Week of Weird, Part III

Typically I get along just fine with gay men.  Dykey women freak me out since they assume I’m one of them.  I guess the sensible shoes throw them off.

I worked for Shannon on Sunday night and it was absolute chaos.  We were horribly understaffed and insanely busy.  Darren and Boy Cook Zach were busing tables, seating people and running food.  I was dropping food and drinks off at tables and running away.  When we are that busy, there is no time for mistakes, so I am very careful about writing my tickets and asking the proper questions to save myself steps and time.  

During the melee, I was seated a table of two couples: a man and a woman and two gay men.  I asked for their drink order and everyone asked for tea, except the gay man by the window.  He ordered coffee and when I asked if he took cream with it, he said no.

I brought their drinks and he asked, “Where’s my cream?’  Not as, “Oops, I forgot to order cream,” but as, “You retard, you didn’t bring me what I specifically said I didn’t want.”  My standard answer to questions which start, “Where’s my…” is “If it was up your ass you’d know.”  Maybe not in this case. 

I said, “Oh, I’m sorry.  I asked if you wanted cream and I thought you said no.”

“I wouldn’t have said that.”  (But you did.)  “Now go get it for me.”

I ignored him and proceeded to take their order.  There was no way in hell I was walking all the way back to the waitstation for a bowl of creamers.

When it was his turn to order he asked for the top sirloin with sauteed onions (it says “grilled onions” on the menu, but the cooks throw them in the deep fryer, so enjoy that).  Then he said he wanted the corn, but he simply could NOT eat it if it didn’t have lots of butter.  (Oh, I’ll bet you can.)  “Do you think you can bring me lots of butter?”  Um, gee, is the butter the stuff in the shiney foil?  How about you just ask for extra butter and stop acting like a spoiled 12 year old girl.

Two of the other men ordered the salad bar and before I left their table I told them I would be right back with their salad bar plates.  As I came out of the waitstation with two salad bar plates, I noticed Angel giving plates to the two gay men.  The elapsed time from when I left their table to when I walked out of the waitstation was less than a minute.  Right in front of them I explained to Angel that the servers have to take the plates to the tables since people try to scam free salad bar.  This was because Spoiled 12 Year Old Girl didn’t order a salad bar.

Well, he wigged out on me.  “I did order salad bar!” he shrieked.

“Uh…no you didn’t,” his partner and I said in unison.

“Well fine.  Take the plate back then!  I just won’t have salad bar.”

I explained he could have it, I just needed to be aware of it so I could charge correctly.

“I’m not having it!” he yelled.  “You and I aren’t getting along!”

“No shit,” I said as I yanked the plate out of his hands. 

As I was giving the other man his salad bar plate, Spoiled 12 Year Old Girl arrived back at the table and flung himself in the booth.  “The waitress and I aren’t getting along so I’m not having salad bar.”  The other man said, “Well, you DIDN’T order it and she DID say to wait here for the plates.”  He sat there pouting until the food arrived.

Spoiled 12 Year Old Girl never did get his cream.  He didn’t get a salad bar.  He got a minimum amount of butter.  He did not get a refill on his coffee.  When his steak knife fell on the floor, he did not get a replacement.  The other people at his table received good service, refills, prebusing, and offers of dessert. 

Here’s a question:  When a server treats everyone at your table and everyone at the tables around you with kindness, yet she treats you like shit, do you think YOU might be the problem?

My tip on that table?  20%


9 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Catherine
    Jun 12, 2010 @ 10:37:05

    I feel a bit bad that the worse your working day is the more laughs I get at home. Is it wrong of me to hope you get lots more awkward customers and lazy colleagues?

    Since I have a weird sense of humour most of these stories are written with a lopsided grin on my face. The ones that really piss me off are best forgotten.

    On a more serious note, what attracts the tourists to your town? Are you on the coast? Are they American tourists or from abroad?

    We are at the east entrance of Yellowstone National Park. More than 3 million people from all over the world pass through our town every year. Cody makes the most of it with a nightly rodeo, gunfight, museums and tons of shopping in a western atmosphere.


  2. DarcKnyt
    Jun 12, 2010 @ 12:00:58

    Awesome. 20% works. It’s always a bad sign when the people with you are siding with the stranger AGAINST you.

    Yeah. His partner was doing the calming routine while the other couple sat with their heads down, staring at their plates. He was an ass.


  3. whatigotsofar
    Jun 12, 2010 @ 13:54:57

    If I was you and an uppity gay guy wanted any sort of milk-like product, I’d tell him to go suck it fresh from my right tit.

    Um…no. He probably wouldn’t take me up on it, but he might.

    Oh, I’m nasty.

    Yes you are.


  4. DarcsFalcon
    Jun 12, 2010 @ 14:05:36

    Sounds like his friends were just a tad sick of his BS too. 🙂

    I see a lot of that. I also get pulled aside and thanked for being the one to NOT put up with the bullshit. Sometimes I get extra money for being a bitch.


  5. blogmella
    Jun 12, 2010 @ 16:35:48

    You were not alone in disliking his behaviour. What a prick.

    HAHAHA! They were all chock full of him. I wouldn’t be surprised if they ditched him.


  6. Becky
    Jun 12, 2010 @ 18:55:11

    You’d think after being an ass and having your FRIENDS side against you that one would change his attitude. Instead sometimes they just play the victim really, really well. Ugh. I can’t stand those people.

    Some people never get it. Then they wonder why they don’t have any friends.


  7. tipsfortips
    Jun 12, 2010 @ 23:13:38

    I think we as servers underestimate people’s need to over compensate for jackasses. I mean I do it all the time, but just rack it up to me doing it because I am a server. I think maybe we all do it and we don’t have to be servers. Decent people will usually try to compensate for a rude friend, especially when all it takes is an extra five spot the friend can’t see.

    I don’t have friends who are rude to servers or other public workers. The first time they are rude, we aren’t friends anymore.

    My ex-husband was AWFUL with waitstaff. He refused to tip waiters or flat chested women. Towards the end of our marriage if a man or a flat chested woman approached our table I would tell them, “He’s not going to tip you so either find someone else to wait on us or give us crappy service.” Instead of being shamed, my douchebag ex-husband thought it was funny. Yet another reason he’s my ex.


  8. Bob
    Jun 13, 2010 @ 15:58:12

    I have never seen one person get bad service and everyone else at the table get good service. he definitely deserved it.

    I do it all the time to assholes. The next time you go out, designate one person as a jerk. See what the server does to that person. I guarantee that person will be the last to get their food, will have to ask for a drink refill, won’t get most of the stuff s/he asks for and will be flat out ignored by the server. Don’t forget to tip the server for the experiment.


  9. Hira Animfefte
    Jun 15, 2010 @ 14:13:04

    I always tip 20%, unless the server is really, really egregiously bad. That has only happened once or twice that I can remember. (I’m talking practically no service at all…for the entire table.) And I try to be nice to servers. Please and thank you and all that.

    It’s funny, but very polite customers make all of us cringe. There are verbal tips and there are monetary tips. People seldom do both.


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