The People Inside Me

I have 3 very different personalities.  It’s not like a split personality disorder, but then again, you be the judge.

Helena–That’s me in my basic form.  Helena is depressed, introverted, cynical, and pessimistic.  She plods through life, likes stability, fears most things, is not a risk taker, avoids issues, watches events from the fringe, and is happiest alone or in the company of animals.  She goes to work, comes home, and occupies her free time with hobbies or chores which can’t be put off any longer.  Medication has helped Helena put a smile on her face and given her the ability to interact with others without having an anxiety attack and running away.  Helena hates people.  She especially hates being looked at or touched. 

Lily–She is generous, kind and soft hearted.  Lily hears voices.  One time Lily heard a voice tell her to take her last $25 into the daycare when she picked up her kids.  One of the new workers was standing by the door, crying because the paychecks didn’t come in and she had no food for her kids for the weekend.  Without thought, Lily gave the woman, a total stranger, the money.  Helena wouldn’t have done that.  

Another time, Lily heard a voice tell her to buy a pair of leather gloves for the woman Helena buys firewood from.  Lily left the gloves in the woman’s truck and a few weeks later the woman had an accident with the log splitter.  The only thing that saved her fingers was the leather glove. 

Lily does many kind things that Helena doesn’t approve of because many of the kindnesses are bestowed on people who don’t deserve them.  Lily doesn’t care.

Glory–Glory is trouble.  Back when my mother recited, “There was a little girl, who had a little curl right in the middle of her forehead.  When she was good she was very, very good and when she was bad SHE WAS HORRID!” it was Glory who answered, “That doesn’t rhyme.”  

Glory is the one who wreaks havoc on people, causes shit storms, tells dirty jokes, gets drunk, and hits on strange men.  Glory makes bad decisions and can’t be trusted.  She’s smart, funny, and vivacious.  She wears bright colours and smirks like she knows something you don’t.  She plays with people like a Siamese plays with other cats–claws out and not nice at all.  Glory forces Helena to go to confession a lot.

Glory’s new motto is, “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.”  Lately, she’s learned about manipulation.  She used to be an in your face sorta gal, but now she watches and waits because revenge really is a dish best served cold.

My personalities don’t play well together.  People get all Helena or all Glory.  They might get Glory with a side of Helena or Helena with a side of Glory.  Lily is always alone.  Her sweet nature can’t deal with sad sack Helena or trouble making Glory.

Interestingly, Helena gets the most complaints at the restaurant.

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15 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. DarcKnyt
    Feb 19, 2011 @ 15:20:27

    Ah, people are just jealous because the voices speak only to US.

    Reply

  2. wigsf
    Feb 19, 2011 @ 15:21:16

    And do these three women share beds? Hmm…

    Yep. I knew I should have put a disclaimer on this post for you to keep your mind out of the gutter. 🙂

    Reply

  3. thelifeofjamie
    Feb 19, 2011 @ 17:58:39

    Glory sounds like fun!

    Glory is fun when she’s tempered with some Holly. Full Glory loses friends and sometimes gets the cops called on her.

    Reply

  4. Pyewacketcat
    Feb 19, 2011 @ 18:02:29

    Dear God, they all live here too… LOL
    I like Holly the best though….
    My boss hates her.

    My former boss hated Holly too. He told me that the only time I ever got complaints was when “someone else showed up for work in your shoes.” At the restaurant, I’m usually Glory with a touch of Holly (funny, yet reserved). Holly is submissive and afraid, and people eat her alive.

    Reply

  5. MICHELE NYC
    Feb 19, 2011 @ 19:10:07

    hmmmm… very interesting. i don’t know how many people exist witin me. sounds like a project i might get to one day. i believe eveyone has a few. mostly demons, i bet. as for you, my dear, i love and apppreciate them all!

    You’ve only seen Full Glory one time…the night I played games with Tiffany and broke Lee’s vaaase.

    Reply

  6. Catherine
    Feb 19, 2011 @ 22:46:51

    What a great post. I am all Helena and wish I had a dash of Glory to liven me up!

    Thank you! We all need a little Glory.

    Reply

  7. Bohemian Server
    Feb 20, 2011 @ 08:12:22

    Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap! (No, I don’t have the clap.)

    Don’t lie. 😛

    Your best yet! Standing ovation!

    Though I bite into, chew slowly and relish the flavor of every morsel you write with regards to customers and co-workers, this is almost ephemeral.

    Why, thank you.

    Reply

  8. zmanowner
    Feb 20, 2011 @ 11:30:31

    They all sound like great people in their own right. Who shows up when some old people that dont know any better show up in the restaurant..but you know they will leave a tip..I like the one that tells is like it is but is not ready to spit in their coffee…dating must be a bitch..who shows up then….i await your answer..zman sends

    I’m usually Glory with a touch of Helena when I’m working. Annoying people see more Glory. Dating…If Glory shows up for a date, there aren’t many second ones. She’s something of a man-eating bitch. Helena won’t go out on dates. Best case is Lily goes out on the date and eventually he meets Glory/Helena before he meets Full Glory.

    Reply

  9. Anton
    Feb 20, 2011 @ 17:11:42

    I really like this post.

    Thank you!

    Reply

  10. Fuck My Table
    Feb 20, 2011 @ 17:53:18

    Damn, I wish I had a Glory of my own. I’m all Lily with a side of FMT and no Glory. 😦

    Everybody needs some Glory. I’ll bet she’s in there.

    Reply

  11. DarcsFalcon
    Feb 21, 2011 @ 01:39:51

    At least none of them are named Sybil! 😉

    HAHAHAHA!

    Reply

  12. paulac7
    Feb 21, 2011 @ 07:22:45

    OMG!! I thought I was the only one!! I know I have at least 2, but they are simplified to ‘Good Paula’ who will smile at you and be a generally nice person; and ‘Evil Paula’ who will seriously consider sticking someones head in the fryer.

    For the longest time I thought there was just Good Helena and Bad Helena. In the last year I realized there was one more and I gave them all names. Look around, you might have more, too.

    Damn, I *wish* the servers at my place of employment were half as competent as you seem to be, and maybe ‘Good Paula’ would come out to play more often.

    I work in a college town, so most of the servers are PIA college kids with overblown senses of entitlement, and absolutely NO work ethic….

    I’ve been a cook and, trust me, I hated servers with every fiber of my being when I was one.

    Love your blog (even though I’m a back-of-house person)

    BOH people are welcome!

    Reply

  13. Zombieman
    Feb 21, 2011 @ 15:04:12

    Loved this breakdown your personality. I’d say my ‘Glory’ only comes out about 10% of the time these days and I am working on my Lily/Helena ratio…

    Glad you liked it!

    Reply

  14. Blunt Delivery
    Feb 21, 2011 @ 20:46:25

    bahahahahha.

    love it.

    but yea, tuck those enemies in your back pocket and don’t let em outta your sight

    I used to run my enemies off, but I’m learning it pays to keep them close and know what they’re doing.

    Reply

  15. Hira Animfefte
    Mar 10, 2011 @ 09:31:23

    I love all of your personalities! You rock–all of you! 🙂

    I think my own personal Glory-est moment was when me and my roommates were leaving our dorm in Russia because the roommate in the other suite was such a bitch…and I poured sugar between the cracks in the roach-infested kitchenette area. (Seriously. The roaches were SO bad already, they had made it into the mini-fridge.) Oh my. How passive-aggressive of me.

    HAHAHAHA! Roaches oog me out. I can only imagine how bad it got after a good sugar baiting.

    Reply

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