Seeing Red

I hoped to get all the way through a shift tonight without wanting to crush someone’s skull, but no.  Stephanie seated my second table of the night and I heard her say, “Glory will be right with you.”  That’s pretty standard, but when I got to the table the guy asked if my name was Glory and I knew there was going to be a problem.

People who feel free to use my first name are always a problem.  I shudder when someone asks my name because I know they are going to yell it every time I pass their table and people who greet me by name feel like we’re best buddies, which means they are going to try and take advantage of me.  It’s a psychological thing…a person has more trouble saying no to a friend than a stranger and these customers use that immediate “friendship” to manipulate and con their way into freebies and/or a shitty tip.  Now, this doesn’t hold true for repeat customers who have learned their server’s name over time. 

So, the guy ordered a burger with fries and “the $4.99 salad bar”, which is a salad bar added to a sandwich.  I asked if the lady had decided and the guy said she was going to have his salad bar.  Fuck me.  Seriously.  If I could burn that damned salad bar to the ground I would.  I hate it and all the trouble it brings.

I said, “I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t do that.  If she has the salad bar, I have to charge $7.99.”

He said, “Fine.  She won’t have anything then.  Just bring me the plate for my $4.99 salad bar.”

WTF?!  Imagine being married to this guy.

As I was attending to my adjoining table I heard the lady tell the man what she wanted from the salad bar.  I pulled Darren out of the kitchen and explained the situation.  He said if she ate the salad, I had to charge $7.99.  Sure enough, she chowed down on the salad while the guy ate his burger, so I adjusted the price.

The best part was when I dropped off the ticket.  The guy called me back to the table, like I was a child and said, “Now Glory, are you really sure you want to do it this way?”

Are you kidding me?!  “Now, Glory…”  I am NOT 12 years old, nor am I in the principal’s office, nor is he the one who gave me a job.  He treated me like I was stupid and beneath him.  I guess he thought I was going to see the error of my ways and change the price if he acted like he was someone in authority.  Fat chance. 

I told him, “My manager said I had to charge according to the owner’s policy.”

Of course he insisted on talking to Darren, who backed me all the way.  The guy tried to bully Darren into changing the policy, saying it was only a $4 difference (he apparently failed math) and he was going to lose a customer over the policy.  If people knew how asinine they sound when they say that shit, they’d shut up.  If it’s ONLY $4, then cough it up and quit your bitching.  If you are going to harass the help and steal from the restaurant, we don’t want you as a customer.

The guy did tip me $3 on a $15 ticket so I can’t complain about that, but I still wanted to crush his skull for being a condescending prick.


15 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. DarcsFalcon
    Jan 05, 2011 @ 00:14:50

    Fine, she won’t have anything then?!!? WTH? Heck, I could hear what was going through his head all the way from here! “I’m sure she’ll believe my lie, and won’t think we’re trying to scam the restaurant, because NO ONE has EVER done THAT before, what a genius I am to think of this! And I save myself $3 to boot! Yeah!”

    Manipulating me is as original as all the jokes I hear at tables. (eyeroll)

    I swear, if people put HALF as much effort into being a nice person as they do into trying to be an a$$, this would be a much better place.

    No lie. It takes far more effort to manipulate and con someone than it does to just pay for what you order. Not to mention he looked like a complete jackass to everyone who was paying at the register. I guess his integrity was worth all of $3.


  2. PurpleGirl
    Jan 05, 2011 @ 01:33:37

    What a fucking dickhead!

    Amen. “Now Holly…”


  3. wigsf
    Jan 05, 2011 @ 04:47:20

    Are people so fucking cheap that they feel the need to eat out but not pay for their fooking food.

    I don’t know if they are cheap or if it’s a game. It really seemed like a mind fuck.


