The Most Annoying Thing the Cooks Do

I want to crush your skull.

The cooks** do many annoying things, such as:

  • Going functionally retarded at random times during a shift.  This includes the sudden inability to read a ticket, forgetting to put all the requested items on the plate, and/or neglecting to call the server for the food.  Don’t get pissy when I roll my eyes at you.  Stupid is as stupid does.
  • Forgetting they are making food for customers  and not servers.  Customers pay our bills.  I see mine directly, the back of the house sees theirs indirectly.  Personally, I don’t give a shit how you cook that steak, however, the people who are helping you pay your rent want it medium rare.  Get it right.  Also, when I ask for a side of rib sauce, I’m not planning on eating it.  The guy who comes in here every week and helps you pay your utilities wants it.  Now.
  • Stealing the dining room mop.  See that filthy, disgusting, smells-like-ass, rat’s nest propped up in the corner?  That’s the kitchen mop.  Keep your hands off the mop that I religiously rinse and bleach so it smells fresh or I will make your insides be your outsides. 
  • Arguing.  I am the customer’s advocate.  Therefore, when I tell you I need something or an order is wrong, don’t stand there and argue with me.  If you need me to explain my request, I will when the dining room isn’t full.  That alone should indicate I don’t have time for your bullshit.

But the most annoying thing the cooks do is vanish as soon as they clear the tickets out of the window.  Every. Single. One. Of. Them.  As soon as they drop the last ticket, they head for the back door like a herd of stampeding cattle.  They do not wait around to see if the customer might need something additional to go with their food.  They do not care if you are approaching the window with a ticket when they start their mad rush for the door.  And Heaven help you if you are the server or cashier who has to go outside and find them.

Servers who are constantly outside and make others hunt for them are the first ones cut when business drops off.  The cooks think it is our duty to leave the dining room, walk through the prep area and the smoker room and search for them either in the parking lot or in someone’s car.  It isn’t a problem when we are slow, but it becomes more than a little irritating when a server has to look for a cook for every single ticket.  It makes me want to punch someone in the throat when I’m running my ass off and I have to go outside in order to get a side of rib sauce.

My job is to serve food and beverages.  My job is NOT to hunt down a cook so he can do what he’s being paid to do. 

**This tirade doesn’t include all the cooks at the restaurant, and the most annoying thing only happens when two certain cooks work together.  Personally, I think they should be separated as if they were in grade school because when they work together, fuck all gets done.


9 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. DarcsFalcon
    Nov 06, 2010 @ 00:51:52

    Goodness! My very first job, I learned that my boss basically owned me for the time I was scheduled to work. I didn’t get to walk out and smoke whenever I wanted or it was slow. Sounds like a couple of cooks need to learn that lesson too. As long as they’re on the clock, they ought to be in the kitchen.

    There is a rule about “party” breaks. There is always supposed to be one server and one cook in the restaurant at all times. One of these cooks is a supervisor so he should know better.


  2. DarcKnyt
    Nov 06, 2010 @ 12:45:29

    Yeesh. All I can say is, things sure have changed since I was in food service all those years ago. Man. My bosses wouldn’t put up with half the BS you guys seem to have flying around. It’s amazing.

    Funny things happen when the two managers are off and only the “supervisor” is in charge. I’m betting things will change after I talk to Darren on Monday.


  3. Kerry
    Nov 06, 2010 @ 17:09:27

    Yeah agree with most points except the last- “Arguing. I am the customer’s advocate.” Yeah you are that, but outa the 30 or so servers I have worked with the only reason for argueing is the server bringing back some kind of bullshit that the customer isn’t advocating.

    This always burned my ass as a cook. Specifically I mean the bullshit like server sends back a ticked with no Apps on it, and tells you to rush the order out. After the order is up the server then throws a hissy about “Where is her gosh darn appetizer when she forgot to ring the mother “F”er in!” Of course “we must have lost the ticket etc”. It’s when the server starts pulling this bullshit that I start argueing over her stupidity.

    If she would just own up and say “Hey I fucked up here any way you can throw me a bone?” Every server I know just thinks if they can throw the blame on us we’ll get it done..well my job is to cook the food properly not to kiss the ass ofd some dim-witted server who thinks all men in life should be doing so. I cannot tell you how any times the server screws up but blames everyone but themselves and then sits there “crying” about why we can’t just “Do our jobs” and pull her food outa our butt that instant.

    Again this is also extremely common when they do such things as send back a steak med well and then recant…ooh that shuolda been med rare after it’s up saying it’s our fault. Hey Bitch if you can’t ring it in correctly I can’t magically change it from well done to rare. So glad I saved my sanity and stopped cooking!

    Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to comment!

    I’ve been both a cook and a server, and trust me, there have been several servers I’ve wanted to punch in the throat. When we hire our summer help, I want to kick most of the new servers because many of them are hired based on looks rather than ability.

    I always own up to my mistakes and I never blame the cooks when I do something wrong. The arguing I’m talking about goes something like this:
    Me: May I have a GT?
    Cook: I gave you one.
    Me: Yes, may I have another?
    Cook: There was one on the plate.
    Me: Yes, I know. May I have another?
    Cook: What happened to that one?
    Me: Just give me a motherfucking piece of garlic toast!

    As far as the customers go, I cure most problems out in the dining room and the cooks never hear about them, but I can’t do much when the customer asked for a mid well steak and it comes out mooing.


  4. Ahmnodt Heare
    Nov 06, 2010 @ 20:32:33

    I have seen servers deal with stupid cooks and cooks deal with stupid servers. There has to be a way to match the stupid with the stupid and those who get it with those who get it.

    That would sorta be like the Dream Team on one night and the Special Olympic team the next. Maybe we could coordinate it so the bad customers got the Special Olympic team.


  5. Fuck My Table
    Nov 06, 2010 @ 21:50:26

    I don’t usually have that problem because the weekend cooks are AWESOME. If I happen to pick up a weekday shift, though, it’s a whole different story. I have to argue and bitch and yell to get anything I want, and I usually have to send it back twice before it ever goes out to the table. Yeesh!

    Hope talking to Darren gets their keisters in gear, because that shit is ridiculous.

    The most annoying thing only happens 2 nights a week. Some of the other things I mentioned are from when we had different cooks. Most of our cooks now are great.

    The threat about the mop is very real.


  6. Trackback: Recommended Reading 11/8 « Tips on improving your Tips
  7. skippymom
    Nov 08, 2010 @ 10:15:57

    My biggest problem was with a cook’s cocaine habit – it got pretty darn scary if he ran out during dinner rush. Well that and he wouldn’t keep his hands off of us. Ick. I still hate him.

    I don’t think it’s cocaine, but it’s something like that. What really gets my panties in a bunch is the “supervisor” insists everyone else work, even if it is the most ridiculous job (such as something that was cleaned earlier in the day), yet he’s the biggest slackass in the restaurant.


  8. Jamie
    Nov 08, 2010 @ 20:34:45

    oh i love your blog because it is so true….I’m pretty sure I know which two cooks you are talking about…z & J….??? lol. Oh I miss it already 🙂 Eff those mother effers….!

    Yep, those are the guilty ones. I talked to Darren about it tonight and he was more than a little annoyed because obviously Z isn’t responsible enough to supervise himself.


  9. Trackback: Recommended Reading 11/8 | Tips For Improving Your Tips

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