Just When You Think Your Job Stinks

A friendly fellow server blogger wrote, “Today sucked so hard I think it left a hickey” and I think that about sums up my night.  Tonight sucked out my will to continue doing the job I do.  I serve food and beverages.  I am NOT a nurse.  I am NOT a sanitation worker.  I am NOT a janitor.  If I wanted to do any of those things, I would seek employment in a hospital, a waste treatment facility or a school.  That I choose to work around food does NOT mean I wish to see the digested final product.  I especially do NOT want to find it plastered to the back of one of my booths.

One of my first tables tonight was an old man and woman.  The old man hobbled his way to the men’s room and was in there for about 20 minutes.  The last time an old man with a cane was in the can that long, he shit on the floor and walked in it, tracking it all over the dining room.  I made all sorts of mental threats involving pain and agony for this man if he was crapping on the men’s room floor, which I would have to clean later.  As soon as he came out of the rest room, I sent one of the guys in to check that it was clean.

We got busy then, and I forgot my shit concerns.  The old couple ate their food and I cashed them out at the register.  The old fart asked if we had a senior citizen’s discount and I apologized that we didn’t.  I cleaned their table, pocketed the 10% tip and went out to check my other tables.  As I walked back, I noticed a big, brown spot on the back of the booth where the old couple had been sitting.  Closer inspection revealed a golf ball sized lump of shit stuck to the wood.

Fuck my life.

All I can figure is he shit in the men’s room, missed the toilet and got it in his pants.  When he pulled his pants up, it ended up on his back and when he sat in the booth…well, it’s pretty obvious what happened when he sat in the booth.  Fuck that.  Why am I even wondering how his shit ended up in the dining room?  All I care about is that it did and I had to clean it up while shielding other diners from the ugly truth.  Then some bitch ass woman who was getting an order to go, who I had absolutely no contact with, complained that I didn’t look very friendly. 

FUCK YOU ALL!!!  Seriously.

Don’t judge me until you have to walk a mile in my Crocs.  I can guarantee you won’t like it.


18 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. DarcsFalcon
    Sep 15, 2010 @ 00:17:12

    I just don’t get it. If they’re able to be out and about, wandering around town and going out to eat, why is going to the potty such a problem?

    I’ve heard this story before, on airplanes, other restaurants, basically any place of business that has elderly folks as clientele. It’s just sad. Please God, don’t ever let me lose control of my bowels or bladder in public!

    I wouldn’t have looked very friendly either, I can tell you that much.

    I can’t tell you how close I came to sitting on the floor and crying. I am so sick of this shit. Really. If it’s not the kids screaming, it’s the old men shitting everywhere.


  2. M.T.
    Sep 15, 2010 @ 01:34:01

    Oddly, I just finished writing about a negative experience I had with an elderly person today also. But it looks like you have me beat on this one.

    I just read your post and I don’t know what I would have done with that asshole. I do know he would have received his order sometime in Nevruary

    I totally hear what you’re saying about your job, and the nonsense you have to deal with, and how people really don’t understand what it’s like. I’ve been punched in the face by a drunk before, when I had to act as a bouncer because I was the only male in the building. I’ve had to deal with a shit-soaked men’s bathroom before close too. I’ve seen a Mexican dishwasher lose his mind due to meth and run around the kitchen with a knife threatening to stab other workers.

    One thing I didn’t mention is how some little drug dealing bitch flipped out on me tonight when I told her she couldn’t leave until ALL the work was finished, not just what she thought was her share. I am so fucking sick of some of the people Darren hired I might set my hair on fire.

    And then my girlfriend gets mad at me because I come home at midnight, exhausted and reeking of kitchen, and I just want to drink six ounces of bourbon while I sit in the dark. I sure as shit don’t want to talk about her day at the office, or answer questions about why I’m in a bad mood lol…

    People get mad at me when I talk about work. They have “lives”. Assholes.

    Hang in there sister. You aren’t alone. I think about quitting the restaurant game and just getting some minimum wage gig most every night. Anything to end the pain 🙂 Tomorrow is another day. And hopefully, it will be better…

    I know I’m not alone and I’m glad I’ve found others like me out there…cynical, bitchy, but unwilling to give it up. Tomorrow is another day and it will be better.


    • M.T.
      Sep 15, 2010 @ 01:49:02

      “Nevruary” is hilarious. It’s 3:45am here, my girlfiend will certainly be inquiring as to what that loud burst of laughter that woke her up in the middle of the night was about…

      At least she’ll know you’re not watching porn.


  3. skippymom
    Sep 15, 2010 @ 03:29:01

    I too laughed at Nevruary – that’s great. And the hickey crack? I woke up the dog. 😀 Sorry your day went this bad, I honestly can’t even imagine. You have my sympathy and my admiration. Hope tomorrow is better.

