McBroom Cat

I'm annoying.

A couple of years ago a friend dropped a cat off at my house.  Yes, she’s still my friend.  The cat is the most annoying piece of shitty animal I’ve ever encountered.  If I go outside to smoke, mow the lawn, dig a grave, or feed the ducks he follows me around and tries to suck on my clothes.  I can’t sit on my deck without finding wet spots of cat slobber on my sweatshirt or pantlegs.  Being a tom cat, he pees on EVERYTHING.  I’ve punted him for trying to pee on me a few times.  I named him after the most annoying family in town.

Yesterday when I got ready to leave for work I noticed the driver’s door was locked.  It was raining so I scrambled around to the passenger side and discovered it was locked too.  So was the slider door.  WTF?!  I live out in the middle of nowhere.  I don’t lock my doors and I don’t take my keys inside.  See, there they are, right on the dash.  In the locked damn van.

My son was riding to work with me so I went back in the house and said, “The van’s locked and the keys are IN IT!” in a rather accusatory tone.  He assured me he hadn’t been in the van the night before so I thought about what happened when I came home from work:  Parked, turned the lights off, turned the van off, put the keys on the dash, stepped out into a mud puddle, slipped and nearly fell down in the mud…hmm…maybe I accidently hit the auto lock as I was flailing around in the mud.

We went out to the van together and he looked inside while I went to feed the ducks.  I heard him say, “There’s a CAT in here!”

“MCBROOM!”

Yep.  While I was achieving feats of balance and coordination in the mud hole, he jumped in the van to search for the bag of restaurant scraps, which was in my hand.  For his effort, he got locked in the van all night with no food or water.  Good thing it was a cool and rainy day or he would have been a dead McBroom cat by the time I left for work the next day.  He tore the shit out of the underside of my dash and I had to pay $30 to get the town mechanic to unlock the door.  I was an hour late for work, but no one doubted my story because really, how could I make this shit up?

I'm still annoying.

The whole event reminded me of the man in my previous post.  Can’t wait so you screw up everything around you and end up screwing yourself in the process.  Something tells me McBroom will learn his lesson before that guy does, though.

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10 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Bob
    Jun 23, 2010 @ 21:43:42

    How many animals are on your property?

    A billion.

    Reply

  2. blunt delivery
    Jun 23, 2010 @ 22:06:41

    ok. that was pretty funny.

    and we used to have 24 cats when i grew up. granted they were outside cats, but still. you can empathize.

    I have 2 inside cats: Padawan and a kitten who is looking for a home. I have 3 outside cats: McBroom, Doofy and Mama Cat. The neighbour has about 40 disease infested cats who have wretched kittens with snotty noses and poopy butts. Since I bring restaurant scraps home for my cats, these cats all end up on my deck, fighting, screaming, and screwing. Then there are the cats who show up for a day and are gone. It’s like a cat shelter gone wrong.

    i think my boyfriend ran a couple over when he left my house at night. the cats always liked to sit under the car cus it was shady.

    that’ll teach em.

    When my dogs could get out of the yard, they kept the cat population to tolerable levels. Now that they can’t get out, the cat population is out of control. I’m planning to fence the front part of my yard soon and the number of cats hanging out on my deck will dwindle.

    Reply

  3. DarcsFalcon
    Jun 23, 2010 @ 22:42:16

    LOLOL Oh the poor kitty! (Quit snorting, I heard that!) You have to admit, for being a dumb animal he was probably pretty scared. Hopefully he didn’t do his business in your car too – you didn’t mention. Have you thought about having him neutered?

    I was hoping he’d wander off or find a new home before the neutering question came up, but yeah, I’ll probably have him neutered this summer. I figured he used the inside of the van as a litterbox, but he didn’t. And I don’t think he was scared at all. He was just upset that he didn’t get any scraps.

    I’m glad everyone’s safe and sound, and that you didn’t hurt yourself doing mud gymnastics. 🙂

    Me too.

    Reply

  4. DarcKnyt
    Jun 23, 2010 @ 23:49:49

    Cats … the OTHER other white meat.

    I cna’t stand cats. Sorry, I have nothing else to contribute. Aren’t you glad I stopped by?

    😉

    Hey, to each his own.

    Reply

  5. whatigotsofar
    Jun 24, 2010 @ 04:07:01

    One of my cats got into my car once. I just screamed and yelled at it until it left my car.

    That is a scary image.

    Reply

    • whatigotsofar
      Jun 24, 2010 @ 12:46:54

      What’s the scary part? The cat in my car or me just staring at the cat and screaming and yelling “Get outta my car!”

      You screaming at the cat in your car. People passing by probably didn’t see the cat, just a lunatic screaming at a car.

      Most of my interactions with all of my cats involves either me screaming at the cat, spraying water at the cat or pleading with the cat.

      Sounds like me with the dogs. I threaten them a lot. “Halo, if you don’t knock that off I’m going to punch you in your gigantic snout.”

      Reply

  6. blogmella
    Jun 25, 2010 @ 23:50:16

    AWWWW! Thank goodness it wasn’t hot. He is very handsome and it’s cute that he wants to feed from you… He missed out on some love as a kitten!

    Can he come live with you?

    Reply

  7. Jamie
    Jul 07, 2010 @ 23:17:10

    aww the poor kittty cat! Ha I can’t believe this happened! too funny!

    Reply

  8. Katy
    Apr 26, 2011 @ 02:30:46

    Aw, poor kitty! He needs some love… if maybe only outside love.
    This happened to my mom once. She has no idea how. She just came outside one morning to find a cat in her car; windows up, sunroof closed, doors locked. And it HAD peed. Though she did once accidentally shut my brother’s cat in a dresser drawer for almost 24 hours.

    He’s the most annoying cat. If he was an inside cat, I’d probably shut him up in a drawer too.

    Reply

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