I Can See the Light…

Things have been pretty quiet around the restaurant for the last few days.  No one is walking on eggshells, but two of us are a little more than resentful, so coworkers are avoiding us.

Even the customers are subdued, and there isn’t much to write about except for two things:

  1. A woman and her adult son came in right before closing, and she didn’t want to eat anything fried.  I told her all of our meat (beef, chicken, pork and sausage) were not fried.  She didn’t eat meat.  I mentioned the HUGE salad bar, but told her, since it was closing time, she would have to load up before they tore it down.  She didn’t like lettuce and salads.  Well, fuck me then.  She asked if the blackened catfish was fried.  Oh, hell no.  The catfish takes 25 minutes to cook and you’re not ordering that at 2 minutes before 8pm.  I told her it was fried as well.  So, she ordered the fish & chips (fried & fried), onion rings (fried) and Cole Slaw.  Did I mention she was a complete smartass?  Oh, yes she was.  Her son tipped 20%, so I didn’t really care, but holy shit dude, muzzle your mom.
  2. Out of 30 kids on a bus I got the table which contained idiot boys and a bitchy girl.  Thirty seconds after I handed out the drinks, two boys started goofing off and spilled a drink.  I wanted to yell, “FOR FUCK SAKE!  HOW OLD ARE YOU?!”  These were high school kids, not elementary students.  Instead, I pulled the towel off my belt and handed it to them.  The bitchy girl huffed, “Aren’t YOU going to clean it up?”  “Nope.”  I’m your server not your fucking maid.  Typically, when kids spill/spit in/tamper with drinks, they don’t get another.  Go whine to your coach, and explain what you were doing to get punished.  This time I brought another drink and gave them all the stink eye.  In the middle of bringing the food out the bitchy girl demanded I take some dirty napkins off the table.  I wash my hands before I handle people’s food, so I don’t like to grab gross stuff off a table in the middle of a food run, but since her food was all that was left to bring out, I happily took the dirty napkins off the table, and didn’t bother to stop and wash my hands.  Enjoy the germs on your plate, you little snatch.

It’s Friday…only 2 more nights in my 14 day work week.  The SW will be in tonight and we’ve developed a routine where she annoys the living fuck out of me when we’re busy, then when we slow down she tells me all her problems.  Stick a fork in me.

Pick one.


PS:  The SW is on a quest to promote the restaurant online.  It is only a matter of time before she stumbles upon this blog.  That would be a bad thing.  I’m going to cover my tracks like a cat covering shit by removing all mention of my location from my past posts and tags.  This may cause my old posts to show up again in your reader, and for that I apologize, but I don’t want to get canned for my written bad attitude; I would rather get canned for my in-person bad attitude.

Since I suck at making things up, I’ll hand out a prize to the person who comes up with the best name for a fictional city and state.  Leave suggestions in the comments and I’ll put it to a vote.  I live in a fictional democracy.



20 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. skippymom
    Mar 25, 2011 @ 12:36:03

    NoSuchPlace, Iowa – because, really, who lives in Iowa?

    According to Jamie (The Life of Jamie), only crazy people live in Iowa. It’s a contender.

    Good luck for the next two days. I hope like heck you get a few days off to unwind and relax.

    I get Sunday off on the posted schedule. That’s if no one quits between now and then.

    Take care.

    I would like to comment on your blog, but it won’t let me. I’ve been going to tell you for the longest time, but I keep forgetting. Can you add the username/url option?


  2. Zombieman
    Mar 25, 2011 @ 13:19:27

    Aw! I live in Iowa. I’ve been trying to escape for years, but once you are here you’ve got the taint and no other state wants you. I did have an offer to immigrate to Nicaragua once, until their officials did some digging and found out I was from that Iowa. I need to make a bumper sticker: “Iowa: So bad you can’t even move to Nicaragua”

    Snork! I’ve never been there, sadly I might fit right in.

    Hm, I think I am making a case for the “crazy people” argument.

    Anyway, I’m putting up Fairview, North Dakota for consideration. The climate will be similar (for when you have any sort of foul weather and write about it) and the place actually exists if anyone bothers to look for it. Although from what I can see via Google Maps it appears to be a field.

    That’s an apt description of where I’m at.


  3. Anton
    Mar 25, 2011 @ 13:26:42

    I sort of want you to call it Deadwood South Dakota haha. Only because I can picture you and Al Swearengen cleaning house in the restaurant.

