Last night I was at a table, taking an order when a local Cody woman, someone who eats at the restaurant ALL THE TIME, walked by me and sneezed in my ear.  That’s right.  She turned her head, did not cover her mouth, and sneezed right on me.

The people at my table were aghast.  The woman offered to go to Walmart and buy a can of Lysol for me.  I just stood there in dumbfounded amazement, with my mouth hanging open while they commented on her complete lack of manners.  She did not even say ‘excuse me’ or ‘whoops!  I’m sorry, that caught me by surprise’ or ‘HAHAHAHA!  I hate your guts’.  No.  She sneezed on me and walked to her table, as if nothing happened. 

Hi Glory. How are you today? Fine, would you like to sneeze on me?

That’s right.  I’m a waitress.  I’m no different than a booth or a coat rack or a set of silverware.  I’m merely a fixture in the restaurant.

It’s okay, though.  As I mentioned earlier, she eats at the restaurant all the time.  I’m glad to know she likes to share body fluids.  This will open a whole new chapter in our relationship.

On the plus side, at the end of the night I had a young couple who were very nice and smiley.  Their ticket was $30.95.  He handed me a fifty and told me to keep the change.  I thought I was going to have a heart attack.  Really.  I couldn’t breathe for about 15 minutes and my chest hurt.  I’m so used to people being complete assholes, the unusual kindness of strangers is going to kill me.


11 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Sherri
    Oct 02, 2010 @ 15:02:42

    That’s nice, but it doesn’t really even out. You’ll be dying of some horrible disease in your bed, looking at that 19.05 sitting on your dresser. 🙂

    I just hope she comes back in before I die of the horrible disease.

    Just kidding, I’m glad you had a good customer for once.

    Me too.


  2. DarcsFalcon
    Oct 02, 2010 @ 15:12:21

    Yeah likes the exchange of bodily fluids. Heh. Some people just don’t use the brains God gave them.

    If she only knew.

    That was a nice boost from that guy. That’s the kind of stuff that makes me break down. Asshattery I can brace for but I’m no match against kindness.

    Same here. I see so much bullshit everyday I forget there are good people.


  3. thelifeofjamie
    Oct 02, 2010 @ 15:34:40

    I’ve never met you but I am pretty sure that you don’t look like a box of tissues! YUCK!

    I’m round, not square, and I’m not soft and fluffy.


  4. CBG
    Oct 02, 2010 @ 19:33:05

    Ummm, I can’t believe people sometimes. I would have gone up to her table, once she had her food and coughed up the biggest lung juiced spit ever….right on her plate! And then said, I thought you wanted to share!

    HAHAHAHA! I have tons of stuff that I would like to do/say running through my head. I can’t believe I haven’t acted on half the stuff I imagine.


    Thanks for stopping by!


  5. DarcKnyt
    Oct 02, 2010 @ 23:10:31

    This is why I’m SOOOO going all Howard Hughes when I get rich.

    I spend a lot of time elbow deep in other people’s slop, so I’ve lost most of my germophobe tendencies, but sneezing = sickness = time off work = no income and that, my friends, pisses me off. Being rude is one thing, but having no consideration for my ability to earn a living will cause pain and suffering. She’ll be sorry.


  6. Fuck My Table
    Oct 02, 2010 @ 23:25:19

    Sneeze on her next chance you get. I’m sure she’ll complain.
    “Oh, what’s that? You sneezed on me last time; I thought it would be okay to do the same to you!”

    I’m going to make sure her salad bar plate is extra clean the next time she visits.

    I feel ya – the rare kind act is so shocking, it’s liable to kill us! Hubby and I are working on setting up our own business…and if it all works out I won’t be dealing with bitchy assholes anymore. Well…I might, but at least I can tell them what I really think of them!

    If I owned my own business I wouldn’t have any customers.


  7. whatigotsofar
    Oct 03, 2010 @ 04:53:08

    I think that’s her way of saying “Sure you can sneeze on my food.”

    That’s exactly what I understood.


  8. Vodka and Ground Beef
    Oct 04, 2010 @ 20:56:16

    Wow. I can’t believe someone sneezed into your ear. I can only think of one other place where that would be worse.

    Yeah, that probably would be worse, but since I don’t like chicks, she wouldn’t have been there.

    But as for that delicious fifty at the end of the night . . . NICE!!!!


  9. izziedarling
    Oct 05, 2010 @ 12:03:37

    That is a repulsive woman; I would have screamed, “DO YOU NEED A TISSUE? I DO, NOW, FOR MY EAR”. Poor you. Glad you got a great tip, hope you don’t have to spend it on a rabies shot.

    I did yell, “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?”, but she ignored me and kept walking. She’ll learn.


  10. redriverpak
    Oct 06, 2010 @ 08:23:57

    You deserve a lot more people like the nice couple! Next time the sneezer comes in….conveniently sneeze on her plate as you are setting it in front of her. 🙂

    I have plans for her.


  11. theinsidewaiter
    Oct 06, 2010 @ 22:56:22

    I’m so sorry this happened to you. If you makes you feel any better —- last Thursday I had to pick up somebody’s glass of vomit.

    OMG! The shit we’re expected to do makes my head want to explode. Somebody pukes, server cleans it up. Somebody craps all over, server cleans it up. WE ARE NOT SANITATION WORKERS!!


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