Next Time, Get it all to Go

The wind has been utterly insane this last week.  On my way to work on Friday, I came over a hill to see a semi-truck toppled over in the ditch.  People were running across the highway to help the driver, so it must have been a very recent accident.  All I could say was, “Welcome to Harribalsac, Fucker.”

My last table last night consisted of two women who happily waltzed into the restaurant 15 minutes before close.  Great.  I love that shit, especially when the restaurant is empty.  They took 10 minutes to decide what they wanted to order, then the older woman changed her entire order as I was leaving the table.  They ordered an appetizer and one woman ordered a tossed salad as one of her side dishes.

I hung the ticket and went to make the tossed salad.  Cora had just torn the salad corner down, so I had to dig all the ingredients out of the cooler, unwrap everything, make the salad, wrap everything up, and put all the stuff back in the cooler.  Yeah, the bitching and cussing slowed me down.  I took the salad out to the table and the older woman, who changed her order once already, asked if she could cancel the Cole slaw and have a salad instead.  I thought my head was going to explode.

I delivered all their food and continued to clean while watching them s.l.o.w.l.y. eat.  I cleaned the buser station.  I cleaned the men’s room.  I swept all of my section except the table they were sitting at.  I mopped the outer edges of my section.  I stocked the ladies’ room with toilet paper and emptied the trashes.  I mopped all of my section except under their table.  I noticed the younger woman was texting on her phone, so I picked up her dishes from the table and gave her the ticket.  I went pee.  I talked to Dani in the waitstation for a couple of minutes.  I cleaned one toilet in the ladies’ room.  Cora came in and I talked to her for a couple of minutes.  I cleaned the other toilet.  I waited.  Certainly, they have to be gone.  I cleaned the mirror.  I cleaned the countertop.  I cleaned the sink.  I pulled the trash bag out of the trash can and FUCK ME if the older woman didn’t come in the restroom to wash her fucking hands.

I had to lock myself in a stall to keep from ringing her neck.  Once she left, I opened the stall to see water all over the mirror, soap and water on the counter and rib sauce in the sink.  I wanted to punch her in the throat.  I re-cleaned everything and left the restroom.  They were STILL at the table, haggling over how much they should leave me.  By then I just wanted them out of the restaurant.  I was beyond pissed off at their happily oblivious inconsiderate assholery.  They decided 9% was a good tip and made their way to the register, where the older woman noticed the sign with our pies.  Fuck me if she didn’t decide she wanted a piece of pie to go.

If there were ever two women I wanted to follow to the parking lot and slash their tires, these two were it.  I mean, holy shit, batman.


9 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. skippymom
    Apr 05, 2011 @ 16:50:35

    Think of the bright side – you cleaned one bathroom and served them afterwards. Although I know you wore gloves and washed your hands, still..they did get that little “treat” – I don’t know how you held it in, that is just ridiculous.

    Sadly, I served them before I started cleaning the men’s room.

    When she asked to change the salad I would’ve said – “Sorry, that was the last of the ingredients for the night. We won’t get a delivery of lettuce/whatnot until the morning.” or what I really wanted to say “Sorry it is now after close and everything in that area is put away so I am unable to access it.” [I was a salad girl at one time and, I kid you not, they locked the fridge that the salads and desserts were in at closing.]

    Whenever I tell people that kind of stuff (sorry, we’re out of ice cream) a server walks by with the requested item and I feel like an asshole. It never fails.

    I would’ve eaten the tip just to get my point across at that point.

    I didn’t care if they tipped or not as long as they left. Immediately.

    Sorry – I hope they never grace your door again.

    They were from Utah, so I doubt I’ll see them again.


    • skippymom
      Apr 06, 2011 @ 22:58:35

      Sorry, I misread you. OOps! I thought you went to clean the men’s room while serving them [to get the work done] and I also thought they were the last table of the night and of no danger of anyone walking by with the aforementioned “salad.” I would never say that either if I thought a co worker might walk out with something, but if they were the last ones… could work. heehee

      They were the last ones, but…you never know. Every time I lie I get busted.


  2. Rachel
    Apr 05, 2011 @ 17:08:41

    Skippymom has it–some people are just crying out to be lied to. I’ve taken to lying on the phone when people call to see if we are still open less than 30 minutes before we close. It will probably get me suspended or fired one day, but until then, it has saved a lot of peopple in the restaurant a lot of misery.

    Ass: Are you guys still serving food? ‘Cause the restaurant site says it closes at midnight and it’s 11:49.

    Me: Oh, no. Last call was fifty minutes ago (we don’t even have a last call and we close at midnight. hats off to the assholes I work for). We’re still open for ToGo, though. We offer Curbside service!

    And if he shows up a minute after midnight, I will close the fucking check, tell my manager he must’ve been a no-show, and take the food home with me.

    HAHAHAHA! I wish I could do that, but every dollar counts, you know. *eyeroll*


  3. AnEducated Server
    Apr 05, 2011 @ 19:08:19

    Women suck. And as a woman, I have no problem making that comment. The truth hurts sometimes. 🙂

    Some women do suck. Those two certainly do.


  4. DarcKnyt
    Apr 05, 2011 @ 19:17:56

    And just think — it’s coming into the busy season soon for you! More of just these types of people, but from OUT of state! Boo-yah!

    These two were from out of state. I hope this isn’t how the entire summer is going to go. 😦


  5. DarcsFalcon
    Apr 05, 2011 @ 23:46:29

    You know, I think there needs to be a policy change. For all orders served after closing, there will be a 100% gratuity automatically added to the ticket price.

    Talk with the SW, see what she thinks. 😉

    Everyone loses money on late night diners. I think we should have go orders only 15 minutes before close. I stayed an extra hour for a $3 tip. Dani didn’t get a tip. The restaurant didn’t make any more money than I did after wages and food costs. It’s ridiculous.


  6. C.J
    Apr 06, 2011 @ 13:19:56

    Ugh! Why is there not a 30 minutes before closing policy? In one of my favourite restaurants, if you turn up with less than half an hour to go before closing, they won’t take your order. I think that’s fair enough because then the staff get to leave on time.

    I know many restaurants like this, but we have to make each and every person happy as shit, which is why they bitch endlessly.

    p.s Thank you for putting my blog in the “Funny people” sidebar bit, but I just noticed you’ve spelt it “Verbal Aubse” instead of “Verbal Abuse”. No biggie, just thought I’d let you know 🙂

    All the letters are there so quitcherbitchin’. HAHA! I’m a dumbass. What can I say. 🙂


  7. wigsf
    Apr 11, 2011 @ 17:45:37

    What kind of person defiles a clean washroom. If it’s already a mess, what’s one more soap splotch, but a clean one?

    People who can go fuck themselves, that’s who.


  8. Hira Animfefte
    Apr 25, 2011 @ 10:48:46

    I see you have chosen your town pseudonym! 🙂

    (You’re still linked to that National Park, though….just saying…)

    I think I’m going for working at the Harribalsac in Boner Knob, East Dakota. I haven’t changed it on my About page…I’m so far behind… 😦


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