    I FREAKING LOVE that show. Al is my kinda guy.


  4. paulac7
    Mar 25, 2011 @ 15:46:24

    How about Intercourse, PA (actually it really *is* a town here in PA).

    HAHAHA! We get a lot of people from PA and they say WY is just like home…which sorta makes me cringe.

    Too funny about covering your tracks like a cat, and shit–I should just loan you one of my dogs–they try to use the litter box as an ‘all you can eat’ buffet whenever they get the chance–sorry, TMI–I know!

    What is it with dogs and cat shit? I don’t keep a litter box because I can’t keep mine out of it and then one of them has to lick me. Ugh.

    Enjoy your days off–sounds like you really need them!!

    It’s only one day off, but at least it’s a little break.



  5. DarcKnyt
    Mar 25, 2011 @ 17:33:40

    What fun! 14 day work week, WOO! You go girl.

    Shoot me.


  6. savingmalachi
    Mar 26, 2011 @ 15:23:19

    Herribalsack, Canada.? I mean, it sounds Canadian but you say it out loud you’re like WTF?!

    And you mention snow so it has to be up there.

    Holy hell. That made me choke.


  7. wigsf
    Mar 27, 2011 @ 06:01:32

    How about the Stinky Britches Saloon in Cattle Apple, East Dakota?

    I think I’m going to combine some choices for the vote. I love the Shit Yer Pants BBQ in Harribalsak, East Dakota…unless someone can come up with a better name for the restaurant. If no one else likes it my fictional democracy will turn into factual dictatorship.


  8. SpartyGirl
    Mar 27, 2011 @ 12:53:20

    I hope you’re enjoying your day off!

    I’m cleaning trash out of my house…bags and bags of trash and junk. I wish I could say I was sitting on my ass.

    I thought of suggesting you’re in Fargo, but I like Harribalsak better.

    I LOVE Harribalsak!

    Happy post-scrubbing.

    It’s time consuming 😦


  9. DarcsFalcon
    Mar 27, 2011 @ 21:03:08

    Doesn’t like fried foods so she orders a ton of it? Yikes! At least you got a decent tip out of it.

    I never let the server clean up a spill if I or my kids caused it. The guilt makes me feel like I’ve made a mess in my host’s place so it’s my responsibility to clean it up. I’d always just ask for a towel. Fortunately, kids are bigger now and we don’t eat out much, so that kind of thing is pretty rare. 🙂

    I was in Arby’s the other day and I noticed a clan of rednecks. One of the kids dropped their soda and the whole group cleared out leaving the soda cup on the floor. Who does that shit?


    Mar 28, 2011 @ 17:04:34

    how about”COXSUCKIE,IDAHO”? P.S.(re: billly)

    HAHAHA! I didn’t think about I-da-ho.

    Fucking Billy. I haven’t seen him in a while, maybe he left again. I’m counting the days til you get here!


  11. watergirl
    Mar 30, 2011 @ 00:34:02

    Some excellent possibilities, particularly if you do a mix-and-match.

    My personal entry is: Cowpatty Ristorante in Fugue, Atlantis.

    If you do go with the “Shit Yer..” option, I love “Shit Yer Britches” over “Shit Yer Pants”. It rings more true, for some reason. 😉

    You’re too nice. As it’s your site, factual dictatorship is completely acceptable! 🙂

    Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to comment! I like your suggestions and they will go in with the vote. I have to do it soon before the SW finds me. o_O


  12. Liz
    Mar 30, 2011 @ 06:24:37

    Here in NM we have a real town called Pie Town. Why not call your’s Fry Town?

    Pie Town? Hahahaha! I should do a search on actual funny town names cuz fact is always stranger than fiction.

    Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to comment!


  13. watergirl
    Mar 30, 2011 @ 15:47:19

    You could always go with Waikikamukau. It is pronounced, I kid you not, Why kick a moo cow. I’ve a couple friends in New Zealand who introduced me to the word. It’s used to refer to the same type of area that we use BFE for. 🙂

    BFE? I love Waikikamukau, but I’m afraid I won’t be able to type it if I do a drunken post. 🙂


  14. DarcsFalcon
    Mar 31, 2011 @ 19:26:15

    You know about Alabama hot pockets but you don’t know BFE? LOL You goof! B*tt-F*ck-Egypt.

