My Perfect Restaurant

If I owned a restaurant, there would be no kids under 16, no little old ladies on tour buses and no ice cream.  It would be the perfect place to work and dine.

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9 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. DarcsFalcon
    Jul 21, 2010 @ 14:57:31

    Hmm. I am practically a little old lady (but would never ride a tour bus), I love ice cream, and I have well-behaved children under 16 who also love ice cream.

    I guess I’m out. 😦

    You don’t have blue hair. I would make an exception for your kids, but you still aren’t getting ice cream.

    Reply

  2. whatigotsofar
    Jul 21, 2010 @ 15:32:17

    You missed out the topless waitresses. What about the topless waitresses?

    Nudity and food do not go together.

    Reply

    • whatigotsofar
      Jul 22, 2010 @ 04:34:58

      Yes they do. They so do. Take for example, a nice steak, right. Okay, you’ve got this steak and beside it, some wonderful sides like garlic and bacon bits mashed potatoes, maybe a baked potato. (Some salad for the hippy folk.) Pretty good right. Now, imagine it being delivered to you by a topless server, a hot young sexy tight-body server. Sure, you and me probably differ in our definitions of sexy. I like women, you probably prefer men. And if there’s no children in the restaurant, then why not have an adult time. It’s basically the philosophy of a place like Hooters. Works for them. Hooters is popular place, and the food there sucks.

      Hooters Girls wear clothes. I don’t care how hot and sexy some guy is, if his naked hairy skin is anywhere near my food, I’m going to hurl. Nudity belongs in strip clubs. Now we could do a strip club/restaurant, but I think the patrons of the strip club are going to violate my code of conduct for the restaurant. Nope, no nudity.

      Reply

  3. Marianna
    Jul 21, 2010 @ 15:39:39

    …and no silverware! All food will be eaten with hands only! Hate polishing and wrapping all that silverware every day!

    I could go for that. We bag ours but we are always running out and it’s annoying. If people had to eat with their hands, they couldn’t complain about not having silverware.

    Nice hearing from you!

    Reply

  4. blogmella
    Jul 21, 2010 @ 15:56:34

    But you’d let clowns in? And mime artists? And old men? Think again, my friend.

    I’ve never had a clown or mime try to eat at the restaurant. If any do, I’m sure they will be shown the door. Old men are nowhere near as annoying as blue haired old ladies.

    Reply

  5. M.T.
    Jul 21, 2010 @ 17:08:29

    In my perfect restaurant, people would also have to actually order off the menu, rather than just make things up that they would like.

    Oh I HATE that shit! My answer to special requests is always NO. Customers can add things (and pay for them) but they aren’t creating a new menu.

    And anyone who asks if their rare steak can be served hotter would be drawn and quartered in the dining room.

    No lie. Rare=cold, well done=tough. Don’t bitch if you go to either extreme.

    Reply

  6. SkippyMom
    Jul 21, 2010 @ 17:09:35

    Tube tops wearers? Definitely no tube tops, c’mon.

    We don’t get many tube top wearers here, thankfully, but we do get a lot of fat chicks who wear their shirts too tight and their boobs fall out on the table. I could do without that.

    And cell phones.

    Oh hell yes. You have to leave that in your car.

    And pompous assholes who try to tell you your job when you know better.

    I’m just an asshole right back. The restaurant can’t be too perfect or I wouldn’t have anything to complain about. 🙂

    Reply

  7. Still Waiting
    Jul 21, 2010 @ 17:51:24

    Mine would involve mandatory 20% tipping, and you would have to have a damn good reason to tip less. If you wanted to tip less, you had to explain why to the manager, and it would be up to HIS discretion.

    Well, that goes without saying, but since it’s MY perfect restaurant, it would be up to MY discretion and the answer will always be to tip your server.

    Also, there would be an IQ test to get in the restaurant at all.

    No lie. If you can’t read the menu, you can’t come in.

    Reply

  8. Catherine
    Jul 21, 2010 @ 23:11:53

    In my ideal restaurant every diner would need a special licence which showed they had passed a ‘Dining Out Test’ and knew how to behave in that environment!

    Yes! Not only are inconsiderate asshole annoying to the staff, they are also annoying to other diners. I can see I’ll have to post a list of rules at the door.

    Reply

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