    It can’t be worse. It’s my second Friday of the week.


  4. whatigotsofar
    Sep 15, 2010 @ 04:07:15

    I read your blog to remind myself that my job doesn’t suck completely. Frankly, your shitty ass job makes my job look like a walk in the cake, and that’s angel food cake, not the shit cake you have to walk in every day.

    If the money wasn’t so good, I’d be gone. However, there comes a point where money isn’t everything.


  5. Bob
    Sep 15, 2010 @ 05:14:31

    I don’t understand how customers can be that stupid.

    How could he sit there for an hour and not smell his own shit? My only consolation is he now has shit all over his car seat.


  6. Sherri
    Sep 15, 2010 @ 05:15:37

    I’m wondering why it’s always the old men shitting everywhere. Why can elderly ladies get themselves clean while the men can’t? Oh, that’s right. They’re men.

    Yeah, what’s up with that? Women make messes too, but at least they are limited to the restroom.


  7. Fuck My Table
    Sep 15, 2010 @ 06:07:07

    Oh. My. God. I don’t know if I could have dealt with finding shit in the booth. That’s just…wow.

    It was a first for me.

    If I ever get so old that I don’t notice shit in my pants, just shoot me and put me out of my misery.

    I second that.

    Also, thanks for mentioning my blog! I kind of want to hear about the merlot lady now…;)

    Thanks for providing the quote! If nothing better happens tonight I’ll write about the merlot lady.


  8. redriverpak
    Sep 15, 2010 @ 06:51:49

    There’s no way your getting paid enough for what you put up with! I don’t know what to say…. Just when I thought there was no possible way you could post anything more horrific than the stories of some of your previous customers, you have this little experience! I don’t know how you do it!…..

    Again, it took everything I had not to sit on the floor and cry. I am really tired of people being so inconsiderate and clueless. How do you not know you have shit on your back, but you still remember to ask for a discount?

    For 6 months of the year I average $28 an hour. The other 6 months of the year I average $15 an hour. That’s damned good money for this area and it’s hard to walk away from it. Plus, I love most of my coworkers. I don’t know how much more I have in me, though.


  9. izziedarling
    Sep 15, 2010 @ 06:57:01

    This madness has got to end … you cannot have that REPULSIVE stuff happen to you anymore. I wish I could articulate my thoughts, but they are gagging. You are beyond amazing to put up with this shit (no pun intended).

    In all my years of food service at restaurants around Cody and in Laramie, with different classes of customers, I have never seen the shit (no pun intended) that goes on at this restaurant. WTF is wrong with our customers?


  10. thelifeofjamie
    Sep 15, 2010 @ 07:17:14

    that sounds like my life a little bit…but baby poo is not nearly as f-ing gross as adult poo!

    Not to mention, baby poo is YOUR baby’s poo. This was just some grouchy old man who needed to be in a nursing home.


  11. Molly Malone
    Sep 15, 2010 @ 07:32:50

    Jeez… that is bloody awful! I could in no way deal with that… Shouldn’t they be wearing Depends at this point?!

    One would think. They make those things for a reason.


  12. Nycgirl
    Sep 15, 2010 @ 19:25:46

    Gaaaahhhhh!!! I thought working in film was a nightmare, THIS IS INSANE!

    Oh, I’m sure you have stories to rival mine.


  13. beckyb26
    Sep 15, 2010 @ 20:35:27

    Welcome to my world. I’ve had kids pee, vomit and spit on me. I’m just waiting for the poop…

    Yes, but you are in an environment where you can expect that. I’m not.


    • beckyb26
      Sep 16, 2010 @ 20:00:52

      I don’t know that teachers actually expect things like that, but I get what you’re saying. Besides, poop is always disgusting, no matter what.


  14. Ahmnodt Heare
    Sep 16, 2010 @ 09:05:38

    There comes a point in time when you have to do what is best for your mental and emotional state. I make less money working for myself than I would have in a firm, but I don’t have any of the headaches associated with co-workers and bosses.

    I think I’m reaching that point.


  15. morethananelectrician
    Sep 16, 2010 @ 16:01:11


    I second that.


  16. Katy
    Apr 26, 2011 @ 00:35:36

    We had a guy who would do this regularly at our restaurant. He wasn’t old, just disgusting. There would be a trail of crap leading from the restroom to his table. Before we figured out who he was we called him the Phantom Shitter. I am SO glad he stopped coming in before I was old enough to work the bar.

    WHAAT?! A random accident is one thing, but constant shitting?! We have a guy here in town who shits his pants all the time. He’s been banned from every public place except the bar where my roommate works. HAHAHA!


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