The Strangest Thing

Tonight I found the strangest thing…or maybe things…under a table.

It all started when Anna went off the floor and Amber and I got a bus of 30 kids, then a bus of 18 kids.  All this just 45 minutes before we closed.  As if that wasn’t bad enough, half the town decided to come in and eat then, too.  Where were you fuckers 2 hours earlier when we were all standing around?

Your time is up!

Here’s a hint:  When your server is trying to take your order and you can see a wave of people being seated all around you, stop joking about how busy your server is getting and fucking order!  When my section fills up in 5 minutes or less my eyes start rolling up in my head and I feel like a panicked racehorse getting ready to tear shit up and bolt.  So really, stop messing around before I crush your skull and run out the back door.

By the time I took orders for 4 team tables of 6 people each and 1 parent/screaming, food throwing, salt shaker breaking kid table of 9 people I was at the end of my patience.  I still had 3 more tables of 6 people waiting impatiently for me, so when I went to the coachs’ table and one of them said, “Finally.  I didn’t think you were ever going to get here,” I sorta lost it. 

“Have you looked around?” I snarled.

“We’re the coaches.  We should order first.”

“Uh…no.  If you order first, you finish first, then you expect all the kids to be finished too.  If they aren’t, you make me get go boxes for them and it creates chaos and disorder for me.  Coaches order last.”  Well, that pissed him off, but I didn’t care.

We got the last of the food out 25 minutes after close and even with pre-busing, the restaurant looked as if a bomb exploded.  I’ve never seen such a pig sty mess in all my life.  The kids weren’t too bad, but the family of 9 let their toddlers destroy their tables.  I swept more trash from under the two tables than I did in my entire section.  I don’t know how people can be such hogs.

Then the broom got stuck on something under one of the team tables.  I looked and found a pair of socks.  High school boy socks.  WTF?!  Who takes their socks off and leaves them in a restaurant?  I’ve found women’s panties in the restroom trash and I can understand that because if my underwear are pissing me off I take a pair of scissors in the restroom and cut them off.  Hell no, I’m not getting undressed to get rid of a pair of jackass underwear.  

Finding socks under a table was so shocking that I mentioned it to my son.  He said the kid probably jerked off in them, so he had to leave them behind.  That made me think I should probably never touch my son’s socks ever again.



13 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Ahmnodt Heare
    Jan 08, 2011 @ 07:37:59

    Adults always ordered last. They’re supposed to have more patience than kids.

    Sometimes I wonder why my parents taught me to act like a gentleman in public when so many other parents haven’t done it.

    What kills me is usually people my age and older are the worst offenders. I expect it out of kids, but adults should know better.


  2. Sparty Girl
    Jan 08, 2011 @ 08:15:50

    OMG. I’m laughing so hard I don’t even know where to start.

    The socks: eeewww….. You shouldn’t have asked, you really didn’t want to know that.

    There are lots of things I don’t ask my kids just for my own mental health.

    The coaches-order-last thing is very good strategy.

    What I want to know is, how to bus loads of teams like that tip? When I was in high school, we always always stopped at McD’s or BK, never a sit-down place. Was there enough of a decent tip to help compensate for the insanity?

    If the school is paying, the tip is 15-18% so we love school vouchers. If the kids are paying, the tip is around 0-5%. My tables were half and half so I netted 12%, but I left with a whole lot more than the $30 I was expecting before they came in. It was a good night.


  3. wigsf
    Jan 08, 2011 @ 08:23:45

    It was probably one kid jerking off in another kid’s socks.

    Oh, to be a teenager again.

    They spit in each other’s drinks, so anything is possible.


  4. izziedarling
    Jan 08, 2011 @ 08:52:16

    It is getting weirder and weirder there … I think you should wear a space suit.

    I never stop being stunned by what goes on in a public place.


  5. TheIdiotSpeaketh
    Jan 08, 2011 @ 13:49:55

    LMAO! Boy! That kid really did have a long wait for his food huh? 🙂

    I guess so. I’m just glad he kept the rest of his clothes on.


  6. Katie
    Jan 08, 2011 @ 22:39:41

    Ew. Tell your son thanks for THAT mental image.

    I did. He said, “No problem.” He’s a goof.


  7. Cindy
    Jan 09, 2011 @ 23:52:09

    Weirdest thing I ever swept out from under a table was a rubber snake. Good thing I’m not scared of snakes cause the way it came out of there was very life like. Impressed the truck driver who was watching me sweep that I didn’t scream. lol

    I’m not scared of snakes, but I still would have screamed and danced around. You’re braver than I am.


  8. DarcsFalcon
    Jan 10, 2011 @ 00:46:21

    Oh my gosh, that’s so nasty! LOLOL Yeah, it makes you wonder how your son knows about this sort of thing, right?

    Don’t ask, don’t tell applies to more than just the military. 🙂

    I can’t imagine why a kid would take off his socks in a restaurant in the middle of January in WY! That’s just insane.

    It’s been sub-zero for days. Kids are crazy.

    Sorry you had such a bad night – I hope they tipped well at least!

    Eh…overall it was a good night.


  9. Brea
    Jan 10, 2011 @ 09:27:31

    “Coaches order last” I like that. It drives me nuts when the adults think they should order first, just because “they’re more important”. feh, whatever. Even when I was a kid, at the family Thanksgiving dinners, the parents got the kids settled with their food first, THEN went through and got their own – keeps down the whining.

    Just makes sense.

    The sock thing? If that boy was anything like mine, he just took them off because they were sweaty/slimy/stinky from the game, and he didn’t want to be bothered walking in them anymore. (I’m avoiding the whole “other” explanation – I don’t want to know)

    I’m going with your explanation…my son’s a creep. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, though.


  10. skippymom
    Jan 10, 2011 @ 17:47:59

    If they could’ve handle the little heathens then they would’ve been allowed to order first, but since they [obviously] weren’t eff ’em. I have no use for coaches, parents, caretakers that can’t control a hoard.

    Our kids were/are in band [marching and school] and their director OWNS them. I don’t mind because he makes sure the little brats that weren’t raised right and would take down the ones that were [by…I don’t know, jerking off in restaurant] don’t take the other kids out with their antics.

    My kids have shamed more than one of their friends in ordering fast, not running the server and tipping well. They know better. They have seen Momma do it.

    Why are band kids so well behaved? I LOVE band kids!

    Most of the kids/coaches we see are well mannered, but there are a few (coaches) I’ve had a running battle with for years. You would think they would figure it out and stop screwing with me.


  11. skippymom
    Jan 10, 2011 @ 17:49:05

    *By “do it” I mean waitress. 🙂

    I thought you meant order fast, don’t run the server to death and tip well, but since you mentioned it…:)


  12. zmanowner
    Jan 11, 2011 @ 15:08:31

    I am almost speechless……you found a happy sock, a pair of drawers. I cant even fathom dealing with folks like must mother teresa cause i would have ran these folks off….and the coaches being like that..should have kicked all them out..hope they left a generous tip…zman sends

    I’m nearly speechless most days. Some days I stand around with my mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. The General Public never stops amazing me. I can’t be Mother Teresa with the stuff that comes out of my mouth. 🙂


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