The Wave of Stupidity

This last week the restaurant appeared in some dining guide as gluten free.  Not eating flour must make people stupid because I’ve talked to more flat out brain dead people in the last few days than I have in the last year.

In the past, people would tell me, at their table, that they needed gluten free items and give me examples of what they couldn’t eat.  I have no problem checking ingredient lists for people.  I routinely check the ingredient list on the ingredients we use for sauces.  The last thing I want to do is make someone sick because of a dab of flour I didn’t know was there.  I have no problem answering questions on how our food is prepared (Is the shrimp breaded?  Do you cook the fries in the same oil as the breaded food?).  I make it clear to the cooks when a person has a gluten allergy and highlight it on the ticket.   

Now that we are in the gluten free dining guide, people assume everything on the menu is gluten free.  They call on the phone during the dinner rush and expect me to read them the menu.  They then pass the phone to other gluten free people who ask the same questions all over.  I usually say, “You know what you can and can’t eat, right?”  This is met with dumb silence.   If they are at the front desk making me read the menu to them, they give me a blank stare. 

Holy shit, people!  Just because you see the words ‘Gluten Free’ you don’t have to turn off your brain and act like sheep.

I have issues with beef.  I can’t digest it, therefore I can’t eat it.  When I go to a restaurant I read the menu and look for chicken, turkey, seafood or pork.  I might ask some qualifying questions (Is there beef in the beans?  Is the sausage pork or beef?), but I don’t assume that because I’m at a Chop House, they only serve pork chops.

If you are on a gluten free diet, these are basic principles you should know:

  • The salad bar is gluten free. 
  • All the BBQ meat is gluten free. 
  • Corn, potato chips, baked potatoes, and new potatoes are gluten free. 
  • Breaded fish and shrimp are still full of gluten. 
  • French fries are cooked in the same oil as the fish so you can’t have those. 
  • The bread has gluten. 
  • Bread pudding is a no. 
  • So are strawberry shortcake and all of the pies because of the crust. 
  • You can have ice cream. 

I don’t follow a gluten free diet and I can figure this shit out.  People who have been on a gluten free diet all their lives should be able to figure it out as well.

The dumbest question award goes to the woman who called at 7:30 pm and made Cora go through the menu with her.  She had a copy of the menu in her hotel room and asked about each and every item.  Then she asked, “What time do you close?”

“Ten o’clock.”

“A.M. or P.M.?”

Uh… I can’t think of any situation where this question made sense.

13 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Bob
    Jul 12, 2010 @ 09:46:41

    AM or PM? That is an AWESOME question!

    It is, isn’t it. Why would a restaurant stay open all night only to close during breakfast/lunch? People need to think before they just blurt out whatever comes into their heads.


  2. DarcKnyt
    Jul 12, 2010 @ 10:18:49

    AM or PM … haha. HAHAHAHAHAHA!! That’s funny! Oh my, that’s hysterical! Why aren’t these people doing stand-up?

    Seriously? AM or PM? You’re not making this up? No, you couldn’t make it up. No way you could make it up.

    Not making it up. When Cora relayed the phone conversation to me, she didn’t even think that was the funniest part. She couldn’t finish her story because I was laughing at the idiot woman.


  3. Still Waiting
    Jul 12, 2010 @ 10:44:48

    Good lord. I’ve waited on some people with allergies to all sorts of things, and know our allergy menus pretty well.

    It amazes me when people with severe, life or death allergies don’t think to ask if a food has any of it in there! For instance, if I am deathly allergic to nuts, I’m going to ask if nuts touch ANYTHING I’m going to be eating.

    I had a lady with a son who had nut allergies order a dessert, let him eat some of the ice cream, then frantically asked if the cookie part of the dessert had nuts on it. Uh, yes? It was listed on the menu AND I told her what was in it before she ordered it!

    People are so retarded. When that sort of stuff happens I have to stare at them and mentally sew my lips shut to keep from asking, “Are you RETARDED?” I can’t imagine being this stupid.


