Crime: Ordering a tossed salad and making me ask what type of dressing you want.
Why this is a crime: Making tossed salads is a big enough pain in the ass, but ordering one as if I can read your mind as to what you want on it makes me want to punch you right in the face. The proper way to order a tossed salad is: “I would like a tossed salad WITH Ranch” (or Blue Cheese, or 1000 Island, or Italian). You can even order the salad and ask what type of dressings we have so you know your choices, but saying, “I’ll have a tossed salad” and then sitting there looking like a cow waiting to be milked doesn’t cut it.
Everybody gets Ranch. I don’t care if you don’t like it, that’s what you’re getting.
Is this a planned punishment? Yes.
The most retarded question of the night goes to the woman at Table 18:
Me: We have French Onion soup tonight and you can add it to any meal for only a dollar.
Woman: Oooh! French Onion? Is that like the onion soup with the onions and cheese?
Me: (in my head) God help me. Really.