the papers from the used sugar and sweetener packets and throwing them in different parts of the restaurant:  the urinal, under tables, on the floor by the trash in the men’s restroom, in places designed to get my attention.  One day I caught him going in the men’s room with a  handful of empty sugar papers and I stepped on his foot and said, “If I find those papers on the floor anywhere in this restaurant, we won’t be friends any more.”  I stopped finding empty sugar packets on the floor since even a dimwit knows it’s hard to pick up rocks with a broomstick jammed up your ass.    

Oh yes, he’s a dimwit.  Five less IQ points and he’d be sitting at the state school wearing a helmet.   

That is still no excuse for his behaviour.   

He came in for coffee on Tuesday night and since all the servers refuse to wait on him, Kayla (she’s his cousin or something) served him.  He called Jamie to his table and tried to present her with a huge chunk of unfinished jade.  She refused because she knows to accept a gift from him means he’ll be creeping around her for weeks.  As he was getting ready to leave, he again called Jamie to the register and tried to give her the rock.  I was going in the office and I whispered to her to take it so we could sell it on ebay and split the profit.  She took the jade, thanked him over and over for it, and threatened to bash me in the head with it if he bothered her later.   

He wasn’t gone for more than 15 minutes before he was back asking Jamie if she liked the jade.  I told her to tell him she was carrying it around in her coochie and offer it back to him.  HAHAHA!  I’m going to Hell!  WOO-EEE!   

I was wrong for telling her to take a gift from him.  When Yellowstone Park Rangers tell you not to feed the bears, they mean never.  Not even when they are being annoying and you think you might make a profit off them.   

If you feed him, he will never leave.

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9 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. whatigotsofar
    May 07, 2010 @ 08:45:59

    By reading this blog, I’m getting the impression that you work in a town inhabited only by cheapskates, assholes and perverts.

    Yeah, that about sums it up. 🙂

    Reply

    • blogmella
      May 07, 2010 @ 12:51:07

      No, WIGSF – I think she said there are women there too.

      Sort of, but the cheapskates, assholes and perverts outnumber the women.

      Reply

      • whatigotsofar
        May 07, 2010 @ 14:56:49

        Shall I amend my comment to include bitches, skanks and whores?

        Possibly, since many of our female customers think it’s appropriate to wear very low cut shirts and let their boobs hang out on the table.

        Reply

  2. DarcKnyt
    May 07, 2010 @ 10:01:43

    I’m sort of with WIGSF; your little town scares the crap out of me. On the other hand, I want to be a horror writer when I grow up, so I may have to move there.

    There are lots of horror stories here, but not the kind you’re looking for.

    Reply

  3. DarcsFalcon
    May 07, 2010 @ 13:02:53

    I think they filmed Deliverance in YellowCat’s town, except it was a documentary.

    HAHAHA! Somedays I think I’m living in a Deliverance sequel.

    There is no profit worth putting up with creepy people. Seriously, none.

    You are absolutely right, which is why I try to avoid creepy people all together.

    But man oh man, stepping on his foot and catching him with the sugar packets is hilarious!

    It was perfect too, right in an area where the camera couldn’t see me and he thought I was going to talk to him. The look on his face was priceless.

    Reply

  4. brknhrt75
    May 07, 2010 @ 17:10:16

    You’re my hero. I want to be able to be bitchy like you. Sigh. One can dream…

    Bitchiness is a learned skill. I was a doormat in my 20s. I grew a spine in my 30s and now, in my 40s, I don’t give a rat’s ass. If you’re being a douchebag, I’m going to let you know.

    Reply

    • Blogchik
      Jun 01, 2010 @ 21:36:21

      Teach me, Obi-Wan! 🙂

      I’m mean and it’s something I’m not really proud of. I would like to be nice, but people take advantage of nice.

      Reply

  5. Sherri
    May 08, 2010 @ 08:54:17

    Maybe I’m slow, but I can’t figure out why dropping papers in random places would make you think of him. And like him.

    Because he’s an idiot.

    Also, I turn 40 in September. So look out world, I won’t take any more of your shit!

    That’s the spirit!

    Reply

  6. Jamie
    May 13, 2010 @ 14:14:33

    lmfao

    Reply

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