Random Things that Freak Me Out

The other night my last table was a very pleasant family.  Mom, dad and three early teen kids.  They were very polite and full of smiles and questions.  The mom was quite pretty and had this captivating smile that made me smile and feel all happy.  And then she gestured at the menu…

OMG!!  She had midget fingers!  I nearly passed out.  For the rest of the order I was busy looking for other signs of midget-ism which would explain her grotesque fingers, but she was normal size.  Her legs were touching the floor while seated, her arms were longer than mine, her palms were about the same size as mine, but her fingers…OMFG!  The longer she pointed at the menu, the more queasy I felt.  Then she ordered for the kids by pointing at each of them.  I felt myself going light headed and I knew I was going to throw up and pass out if she didn’t stop showing me her hands.

As soon as I could break away from the table I ran  (in horror) to the waitstation.  I told everyone in there (standing around doing nothing) about the midget fingers.  While I was getting their drinks, one of the boy twins said, “Man, I wish I could go out there and see her fingers, but there’s already one of me out there.  Some people find that freaky.”  HAHAHAHA!  Maybe he was putting me in my place or maybe he was stating a fact of his life.

I spent the rest of my time with the family avoiding eye contact with the fingers and praying that one of them wouldn’t touch me.  I would have passed out for sure.

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11 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. whatigotsofar
    Aug 03, 2010 @ 14:26:44

    This one time, I was at a Burger King and the woman serving me had two thumbs on the same hand.

    No way! I would have had to go to McDonalds. Ack!

    Reply

  2. thelifeofjamie
    Aug 03, 2010 @ 14:48:42

    My friend’s fiance has freak short fingers. It weirds me out- I don’t know how she can marry him! I even had a nurse with three fingers when I was delivering my first kid, but short stubby fingers make me stare with my mouth open!

    I seldom notice women’s hands, but they are one of the first things I look at on a man. Short, stubby, sausage-ish fingers are a dealbreaker.

    Reply

    • Fuck My Table
      Aug 03, 2010 @ 16:47:40

      There’s a guy auditioning on MasterChef (the new U.S. version) with three fingers on each hand. A thumb, a long finger on the outside, and a small short skinny finger in the middle. Creepy.

      I think it airs tonight if you want to take a look. Personally, I think I’ll have to take a bathroom break while he auditions and hope he doesn’t get an apron. But I bet he will and I’ll have to stare at his creepy hands for five more episodes.

      This is yet another reason I don’t watch any reality TV shows. I see enough creepy, malformed people in real life, I refuse to be entertained by them.

      Reply

  3. redriverpak
    Aug 03, 2010 @ 14:59:28

    My dad had me convinced for years that I was born with crab claws and a tail. On my 40th Birthday he told me he was just joking… 🙂

    Oh you and your dad. 🙂

    Reply

  4. Fuck My Table
    Aug 03, 2010 @ 16:46:03

    Ewwww. I waited on a family with a kid that looked about 14 and I only noticed halfway through taking the order that the kid was missing his right arm at the shoulder. Holy fuck.
    It wasn’t the missing arm that creeped me out so much as how long it took me to notice. He was very adept with only one hand and arm, so I imagine he hasn’t had it for a long time.

    I notice missing limbs and fingers almost immediately. Losing my pieces is one of my biggest fears so I wonder how other people cope with it. Not too long ago I had an old man tug at my arm to get my attention. I bent down so I could hear him speak and he latched onto my arm with a death grip. I asked him once to let go and he didn’t, so he got slapped. He was all offended, but I was pretty offended that he left a bruise on my arm.

    The only thing that’s really creeped me out was a mentally retarded guy who came in to eat. I was nice and treated him like any normal guest, but he had really bad B.O. I tried to keep my distance from the table in general but then he grabbed my apron and pulled me up next to him when it was his turn to order. I was freaked out so badly that the longest I stayed at the table was about 3 seconds to ask how everything tasted or to drop a refill. I even had someone else drop their food and check.

    People who grab me, retarded or not, tend to get their hands slapped. People with B.O. get slapped harder and faster.

    Reply

  5. DarcsFalcon
    Aug 03, 2010 @ 22:56:41

    Dwarf fingers freak you out? That’s just funny! They’re only fingers, YC, just fingers. They won’t hurt you. 🙂

    They might and I’m not taking any chances.

