Crime & Punishment #2

Crime:  Ordering a tossed salad and making me ask what type of dressing you want.

Why this is a crime:  Making tossed salads is a big enough pain in the ass, but ordering one as if I can read your mind as to what you want on it makes me want to punch you right in the face.  The proper way to order a tossed salad is:  “I would like a tossed salad WITH Ranch” (or Blue Cheese, or 1000 Island, or Italian).  You can even order the salad and ask what type of dressings we have so you know your choices, but saying, “I’ll have a tossed salad” and then sitting there looking like a cow waiting to be milked doesn’t cut it. 

Speak up or this will be on your salad.

Punishment: 

Everybody gets Ranch.  I don’t care if you don’t like it, that’s what you’re getting.

Is this a planned punishment?  Yes.

****************

The most retarded question of the night goes to the woman at Table 18:

Me:  We have French Onion soup tonight and you can add it to any meal for only a dollar.

Woman:  Oooh!  French Onion?  Is that like the onion soup with the onions and cheese?

Me:  (in my head)  God help me.  Really.

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12 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. DarcKnyt
    Nov 10, 2010 @ 01:06:24

    Hm. I’d have to ask for the dressing choices; I always do. I never seem to be able to select all of the choices I have from the menu. Maybe it’s my poor eyesight, maybe it’s having become accustomed to being given the choices upon ordering. “I’ll have a salad.” “What dressing do you want? We have [insert list here].”

    We don’t have the dressings listed on the menu, so I don’t mind listing them if someone asks. Just know that every time your server has to ask you what type of dressing you want, she’s silently seething with rage on the inside.

    Reply

  2. Fuck My Table
    Nov 10, 2010 @ 01:09:10

    That WAS stupid. >_< It makes my brain hurt just thinking of how stupid it is.

    Can you imagine living with her? Her husband was almost as bad.

    Reply

  3. DarcsFalcon
    Nov 10, 2010 @ 02:48:49

    I’d like a tossed salad with Blue Cheese on the side, please. 🙂

    Is the salad bar still $4.99 or have prices gone up?

    They are printing new menus so the price will go up. I’ll keep you posted. 🙂

    No, that’s not like the onion soup with the onions and the cheese, that’s like the French soup made from the bones of Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette. 🙄

    HAHAHAHA! Most of the time I can’t decide if people are being serious or messing with me. I’ve perfected quite a dumb look as I try and figure it out.

    Reply

  4. wigsf
    Nov 10, 2010 @ 05:17:33

    “You don’t win friends with salad.” – Homer Simpson

    I don’t understand why there’s salad at a barbeque place.

    Reply

  5. Heif
    Nov 10, 2010 @ 05:50:53

    Stupid is as stupid does

    Oh…you’re telling me. (forehead slap)

    Reply

  6. thelifeofjamie
    Nov 10, 2010 @ 07:31:54

    I’m curious…are you surprised that people are this stupid?

    Sort of. Just when I think people can’t get any dumber, someone lowers the bar.

    Reply

  7. skippymom
    Nov 10, 2010 @ 08:08:48

    Please tell me that ranch fountains don’t exist. Please. That is the end of time as we know it if someone actually had one of those at their wedding/function.

    Oh, gross. Humanity saddens me.

    I’m sorry, but ranch fountains do exist. I don’t understand why people believe ranch goes with everything. Barf.

    Reply

  8. LS
    Nov 10, 2010 @ 15:23:03

    At some Asian restaurants here in the South (“Ranch dressing is a Mandatory Condiment”), they have “yellow sauce” which is basically ranch.

    http://pungeon.blogspot.com/2007/11/gaijin-condiment-camouflage-ranch.html

    Uck. Ranch doesn NOT go on Chinese food.

    Reply

  9. Ahmnodt Heare
    Nov 10, 2010 @ 20:31:28

    My last day as a server, I had a customer who said she wanted dressing, but wouldn’t specify which kind. I came back with a side of stuffing, which is known in some parts as “dressing.”

    HAHAHA! I couldn’t have done it better myself.

    Reply

  10. Vodka and Ground Beef
    Nov 10, 2010 @ 22:11:42

    You could never hate me, but once I was in restaurant and the server asked if I wanted “Soup or salad.” But it sound like “Would you like a super salad?” And I said yes, because a super salad sounded pretty good. She looked really annoyed with me.

    HAHAHA! That would make me laugh. A super salad is excellent.

    Reply

  11. workingtechmom
    Nov 10, 2010 @ 22:30:08

    oh, i’m sorry to know waitresses are silently seething at me when i expect them to just list the dressings…even if they only give me 2 choices, i like it..and i do like ranch so i’d be ok if you were my waitress

    I get tired of leading people through the entire ordering process. Everyone knows salad comes with a dressing, so ordering it that way makes it much easier on everyone.

    when i waitressed, the thing that pissed me off the most was when I would give hot water for tea right from the burner and they would send it back not being hot enough..i would add a splash of cold water, take it back, and ask if that was better….they always said yes. go figure.

    The water that comes out of our coffee system is hot enough to scald, yet I always wait on this one woman who sends it back because it’s just not hot enough. That shit’s nearly boiling when it comes out of the tap. One day I caught her putting ice in it and after that I don’t waste my time taking it to the microwave. Bitch.

    Reply

  12. breadsticks
    Nov 11, 2010 @ 11:12:10

    I work at Olive Garden and a choice of soup or salad comes with every entree. Our four italian-style soups are listed clearly on our menu under the heading that says SOUPS but people apparently can’t find this.

    “Would you like soup or salad?”
    “What are your soups?”

    “Would you like soup or salad?”
    “What is your soup today?”

    “Would you like soup or salad?”
    “Oooh do you have baked potato soup with bacon bits?”
    “THIS IS AN ITALIAN RESTAURANT AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”

    I can’t even guess how many times I’ve listed off our soups with descriptions because people are dumb.

    We have side dishes and I’m a bitch and tell people where they can find them on the menu. No lie, if I list the sides for one person, I’ll have to do it for each person at the table. Then some asshole will ask, “What was the 3rd one?” It was ‘Go fuck yourself’.

    Reply

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