  4. skippymom
    Jan 05, 2011 @ 07:33:51

    I will fork one of my kids if they so much take a cucumber off of my salad bar plate. I don’t share. I get the concept [and evidently am one of the few customers who can read the sign]. I will purchase them one if they want it but don’t touch the “all you can eat” that is for me.

    People have a real tough time with this concept. I would probably shoot myself if I worked a buffet. I’m not a nazi about the salad bar, but holy shit, when I TELL you that you can’t do it and you do it anyway…I should be able to taze people who don’t listen to me.


  5. Fuck My Table
    Jan 05, 2011 @ 07:56:21

    Dude, I fucking HATE that. I’m like, don’t get all buddy-buddy and then try to screw me over. Save it for the car lot at the dealership or a first date…if you can find anyone who can tolerate you, that is. UGH!

    Yeah, I HATE the buddy thing unless they are regular customers.


  6. Onyx
    Jan 05, 2011 @ 07:59:04

    I believe I would have seriously struggled to not punch him in the jugular. What a douche-bag! I don’t get people. At all. You have amazing patience.

    I was prepared for him, but sometimes I stumble into a situation that I’m not prepared for and a table goes apeshit. That’s when I end up crying in the parking lot under my van.


  7. noe noe girl
    Jan 05, 2011 @ 11:03:49


    …in a cheap suit.


  8. Bob
    Jan 05, 2011 @ 11:35:13

    I sometimes use the server’s name because I thought it made it more personal, friendly and polite.

    It makes me cringe. 1 out of 10 people use a server’s name to be polite; the rest use it to be jerks.


    • Fuck My Table
      Jan 05, 2011 @ 14:15:06

      It’s all about how you use it. If you use it sparingly and/or have had them wait on you a couple times before, it’s okay. If you use it every time you address them, or if you use it to be manipulative like this guy did, it’s not okay. I can peg someone who’s using it in the latter manner just by the tone of their voice.

      It doesn’t make me cringe unless I hear that tone. I can’t describe it to you, but it whispers, “I am gonna fuck you, big time!”

      I hear the same thing. 🙂


  9. izziedarling
    Jan 05, 2011 @ 13:07:22

    That damn salad bar causes you more trouble – burn it down already. *iz

    I’m telling you, one of these days…


  10. Ahmnodt Heare
    Jan 05, 2011 @ 13:22:54

    Whatever happened to the “you can’t use the person’s name unless you know the person” rule? It’s a bit different for me as I inspire to be a public official, but I was a waiter, it used to irk me too. At least “Glory” is an easy name to pronounce.

    Yeah, Glory is easy to bellow across the dining room.


  11. Sparty Girl
    Jan 05, 2011 @ 16:57:12

    I’m with Bob, I often use a server’s name in an effort to be polite and respectful. However, I will generally only do this after they introduce themselves by name so I’m sure I’m pronouncing it right. And I would NEVER to the “Now, Glory…” thing. What a jerk.

    HAHAHA! You can picture the look on my face when he said, “Now, Glory…” can’t you?


  12. Anton
    Jan 05, 2011 @ 18:51:45

    UGH. Nothing makes my skin crawl quite like some dude trying be all authoritative to get something he wants out of you like that. Gross.

    Sometimes I wonder if people are experimenting on me…sort of like an alien probe only not as much fun. Who else would do this type of shit?


  13. TheIdiotSpeaketh
    Jan 05, 2011 @ 20:02:47

    Like I say, it never ceases to amaze me some of the lowlifes that drag themselves into your restaurant. That you have continued to hold your cool and not beat the crap out of some of these idiots is just amazing! Hang in there Glory!

    This was a professional looking guy in his 60s. It always throws me when older, professional people behave worse than rednecks. At least I expect that stuff out of rednecks.


  14. workingtechmom
    Jan 12, 2011 @ 17:02:38

    Now Glory. You expect people to pay for food they order and you expect men to be nice to the woman they are eating with? Such high standards. 🙂

    I ask for a lot don’t I? 🙂


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