    HAHAHAHA! I wasn’t thinking of that. I feel dumb now.


  15. hira1animfefte
    Apr 01, 2011 @ 00:16:43

    I immediately thought of the name “Grody.” It is way too obvious, of course. But it does rhyme.

    Put me in as another vote for Harribalsack.

    Oh, I just thought of another contender: the real-life town of Hell, North Dakota. (It might be in South Dakota, but I’m pretty sure it’s North Dakota.) It might even be near a national park.

    I’ll do some Google Maps scouting for a town with a suitably insulting name near a national park with the requisite weather. (And don’t forget, you can always password protect some of your old posts.)

    I forgot about the National Park aspect of where I live. I will need to take that into consideration since it’s opening soon.


  16. hira1animfefte
    Apr 01, 2011 @ 00:19:37

    And then there’s the old standby of Podunk, Iowa…(Does it even exist?)

    You can always turn your national park into [National Park]. Just like I worked for [National Bookstore Chain] which just filed for Chapter 11…oops, guess I gave away my secret…


  17. watergirl
    Apr 01, 2011 @ 20:32:10

    * * * * * NSFW * * * * *
    For the fun of it – http://www.oddee.com/item_96555.aspx.

    Signs for various cities that are a bit..um..odd. 🙂


  18. hira1animfefte
    Apr 02, 2011 @ 09:55:19

    Don’t forget, you can also fictionalize the names of staff. The SW is a good start. Considering you’ve already called yourself Glory and that other name from Buffy which I forget, you could just raid the entire Buffy cast list. 🙂 Ooh. Who’s gonna be Spike and Angel?

    HAHAHA! Glory did come from Buffy. The character was perfect for my less sane side. The other names aren’t from Buffy.

    Uh…there isn’t anyone who could be Spike or Angel. The Man Candy comes close since he likes to wear skin tight black shirts. Oh my.


  19. watergirl
    Apr 03, 2011 @ 21:28:52

    If you have a manager/supervisor who is particularly pleasant, gets the job done without f’king up peoples’ lives – s/he could be Angel.

    I suppose Darren would fit the bill, but we have a cashier named Angel (who could be known as Fred) so that would be a little confusing.

    As for Spike – that should be reserved for the most pita (pain in the arse), snarky sucker there.

    But it would have to be someone who was also bad boy sexy.

    If you have someone supremely superficial and whatnot, there’s your Cordelia.

    Hahaha! Jamie who used to work at the restaurant looked a lot like Cordelia and sorta acted like her too.

    Fake, bitchy and in it for herself? Harmony.

    I’m sure we will hire a Harmony for the summer. I hate Harmony.

    You’ll still have Willow, Oz, Giles, Xander, Drusilla, Darla, Joyce, Dawn (who I maintain was a wasted timeline), Anya, Faith, Mayor Wilkins, Riley, and Tara to “breathe life” in. The list goes on.

    But see, I love these people. There are few people I work with who are as cool as the Buffy people.

    Add the cast of Angel and you get access to: Crazier than a bunch of crack-driven monkeys? Holtz. The sweet guy? Doyle. The tough guy? Gunn. Weenie? Wesley. Smart, pretty AND nice?. Fred. Will tell anyone any secret? Merle. Has no real purpose other than to look good and provide eye candy? Groosalugg. Still leaves you with Lorne, Illyria, Lindsey, Holland Manners, Lilah, Eve, Marcus, Sahjhan, and Jasmine.

    There are so many great characters here too, but I don’t see any of them in the people I work with. I’ll have to look closer.

    You could really have a lot of fun with this. 🙂



  20. Hira Animfefte
    Apr 18, 2011 @ 11:36:13

    Well, Cracked was your friend and mine. Apparently there is a town called Boner Knob, Montana…and another town called Virgin, Utah. They are mentioned (and linked to) in the article below (which is also pretty funny):


    If Boner Knob, Montana is anywhere near a national park, I think it would be the PERFECT name for Your-Now-Anonymous-Town. 😉

    I love Cracked. It “cracks” me up, but it’s so overwhelming…4 new posts every day…whew. Boner Knob made me choke on my coffee. I might have to work at The Harribalsac in Boner Knob, East Dakota. The more I think about it, the more Harribalsac fits the restaurant rather than the town.

    [btw–good news–I got a summer internship! I’ve been too busy to blog.]

    I saw that on FB. YAY! for you!


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