Sarcasm & Boobs

Most servers will tell you that certain tables are cursed.  If something goes wrong early in the shift, it just keeps going wrong until you end up crying from the sheer frustration of it all.  My Table 1 was the cursed table tonight.

First off was a table of Texans.  That in itself should be explanation enough since Texans know all there is to know about barbeque.  Whatever.  When I asked if they would care for something to drink the woman said, “No, I want to choke on my dinner.”

I said, “I’m sorry?”

She again said, “I want to choke on my dinner.”

“Okaay…what does that mean?”

“You asked if I wanted something to drink and I said I wanted to choke on my dinner.”

“So, is that a yes or a no?”

Her husband yelled, “It’s sarcasm,” then rolled his eyes and shook his head like I was stupid.  I’m sorry, I’m used to sarcasm actually being funny.  

Then she gave me her drink order (sweet tea, no lemon, no ice) very slowly.

In the course of waiting on them I purposely forgot her drink, and his extra rib sauce.  I accidentally spilled rib sauce all over her sandwich, which caused a 10 minute delay on her food while the kitchen made a new one.  I guess that’s what you get for treating me like I’m retarded.

The very next people to sit at Table 1 requested it so she could have some privacy while she nursed her baby.  Privacy, my ass.  I walked out to the table to pour water and she had her shirt hiked up, no blanket or anything, and the kid attached to her boob.  I was respectful and didn’t stare or scream or pour water all over the table.  I gave them about 10 minutes to read the menu and get their act together.

When I went out to take their order, she had switched the kid to the other side and I had a full on view of her mammary.  I tried to look out the window, at the ceiling, or in the kitchen, but she was having none of that shit.  She inquired about 4 or 5 different menu items while she readjusted her nipple, pulled the kid off, lifted up her boob, reattached the kid and other breast feeding rituals.  She kept asking, “Which is better…?”  I wanted to say, “Putting a blanket over you so I don’t have to watch.”

This is what breast feeding in public looks like.

I did not breast feed.  Yeah, I know it’s great.  I don’t care.  Full view breast feeding is legal in Wyoming, but just because it’s legal doesn’t mean I want to be a part of it.  Keep your boob in your shirt and I won’t fart and belch while I’m taking your order. 

Holy shit people!  Learn some manners!

13 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Becky
    Sep 05, 2010 @ 07:25:28

    Yikes. I’m on the fence about sarcasm. Sometimes it’s funny, but other times it’s just plain mean. Why was she being rude to you? I would understand if you had been a bad server and she was just being passive aggressive about it, but geez.

    Don’t people understand that if they’re rude to the server, they’re going to get spit or something worse in their food? Duh.

    I don’t tamper with food, but I have a million other ways to make a meal miserable.

    She started being a smart ass the second I walk up to the table. I didn’t have a chance to be a bad server, but I made up for it later.


  2. frolicking lady
    Sep 05, 2010 @ 09:14:08

    You can’t go wrong with a blog entitled “sarcasm and boobs”

    How do you feel about women who aren’t nursing flashing you their boobs and their sarcasm? 😉

    If the sarcasm is good, I’m all for it. I guess the same could be said for the boobs, but since I have some of my own, I’m not really into looking at others.

    I nursed my two babies but always covered myself. Don’t really have a wish to flash my boobs to the world….don’t really understand women who do…

    In all my years of food service, that was the first time a woman didn’t cover herself. In fact, I think it was the first time in my life I saw full on nursing.

    Ladies…maybe it’s legal for you to do it…but this is America…If you want to throw your boobs in everyone’s faces while nursing, I’m sure there are dozens of European countries where that is the norm….but while in Rome…

    I agree.


  3. Vodka and Ground Beef
    Sep 05, 2010 @ 10:34:52

    Great post. I hate that first table of Texans. My favorite line: “Texans know all there is to know about barbeque. Whatever.”

    We hear it all.the.time. “I’m from Texas and I know barbeque. This ain’t barbeque.” Oh, shove it up your ass. I’ve got to the point where as soon as I hear, “I’m from Texas…” I walk away from the table.


  4. redriverpak
    Sep 05, 2010 @ 13:51:38

    Hey! I’m from Texas!…..hello…..hello….anyone there…..(Damn! Everyone left!)…. Let me say in advance, if my family and I ever come to your restaurant, we will promise not to whip out nipples as long as you promise not to belch or fart anywhere near our food! 🙂



  5. morethananelectrician
    Sep 05, 2010 @ 15:55:54

    I’m for seeing boobs…it is a rarity, so I get what I can..when I can. Hanging out in playlands might seem creepy…but it is what it is…

    HAHAHA! I don’t think you would have wanted to see this action, though.


  6. whatigotsofar
    Sep 06, 2010 @ 06:21:27

    A breast is a beautiful thing, but it sickens me to see a baby hanging on one of them.

    I agree.


  7. Sparty Girl
    Sep 06, 2010 @ 08:32:30

    I nursed both of my kids, and there is no reason in the world to be immodest about it. When my first one was an infant I met my BFF at the mall. I was there early and the baby was hungry, so I fed her. My friend walked up, said hi, sat down, and only then figured out what the baby and I were up to. Not only that, but they make clothes specifically to assist with the process. The bottom line is some people just aren’t sensitive to others.

    I don’t care if you do nurse, but please be respectful of others, especially strangers who are just trying to do their job.


  8. DarcsFalcon
    Sep 06, 2010 @ 19:22:05

    Good grief, I never nursed in public without a blanket, it’s not hard! I even used a blanket if I was sitting in the car, on the off chance someone might walk by. Nursing doesn’t have to be hostile, and yet so many women seem to make that their aim. 🙄

    Many women do get all offended if you don’t appreciate the beauty of breast feeding. I’ll appreciate the beauty of it if you don’t shove it in my face.

    And what’s up with that sarcasm? Choke with dinner? Fine, be my guest, but I’ve got you on tape saying that so you can’t sue. Sheesh!

    She was weird.


  9. izziedarling
    Sep 07, 2010 @ 07:44:53

    Sorry for the Texas witch, we aren’t all that way. Didn’t breast feed either. And not a fan of others who whip it out in public. Meh!

    I know you’re a great Texan!


  10. Banquet Manager
    Sep 07, 2010 @ 08:14:10

    Just came across your blog. I like your take on things, especially the breast feeding in public stuff. Please visit my little place on the web:
    So You Want To Be a Banquet Manager

    Hi! I’ve seen you on other servers’ blogrolls and I have every intention of visiting your blog. Unfortunately, several days creep up on me at once and wipe me out.


  11. Molly Malone
    Sep 07, 2010 @ 12:28:11

    I’m all for breastfeeding – I even have a pair of my own – but there is something creepy about people who breastfeed in public…

    Especially with her husband looking on. I felt like I was an involuntary participant in a three some.


  12. Molly Malone
    Sep 07, 2010 @ 16:49:50

    How do I email you? I want to give you an award 🙂

    I love awards!! I’ll drop you an email.


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