Most servers will tell you that certain tables are cursed. If something goes wrong early in the shift, it just keeps going wrong until you end up crying from the sheer frustration of it all. My Table 1 was the cursed table tonight.
First off was a table of Texans. That in itself should be explanation enough since Texans know all there is to know about barbeque. Whatever. When I asked if they would care for something to drink the woman said, “No, I want to choke on my dinner.”
I said, “I’m sorry?”
She again said, “I want to choke on my dinner.”
“Okaay…what does that mean?”
“You asked if I wanted something to drink and I said I wanted to choke on my dinner.”
“So, is that a yes or a no?”
Her husband yelled, “It’s sarcasm,” then rolled his eyes and shook his head like I was stupid. I’m sorry, I’m used to sarcasm actually being funny.
Then she gave me her drink order (sweet tea, no lemon, no ice) very slowly.
In the course of waiting on them I purposely forgot her drink, and his extra rib sauce. I accidentally spilled rib sauce all over her sandwich, which caused a 10 minute delay on her food while the kitchen made a new one. I guess that’s what you get for treating me like I’m retarded.
The very next people to sit at Table 1 requested it so she could have some privacy while she nursed her baby. Privacy, my ass. I walked out to the table to pour water and she had her shirt hiked up, no blanket or anything, and the kid attached to her boob. I was respectful and didn’t stare or scream or pour water all over the table. I gave them about 10 minutes to read the menu and get their act together.
When I went out to take their order, she had switched the kid to the other side and I had a full on view of her mammary. I tried to look out the window, at the ceiling, or in the kitchen, but she was having none of that shit. She inquired about 4 or 5 different menu items while she readjusted her nipple, pulled the kid off, lifted up her boob, reattached the kid and other breast feeding rituals. She kept asking, “Which is better…?” I wanted to say, “Putting a blanket over you so I don’t have to watch.”
I did not breast feed. Yeah, I know it’s great. I don’t care. Full view breast feeding is legal in Wyoming, but just because it’s legal doesn’t mean I want to be a part of it. Keep your boob in your shirt and I won’t fart and belch while I’m taking your order.
Holy shit people! Learn some manners!