Ready to Order

There is some confusion about what, “We’re ready to order” means.  If I go to a table and ask if the party has decided, I’m prepared to walk them through the process.  However, when a table stops me from what I’m doing and declares themselves ready it pisses me off to no end when I find that they are anything but ready to order.

“Ready to order” means:

  • Every. Single. Person. at the table is ready to give me their order.  This includes the sullen teenagers and grade school kids who are pouting because they had to eat somewhere without a jungle gym.
  • The order is given without delay.  “I would like the chicken with corn and beans and a Pepsi to drink,” is an example of a ready order. 
  • I should spend about 20 seconds per person in taking the order.

“Ready to order” DOES NOT mean:

  • You have no idea we serve side dishes.
  • You fight with your partner/children/both about what you are going to order.  If I wanted to listen to people fight, I’d still be married.
  • Each person consumes 2 or more minutes getting through their order.
  • The first words out of your mouth are, “I can’t decide…”
  • You make me stand at the table while you frantically read the menu.
  • You ask me 47 questions about every entree.
  • You continue to text/talk on your cell phone.

Two or more of these violations and I will politely say, “I think you need a little more time to look at the menu,” which is waitress-speak for “Screw you.  I’ll be back when I see your head is on your shoulders instead of up your ass.”


The best insult of the night award goes to Chetto regarding Boy Cook Jarrod:

“Why are you in my way looking at the tickets?  We all know you can’t read.”

Feel the burn.


9 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. whatigotsofar
    Jul 11, 2010 @ 03:17:37

    I’m ready to order. I’ll have an 8oz steak with mashed potatoes on the side. Bottle of Heinekin to drink. Now, chop chop.

    I’ll chop chop you.


  2. whatigotsofar
    Jul 11, 2010 @ 03:17:56

    Steak, medium well.

    See, you weren’t ready to order after all.


  3. DarcKnyt
    Jul 11, 2010 @ 08:32:00

    ZZZZZZZZZZing! for Chetto. And WOW you’re an Order Nazi! I’ve never been to a restaurant, in my 44 years of so-called “life”, wherein the waitress didn’t run through EVERY SIDE DISH with EVERY ORDER even as I gave it. Or my wife did. And ’round HERE, we DARE not say we’re not ready to order or we may not see the server for another half-hour.

    I guess things are very different regionally. More so than I ever thought. I feel so enlightened. 🙂

    Thanks for the translation on the waitress-ese, too. Heh. Very helpful.

    If I push a table into ordering, I expect to run through all the questions and to list what comes with the meal. But don’t stop me when you’re not ready to order. I think it’s the same all over. If you read any of the waitress blogs I have on my blogroll, you’ll see we are all pretty much the same in our attitudes.


    • Jamie
      Jul 11, 2010 @ 13:06:38

      I completely agree. I know you’re in a hurry, but underneath my polite smile as you hmm and haa about what the hell you really want, I am envisioning myself strangling you with that very menu you are lulling over, because I am busy and have no desire to sit and wait for you to decide. END. OF. STORY. 🙂

      I envision myself beating them near to death with the menu. Either way, it’s not a good thing.


  4. DarcsFalcon
    Jul 11, 2010 @ 12:28:14

    LOL @ what Darc said. That’s so true, and I never really thought of it before. I hate being attacked when I haven’t even sat down yet. When the kids were smaller and we’d go out sometimes, I’d be struggling with getting the baby into a high chair when a waitress would swoop in and ask what my order was. Ummm, can you see I’m trying to get the baby seated and I haven’t even had a chance to look at the menu yet? So, we’d ask for a minute and it really would be like another 30 mins before we’d see her again.

    I approach tables pretty quickly to pour water and get a drink order, but I don’t want to waste my time by pushing a table into ordering. I would much rather stand in the waitstaion and tell jokes. When I return with the drinks, which might be 3 minutes later if the table looks busy, I’ll ask if they are ready to order. If they ask for a minute, that’s exactly what I give them. I would rather make multiple trips to the table to try and take an order than stand there looking like a dunce because I forced them into ordering.

    Now we’ve gotten sort of into the habit – not that we’ve been able to go out to eat much lately, but when we do we try to get a look at the menu online before we go, so we have an idea what we want when we get there.

    That’s a good idea. When I go out to eat, I usually eat at the same places and order the same things so I’m pretty ready as soon as I sit down.


  5. Bob
    Jul 11, 2010 @ 13:33:26

    You would not like having the wonder twins at your restaurant. You also probably wouldn’t like me. A lot of times when I am at a new place, I have a couple of dishes picked out and ask the server what is best. That would probably take over 30 seconds.

    But would you stop me while I’m carrying food to another table and demand I take your order NOW? Would you get up from your seat, come to the table I’m currently waiting on, interrupt my exchange with them and tell me, “We’re ready to order”? That’s the stuff that pisses me off.


  6. blogmella
    Jul 11, 2010 @ 14:59:33

    This is hilarious. I like to look clever when I’m ordering, so I’m usually on the ball. Brandon is even better. Dave is last, because he isn’t as in love with food but he still gets on with it.

    If I’m somewhere new I’ll ask the waitress for a little more time rather than make her stand at my table. I would NEVER stop a waitress and demand to order NOW even if I knew what I wanted when I walked in the door.


  7. noe noe girl
    Jul 12, 2010 @ 10:14:10

    Oh this brings back memories from my days waiting tables!

    No matter where you go, it’s always the same.


  8. DarcsFalcon
    Sep 30, 2010 @ 00:05:40

    Hey! I’ve been here before! LOL 🙂

    Sorry, I edited a couple of posts.


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