    • blogmella
      Jul 12, 2010 @ 16:16:55

      When I ran a Parent & Toddler group, we had a Christmas party. One of the kids ate one of the mince pies. All of a sudden his mum started panicking, asking me to check that they didn’t have nuts in. I grabbed the box and started to worry too. Luckily they didn’t and he was fine.

      “You should have warned us he was allergic to nuts” I told her.

      “Well, I don’t really know if he is or not” she replied, “I just worry that he MIGHT be, because so many children are!”.

      What the f*ck?!

      A lot of housewives pop pills so I guess that means she does too. Idiot.


  4. whatigotsofar
    Jul 12, 2010 @ 11:55:00

    I’ve had some messed up diets over the years (imposed by some batshit pseudo-doctors and a mother who believes them) and I will say this: “I know what I can and cannot eat. What goes in my stomach is my responsibility. It is up to me to determine whether or not I should eat something. If I can’t figure it out, it ain’t worth eating.”
    Then again, I’ve got this lovely rash on my left hand which is probably caused by eating something I shouldn’t have. Or from fisting a Thai hooker. Either way, I had my fun and now I must pay.

    I sort of believe being stupid about your allergies is a way to clean out the gene pool. If a person can’t figure it out, it’s probably best they die.

    You have to be careful with Thai hookers. They give the gift that keeps on giving.


  5. noe noe girl
    Jul 12, 2010 @ 12:32:35

    You just cant hide stupid…morning or night!

    It seems like some people would make an effort to disguise it, though.


  6. whatigotsofar
    Jul 12, 2010 @ 12:48:09

    Only things she said to me were:
    – “me love you long time”
    – “leave money on table”
    – and the various grunts and moans


  7. redriverpak
    Jul 12, 2010 @ 13:46:29

    Cora should have said AM…. That takes the cake for the dumbest question of the month Award!

    The worst part is I’m sure she thought she was asking intelligent questions. Idiot.


  8. DarcsFalcon
    Jul 12, 2010 @ 14:33:42

    My head hurts at all the stupid, and I don’t even eat there. I can’t imagine how you get through the day!

    Medication. Lots and lots of it.


  9. tipsfortips
    Jul 12, 2010 @ 15:54:10

    I think the problem is that gluten allergies are the doctors new way of explaining everything that is wrong with everyone. Sorta like lyme disease a few years ago. I have to go through every item on a menu that was gluten free for a rookie server today. It gets me too that I have to point out that bread and fried items are not gluten free. I wonder what these people do when a server who couldn’t care less is waiting on them.

    So maybe some of these people are new to the gluten free stuff? I was assuming it was a lifelong thing, but maybe some doctor recently advised them to get off the gluten.

    My dad has no clue what a low or no fat diet means. I have argued with him for years that there is no fat in soft drinks. They may make you fat, but they don’t have fat in them. I’m waiting for the day when some douchebag on TV explains what a low/no fat diet is so my dad can in turn explain it to me.


  10. izziedarling
    Jul 13, 2010 @ 07:00:21

    What in the hell did we all do “before” the gluten monster appeared? Meh!

    Another commenter suggested it’s the new catch all illness. Sounds about right to me.


  11. Jenny
    Jul 14, 2010 @ 10:44:45

    Some people are just reeeaaaaallly ignorant when it comes to food, and that includes servers. I remember trying to explain to a server that ALL our bread has gluten in it as it’s all made from wheat. He says, “Well, what about the white bread, it’s not wheat bread.” He actually thought “wheat” and “white” were made from different grains. I tried to explain that the wheat was whole-grain and the white was refined but he just got a glazed look in his eye and walked away. Sadly, many people are JUST LIKE THIS.


    Every now and then I get annoyed that someone asks for the obvious…can I have ice in my tea?…or they make a big deal about having a water pitcher and I notice that they didn’t use any of it. How dumb/lazy do they think I am? Then I go out to eat somewhere and realize there are a whole lot of servers out there who ARE dumb/lazy. Servers who put two cubes of ice in warm tea or never return to offer drink refills. I try to remember people learn from experience and if all their experience is bad, of course they are going to treat me like I’m dumb/lazy.


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