    I knew a girl in HS who had a withered arm and hand. It was weird looking. I think other kids freaked out, like it would happen to them too if they touched her or something. Now that I think about it, maybe withered isn’t the right word. Anyway, one of her arms looked like it belonged to a small child, while her other arm was normal. She could use it, just not very well.

    That sort of stuff doesn’t bother me. I see lots of people with deformed arms and legs.

    Reply

  6. M.T.
    Aug 04, 2010 @ 00:45:38

    Aw you’re making me feel kind of bad on this one Yellowcat…. I lost two fingers years ago. On a tablesaw. Pinky and ring finger on my left hand. A lot of woman have treated me like a freak since then. One time a small child cried while pointing at my hand. Once I picked a girl up at a bar and right in the middle of making out she stopped and asked me if I could please not touch her neck with “THAT HAND”…

    Hell the girlfriend I have now still laughs at my improvised style of typing. And my fellow cooks constantly mock my unusual style of knife-work. I have thick skin, but it does get a little old.

    Leave that poor midget-finger lady alone lol…

    The only issue I have with people missing fingers is that I know it had to hurt like hell and I recoil imagining their pain. The small child you mention was probably doing the same. The woman was an idiot.

    The midget fingers were so awful because the lady was pretty and nice and they were out of place on her. I wouldn’t have even noticed if she was short, ugly and rude. 🙂

    Reply

    • M.T.
      Aug 04, 2010 @ 02:48:59

      I was just busting your chops a bit. I wasn’t really offended.

      But people are mean.

      Here is something you wouldn’t expect though. It was virtually painless when I cut my fingers off. The saw blade caught a knot in the lumber, jerked my hands, and bam! It was done. It didn’t hurt as bad as a bee sting. The terrible part was looking at my hand and seeing what had occurred. That was horrifying.

      Years ago some high school girl cut her hand off in a wood shop class. She said she didn’t even know it happened until she looked down and saw her hand on the floor. I find it hard to believe there isn’t incredible pain involved.

      The pain didn’t start until the attempt to re-attach them failed. I got an ugly staph infection. If I ever cut one off again, I’ll just tell them to let it go. I’d rather be missing a couple of digits than go through that business again.

      I believe this. Doctors always make it worse before they give up and make it better. I think it’s less about what is best for the patient and more about making a name for themselves.

      Plus, as much as I get made fun of, a lot of people are actually impressed by how efficiently I can work with my “talon”. Lol…

      I’m impressed when people come back from adversity rather than wallowing in self pity. Kudos to you!

      Reply

      • Fuck My Table
        Aug 04, 2010 @ 14:20:49

        Owwww! I think I’m with yellowcat on being more creeped out imagining how digits and limbs were lost than the fact that they’re missing. It also creeps me out when I don’t notice for a long time, too.

        My driving instructor years ago was missing the ring finger on his left hand. The hand he used to signal me where to go. I didn’t notice until my seventh and final lesson. When I did, during the parallel parking part, I couldn’t focus on driving. All I could think was “How the fuck have I not noticed that until JUST NOW??”

        I didn’t ever ask him how he lost it; he wasn’t very friendly. I settled on believing he was kidnapped and the finger was cut off and send as proof he was alive so the family would pay the ransom. Probably not even close to the truth, but it’s slightly more badass than “I accidentally hacked it off while chopping wood” or something.

        By the way MT…that sucks about the staph infection after trying to reattach your fingers. I’ve heard that is VERY painful. 😦

        I notice things like that immediately, but other things completely escape my attention. Yesterday while my son and I were driving to work I asked how long a massive steel building had been in this field. Apparently, it has been there for about 2 years.

        Reply

  7. noe noe girl
    Aug 04, 2010 @ 09:22:02

    Well at least she wasnt sucking them!
    <

    Thanks for *that* image. I might have to go lie down.

    Reply

  8. DarcKnyt
    Aug 04, 2010 @ 10:46:10

    This is probably inappropriate, but I got shivers and sat cringing reading M.T.’s comments. The story of the table saw just ran a chill down my spine.

    No doubt. I’m more than a little afraid of power tools. All of my visions of them involve blood and pain.

    Reply

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