A Barrel of Laughs

We were dead slow tonight.  Wednesdays usually kick my ass, but it was like a ghost town in the restaurant.  The weather took a turn for the worse this week and maybe the winter chill kept people at home.

One of my few tables was a group of 6 people.  I could tell right away that the older lady was a rocket scientist.  When I asked for their drink order she said she just wanted water and maybe some hot tea.  There are no “maybes” here, you either want it or you don’t. 

I seriously hate that shit.  As I was ranting in the waitstation about how much I hate it, Angel said, “Maybe she just likes the word ‘maybe’.”  Yeah, that must be it.

During the drink order, two of the younger people asked for beer and I asked to see their IDs.  The older lady cackled and asked how old I thought the young woman was.  Obviously, I thought she was under 21 or I wouldn’t have asked for her ID.  After I made sure they were both over 21, the old lady cackled again and asked me which one was older.  Uh…since ’84 came before ’87 I guessed the girl was older. 

“No!  Which one looks older?”

Well, fuck me.  The girl looked vain and used to compliments, the young man looked uncomfortable and a little sick.  I knew just how he felt.

In the end, they tipped very well and kept me from walking home from work, unlike my last table which came in at 2 minutes before close, left 55 minutes after close and tipped me $2 on a $35 ticket.  Assholes.

**********

Chetto and I poke fun at Boy Cook Jarrod.  He is such an easy target.

BC Jarrod:  When I was a little fat kid, I found some brown paint chips by our garage.  I thought they were chocolate chips so I ate them.

Me:  That explains a lot.

Chetto:  Yes, it does.

BC Jarrod:  (Blank stare at me.)  (Blank stare at Chetto.) 

15 seconds pass

Chetto:  What are the sides on the beef plate?

Me:  Beans and corn.

BC Jarrod:  That doesn’t explain anything.

Chetto:  Dude, WTF?  We’re done with that conversation.

Me:  (Head in my hands.)

BC Jarrod:  I don’t want people thinking I’m dumber than I actually am.

Chetto:  No worries there.

Me:  (Snicker)

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8 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Sparty Girl
    Oct 28, 2010 @ 13:14:13

    Hahaha!! Poor boy cook.

    He deserves it.

    Reply

  2. izziedarling
    Oct 28, 2010 @ 13:23:47

    Soooo glad your back! But still having fun (outside work),I hope! I HATE that “how old do you think…?” question – you can’t win, no way, no how – glad for the big tip, though!

    My partner in crime went back to NY so there isn’t as much fun. She did leave me with some motivation to get my house organized (we’ll see how long that lasts) and that’s kinda fun…okay, it’s not.

    Reply

  3. TheIdiotSpeaketh
    Oct 28, 2010 @ 22:13:40

    Welcome back dear friend!! GREEEEEAAATTTTT to have you back! Can’t wait to again read of the nightly FREAKSHOW that rolls through your restaurant! 🙂

    Funny thing is, I could stop writing, but there would still be a freakshow.

    Reply

  4. DarcKnyt
    Oct 28, 2010 @ 22:15:39

    Welcome back! Nice to see you again. 🙂

    Nice to see you too! I’m catching up on my reading and you’ve been very busy.

    Reply

  5. DarcKnyt
    Oct 28, 2010 @ 23:24:26

    “I don’t want people thinking I’m dumber than I actually am.”

    ROFLOLOL!! Oh my gosh, it’s got to be hard to resist when they make it so easy!

    I could write a blog just on the stuff he says. He makes me laugh so hard.

    Good to see you again hon, glad you’ve had a nice blog-cation. 🙂

    The blog-cation was nice.

    Reply

  6. Ahmnodt Heare
    Oct 29, 2010 @ 06:58:29

    Next time people ask you who looks younger (or prettier, or more like Red Skelton), Say, I’m sorry, but I suffer from Prosopagnosia. Prosopagnosia is a condition that makes it difficult for people to recognize faces or do things like tell who is older than whom.

    I would just get a dumb look and I get enough of those.

    Reply

  7. Armond
    Jan 27, 2011 @ 09:35:17

    Oh god THIS is what i’m doing on my only day off lol reading this site and laughing about eating paint chips LMAO

    I’m glad I made you laugh.

    Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to leave a comment!

    Reply

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