I Am Looking…

…for a new son.  The replacement son should be 19 years old, semi-self sufficient, and WILLING TO SPEND TIME WITH HIS MOM WHEN HE COMES HOME FOR THE WEEKEND!!!

My former son let me know he was coming home for the weekend on Thursday.  I had made plans for Friday night way back on Monday, and I didn’t want to break them.  The soon-to-be-replaced son said he had plans of his own for Friday night, so no big deal.

Saturday morning, the used-to-be son walked into my room, saw me all mashed and huddled up under my blankets and asked, “What are you doing?”  No kid of mine could be that dumb.  He asked if I wanted to go get something to eat.  Uh…no.  I’m trying to die.  Eating will only prolong my misery.

I came straight home after work on Saturday night and my spawn was nowhere.  Didn’t answer any texts, and didn’t show up to hang with his mommy.

I had plans on Sunday to meet a friend in another town for lunch after church.  I was about 10 minutes from the town when the kid who used to call himself my son sent a text asking where I was.  I told him and he said it was a bummer because he was leaving in 30 minutes.

What kind of monster have I raised?  Obviously, my son doesn’t love me anymore.

If you would like to be my son or know someone who would like to be my son, please send an inquiry to:  wheredidIgowrong@brokenheartedmom.com.

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16 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. mom
    Oct 10, 2010 @ 20:58:54

    Well, I am the mom of the Mom and I have lost her in a pool game, put her in a strangers car in a hail storm, tried to sell her and left her on the side of the road. None of the above worked for me. The Old sheep herder I lost her to in a pool game said when I went to get both kids, “I have seen those kids and I don’t want them.” On that day neither did I. No one would give me money and she kept coming home. So my dear daughter your sonny will be the same. Look at the stock he is out of. You turned out ok didn’t you? Well not every day.

    I wouldn’t give him away if he came to visit.

    Reply

  2. DarcsFalcon
    Oct 10, 2010 @ 23:24:47

    My understanding is that all sons enter a phase around 18ish or so, of believing they were sprouted from test tubes; and that this phase lasts until about 26.

    They might gain a modicum of understanding if you explained to them that if you die while they are in this “parentless” phase, that they will inherit nothing. 😉

    I have nothing to leave him anyway. Maybe I need to get some stuff.

    Sorry he’s been such a poop to you.

    Really, it was just that our schedules conflicted when he came home on short notice. That doesn’t stop me from giving him hell, though.

    Reply

  3. whatigotsofar
    Oct 11, 2010 @ 05:23:36

    He’s 19. This is just a phase.

    And the pendulum rocks the other way too. My mother can’t get rid of me.

    That’s sweet. Boys should love their moms.

    Reply

  4. redriverpak
    Oct 11, 2010 @ 06:50:14

    Hang in there! My 23yrd old and 20yr old share a house 7 miles away and I only see them on Holidays and that is only because they know they can come over for free food. 🙂

    I think he came home to steal my computer and found out I’d bury him with the pig if he did.

    Reply

  5. izziedarling
    Oct 11, 2010 @ 12:31:46

    I feel your pain, sort of. My oldest is pretty good – she calls and wants to do stuff but I usually can’t (she doesn’t go out until 11ish at night, hello). The younger one saves all the drama for her mama. She’s 180 miles away and usually calls when she’s in a swivet. Which puts me in a swivet. Then she never calls back to say it’s over. Meh! Kids! Oh, yeah, they also raid all my belongs on a regular basis.

    Kids.

    Reply

  6. mom
    Oct 11, 2010 @ 14:46:39

    I’m telling you if you trade him off you will only have two coming home, you can’t get rid of him.

    Damn.

    Reply

  7. morethananelectrician
    Oct 11, 2010 @ 18:27:01

    Do you take 39 year old sons?

    Maybe.

    Reply

  8. trailerparkbarbie
    Oct 11, 2010 @ 20:14:30

    yellowcat…nope, you don’t need a new son. You need an “Ashton Kutcher” boy toy. Demi tweets all the time about how wonderful life is with a much younger man. And, I’m pretty sure that one of the perks would be that you could order him around! Don’t waste any more time feeling your heart break. Go on now…get on over to one of the hook-up sites such as Match.com and find yourself a boy toy to your liking. A BT would be soooo much better than a son. You wouldn’t have to wash his dirty underwear or buy his school clothes. Make it clear that you want someone who likes to take care of their woman by doing little things like…packing her lunch, rubbing her tired feet, cooking for himself and for you…just place your order.

    That’ll teach your son a lesson!

    HAHAHA! I typically date men 14 to 24 years younger than me. It keeps me youthful.

    Reply

  9. bluntdelivery
    Oct 11, 2010 @ 21:56:54

    okay, i know this is heartless and cruel and i’m supposed to empathize with you but….

    MAN, that post was hilarical!

    seriously, i busted my ass laughing… BAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

    okay, sorry. it’s out of my system.

    That ungrateful sumofabitch!

    It’s okay to laugh at my expense. I’m here to entertain.

    Reply

  10. Sparty Girl
    Oct 12, 2010 @ 08:06:12

    Tell him the price for coming home on short notice is to bring his own groceries. Either that or he should just plan to stay with his grandma and grandpa.

    At his age you’re lucky he shows up at all. 🙂 Actually, I take that back. When we were kids that was true. We would go away to school and our parents might see us again at Thanksgiving. Today’s Gen Y kids are a lot more in touch with their parents in that young adult stage.

    I hope your schedules mesh better next time.

    It was just bad timing and short notice. I can still give him hell.

    Reply

  11. Ahmnodt Heare
    Oct 13, 2010 @ 05:32:15

    You sound like my parents when I went away for school. I did manage to spend time with them, but they knew it was only because I needed money. The good old days.

    Reply

  12. Vodka and Ground Beef
    Oct 15, 2010 @ 09:03:17

    There’s a kid in my neighborhood who always rides his bike at strange hours and looks too joyful. I don’t know his age, but what I could do is kidnap him and then find a way to get him to your neck of the woods. If he can bring his bike, he’d probably be pretty content.

    He will need his own transportation. I’m not driving him around.

    Reply

  13. Fuck My Table
    Oct 17, 2010 @ 21:32:52

    Where did you go? No updates for a week??

    I’ve been super busy getting ready for winter and finishing a quilt for a friend. I will be back very soon with all my usual wrath.

    Reply

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