Observant Customers

Saturday night I had a couple in my section who spent more time watching me than they did eating their food.  It was weird.

When I carried food to their table the man said, “Well, you’re no rookie, are you?”

I asked what he meant and he said, “You have all those plates stacked and balanced just right.  You’ve been doing this for a while, haven’t you.”  Longer than I care to think about.

Then the hostess sat a really old, crunchy couple next to the observers.  The crunchy people immediately got up and moved themselves to one of my booths.  I HATE it when people move, but whatever.  The old guy ordered the special and when I asked what he wanted for his side dishes, he asked what his options were.  I told him where they were listed on the menu, but he didn’t have his glasses, so I slowly listed them for him.  Then he asked what the special was.  I told him it was steak and skewered coconut shrimp.  Okay.  He still wanted it.

When the old lady tried to order, I realized she could neither read nor hear the words that were coming out of my mouth.  I bent down and tried to speak in a loud voice without sounding like I was yelling at her.  She said she wanted a steak.  I helped her pick the steak and her sides before her husband said she should just have the special.  She asked what the special was.  I said it was steak and skewered coconut shrimp, steak and coconut shrimp, yes, steak and shrimp.

I stopped to check on the observing couple and the guy said, “I wondered how you were going to handle that.  They seem a little out of it.”  Dude, are you writing a book or making a documentary?  Stop watching me!

I took the old couple’s food to them and gave them about 10 minutes before I went back to check on them.  “What are these things?” the old lady asked, pointing to the shrimp.

“They are skewered coconut shrimp.  Coconut shrimp.  Shrimp.”

“Oh!  I wish you had told me they were shrimp.  I’m allergic to shrimp.”  Great.  I haven’t had anyone try to die in my section this summer.  Yet.

The old guy snatched the last uneaten shrimp off her plate while I stared at her, waiting for her throat to close up.

“They didn’t taste like shrimp so I’ll probably be okay,” she told me.  Uh yeah, cuz allergies are all about the taste.

I quickly gave them their check and watched them until they left just in case I had to call 911.

When I went back to the observing couple, the guy told me I handled the old couple very well and congratulated me on not once losing my patience with them. 


I’ve never had someone obviously watching me while I did my job.  I want to know what his deal was.


11 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. morethananelectrician
    Jul 27, 2010 @ 02:31:14

    Some random clapping might be a welcome part of my day…a “golf clap” for routine phone calls and materials orders and roars for payment receipts. Maybe we all need some audiences. I do a pretty good job of driving to work…I should be applauded for it!!!!

    The adoration is great, but the commentary was weird.


  2. whatigotsofar
    Jul 27, 2010 @ 03:00:47

    Did Pervy McWatchyouwork at least leave you a decent tip?

    Yes, about 30%. If everyone would leave 30% they could all watch me work.


  3. Marianna
    Jul 27, 2010 @ 04:38:10

    He was probably bored with his date.

    That means he was bored nearly into a coma. I’m not that exciting.


  4. izziedarling
    Jul 27, 2010 @ 05:53:53

    Hmmmm …. could be looking for someone to run His company … you never know ….

    I’ve had job offers before from customers. Unfortunately, they want me to relocate and they don’t really know what a pain in the ass I am.


  5. Bob
    Jul 27, 2010 @ 07:16:26

    You don’t usually have your customers watching you and talking with you?

    No, customers are usually oblivious to me. I am nothing more than a fixture. I can’t tell you how many times people will confuse me with other waitresses who look nothing like me, or tell me they can’t find their server when I’m standing right at their table.


  6. DarcKnyt
    Jul 27, 2010 @ 09:58:52

    I bet one of two things happens now:

    1) You end up on YouTube and go viral. Fame and fortune are yours.

    Ack! I don’t know if I looked good. Was I wearing earrings? Did I have food all over me? (Well of course I did.) Was my lipstick smeared? No youtube for me.

    2) You end up getting strange presents and packages in the mail from your secret admirer. Later, he shows up at your door to ask you to marry him. When you refuse, he forces himself on you. Fame and notoriety are yours. Fortune if you survive and file a civil suit.

    If he shows up at my door, my dogs will eat him. No one with any brains willingly knocks on my door.

    But that’s only my opinion because of what you say about the people of the town where you live. They strike me as “People of the Corn” creepy.

    They are “People of the Corn”. The only reason I’m any different is I know they are creepy.


  7. DarcsFalcon
    Jul 27, 2010 @ 13:36:22

    He was a writer, planning on doing a sequel to Deliverance there in your town, and he was profiling you for the heroine who notices the weird things happening in the town with the old local couple, Bubba and Nadine, who fake being an old crunchy (?!) couple who think they like shrimp but don’t, and who secretly grind up the tourists who pass through.

    Uh…you’re kinda scaring me.

    OR he’s going to paint you as the only one in town immune to the zombie virus that’s infecting everyone and causing them to throw themselves in front of the bison as an offering to the Bison Gods of Yellowstone.


    OR he was just really nosey.


  8. trailerparkbarbie
    Jul 27, 2010 @ 17:07:34

    Well, I’m gonna keep a check on IFC and Sundance channels to see if there is a documentary starring you.
    Want you to know that since I started reading your blog, I have much more empathy for waiters/waitresses/servers/hostesses. And, I tip more than I use to tip. Not that I stiffed people. I didn’t. I just tipped what was required most of the time. Now, I tip at least 25%. You’ve really made me see what kind of crap they have to put up with sometimes.

    Servers all over give you a big round of applause and a hearty ‘Thank You!’

    As usual…love your blog!

    Thanks, love yours too.


  9. M.T.
    Jul 28, 2010 @ 01:29:16

    Well, after what everyone else has already said….

    I’m going to open a small restaurant soon. I wish like hell I could staff it with people like you. I don’t want any phony bitches on my staff. Just real humans, with good street smarts, who are proffesionals.

    And that’s what you are Yellowcat. A real pro. And a good human.

    I’ve read every single one of your blog posts. And it makes me happy to know that 1,000 miles away is a server I can tolerate.

    You remind me of my mother. Alot.

    Does that make me creepy? Lol. I mean it as a compliment.

    God bless….

    Thank you very much.

    Sometimes I think about opening my own very small restaurant, but then I realize I’d piss everyone off in no time and wouldn’t have any customers or coworkers.

    Good luck to you on the new restaurant. You have to be very excited!


  10. Becky
    Jul 31, 2010 @ 08:02:51

    Um, maybe he loved you. Duh. 😉

    Just what I need.


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