Crime & Punishment #1

Crime:  Ignoring me when I ask for your drink order.  If you don’t answer, I assume you don’t want a drink (actually, I assume you are too dumb to read the menu and order a drink at the same time, but I’m an asshole that way).  I will give you 10 seconds to order or even to look like you are thinking of ordering and then I will walk away.

Why this is a crime:  Waiting tables is all about timing.  Getting your drinks while you are reading the menu (hopefully) means that once I get your order and hang the ticket for the cooks, I’m ready to move on to the next table while you enjoy your cool, refreshing beverage.  If I have to take your drinks to you after I hang the ticket for the cooks, the time you spent reading the menu was wasted time for me and now I’m behind.  There’s also a 50/50 chance that I am going to forget your drinks and you will be pissed.

He should have paid attention.


You will sit all dry and parched while I stand in line behind 2 servers, waiting to enter your order into the computer.  Then I will get tired of waiting, start on your drink order while gossiping, forget what I was doing, take out some food, remember I haven’t put your order into the computer, notice there is a line for the computer again, finish your drink order, enter your order into the computer, flirt with the cooks, hang your ticket, get beer for the underage servers, and realize you don’t have drinks while I’m getting a drink order from another table.  You will get your drinks at the same time the table who didn’t ignore me gets theirs. 

Is this a planned punishment?  No, it just works out that way. 

How to avoid this punishment:  Pay attention to me.  If I’m talking, it isn’t because I have extra words to use up before the end of the day.  My job entails bringing you food AND beverages.  If you want both, you better speak up.

Retarded responses to “Would you care for something to drink?”

1.  “No, I’ll just have an iced tea.”  Isn’t that a drink?

2.  “Whaddayahave?”  The same drinks every restaurant has.

3.  “Pepsi or Coke?” 


“Pepsi or Coke?” 


“Pepsi or Coke?” 

“We have Pepsi products.” 

“I’ll have a Pepsi or a Coke.”   Fucktard.


7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Becky
    Aug 25, 2010 @ 08:56:26

    Poor you. I always assumed that everybody knew the drill. You sit down, someone takes your drink order, you peruse the menu, pick something, get your drink, order. Done.

    That is the way it’s supposed to work.

    I hate when I’m not sure what I want though, and the server leaves forever because I couldn’t make up my mind. Sometimes I just don’t know! Especially if there are a lot of choices and I’m hungry. Do you hate those people?

    I don’t hate people who need more time to look at the menu. I hate people who need more time to look at the menu while I’m standing at their table because they insist they are ready to order. Which is tomorrow’s Crime & Punishment topic.


  2. redriverpak
    Aug 25, 2010 @ 09:50:03

    “Cheeseboogey…Cheeseboogey…Cheeseboogey…Cheeps…Cheeps….No coke! Pepsi!”

    Sorry, was having a classic SNL flashback…..

    HAHAHAHA! People my age do that sometimes. The other night a family was doing the John Travolta pose from Saturday Night Fever. Cracked me up.


  3. Ahmnodt Heare
    Aug 25, 2010 @ 15:57:19

    What brands of beer do you have? By knowing now, I can give a quick answer if I should happen to be in your restaurant.

    Bud, Bud Light, Bud Light Lime, Coors, Coors Light, Miller Light, MGD, MGD 64, Corona, Snake River Lager, Moose Drool, Blue Moon, Fat Tire and Widmer Hefeweizen. I recommend the Moose Drool.


  4. izziedarling
    Aug 25, 2010 @ 16:18:44

    So sorry you have to deal with the frigging dipshits but your stories are sooooo good. Leaving you a $200 virtual tip and I’ll have a Pepsi with that.

    Thanks for the tip & I’ll be right back with your Pepsi.


  5. M.T.
    Aug 25, 2010 @ 19:29:38

    Not long ago I was dining with a party of about 8. Everyone was talking and not paying any attention while the waitress was trying to take the drink order. Four consecutive people asked if she had Pepsi or Coke products. She’d say “Pepsi”, they’d pick something, and then the next person would realize it was their turn, and would innocently ask “Uh, do you have Coke or Pepsi products?” The fourth person, after being told “Pepsi!” ordered a Sprite. I thought the waitress was going to have a stroke.

    I’m glad to see I’m not the only waitress who loses her shit when people refuse to pay attention. I don’t know if you were reading my blog when I posted this,

    When large groups are talking and not paying attention I wander off and come back when they are ready to get down to business. People go out to socialize and if they are busy talking I’m not going to waste their time and mine trying to get them to order. If no one’s in a hurry, I’ll go smoke.


  6. DarcsFalcon
    Aug 26, 2010 @ 00:15:23

    I love Pepsi! I am SO coming to your restaurant when I’m in WY, because it’s so hard to find Pepsi at places. Stupid Coke. And why do people always have to ask, “Pepsi or Coke”? I always say, “Pepsi please,” and the server will either say, “Okay,” or “Is Coke okay?” To which I’ll say, “Sure!” Why make life difficult? It’s not like they’re THAT different.

    9 times out of 10 I clarify that we have Pepsi because some people really don’t like it, but then I get tired of people not looking at the menu and I serve them Pepsi. Coke sucks.

    I am one of those who needs more time to order. I know what drink I want, but I need about 10 min to read the whole menu and figure out what I’d like to have, if I’ve never been there before. If I have, then I have my regular for that place. But I never ever tell the server I’m ready when I’m not. Nonono. Bad juju! Why do people think holding the server “hostage” like that will ever turn out well?

    I don’t care if you need 30 minutes to order, just tell me you need some time and I’ll tell you to wave me over when you’re ready. It’s the ones who won’t tell me they need more time that piss me off. I’m not going to run off. If you need 1 minute, I’ll be back in 1 minute.


  7. skippymom
    Aug 26, 2010 @ 07:03:32

    I am a coke drinker and that is what I buy for my home – but when I am in a restaurant – wtf? Who cares if it is coke or pepsi – it is COLA people – and besides I love Pepsi with Taco Bell, yum. Can’t drink coke with that [because Pepsi is what the serve obviously :)]

    I used to work for Pepsi so I’m pretty loyal to the brand, but if I want a cola and Coke is it, then I drink Coke. It’s not all that different.

    Anyway – what I really hate is when people argue with you about why you only sell one or the other “well why CAN’T you have coke too?” Well, because it would piss off the Pepsi people? Jeesh – and then they sigh and get all sad and say “I’ll just have water.” Oh boo hoo – like your tubby tummy is going to miss the 1,200 calories you were going to ingest after I brought you three refills? You need the water buddy.

    We have 22 ounce glasses and holy shit do people suck them down. I think one refill is enough, but some people have 3 or 4 refills. Diet drinkers are the worst. They think just because there aren’t any calories, they can drink gallons of the stuff. News flash!: Diet sodas are bad for you.


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