You’re Gonna Be Sorry…

…that you didn’t heed my request for underwear donations for DoucheBob.  I asked and got a few half hearted promises to send some britches to cover his ass crack. 

When I checked my mail today all that was in the box was a Netflix movie and a handful of bills I have no intention of paying.

Commercials of crying, fly encrusted kids seem to generate donations, so apparently I need a visual to convince you all of my need.  I tried to shield you, Dear Readers, but you didn’t believe me.

You’re gonna be sorry it came to this. 

 

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15 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Fuck My Table
    Apr 07, 2011 @ 19:25:58

    HAHAHA!!! Oh my god, I thought you were kidding last time. I just gave a bunch of my hubby’s clothes to Goodwill and threw out his old underwear…DARN!!

    I’ll scrounge around to see if I can find anything…that is just too good!

    Doesn’t he look like he’s getting ready to take one up the ass?! I nearly shrieked out loud when I walked in and saw that…then I had to dig my phone out of my purse and take a picture. HAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Reply

  2. Ahmnodt Heare
    Apr 07, 2011 @ 19:27:36

    I have no spare underwear. (Hey, that rhymed!)

    You’re a poet and didn’t even know it. 🙂

    Reply

  3. DarcsFalcon
    Apr 07, 2011 @ 20:47:02

    Oooh baby! Gimme somma dat!

    Okay. I can only do that for so long before the nausea kicks in.

    You do realize, don’t you, that if you got him some britches he’d only let those hang low too, right? Clearly he’s trying to get down your pants by encouraging you to look down his. 😉

    That’s NEVER going to happen.

    Reply

  4. skippymom
    Apr 07, 2011 @ 21:06:08

    You would think the belt would work. I will send suspenders to supplement the belt, but the idea of sending anyone underwear [even new] is kind of squeeing me out. So, suspenders it is.

    I’m about to suggest he put duct tape on his crack. Anything to keep from looking at it.

    Reply

  5. MICHELE NYC
    Apr 07, 2011 @ 21:41:56

    i just vomited in my mouth! thanks!

    No problem! I believe in sharing.

    Reply

  6. leaner
    Apr 07, 2011 @ 23:29:06

    This guy needs more than underwear. He needs a diet, a longer tshirt that tucks in, some jeans that fit, and some self respect.

    No shit, however, he thinks he looks good. Barf.

    Reply

  7. cakefaerie
    Apr 08, 2011 @ 00:15:58

    May be he just needs to tighten his belt!!!
    I must say that I have seen worse. Like a girl working with me in the cafe bending to get stuff out of diishwasher…. A lot more than that was showing!!
    Tell him it is not hygienic to let his crack out to play in a restaurant kitchen!!!

    I think he should tighten his belt…around his neck.

    Reply

  8. theblonde
    Apr 08, 2011 @ 04:26:39

    oh my.
    how does he not feel the breeze? how does the belt not work?
    HOW?

    Don’t think I haven’t asked myself (and everyone else in the restaurant) the same questions.

    Reply

  9. Rachel
    Apr 08, 2011 @ 13:38:13

    *sobs*

    How on the planet do people just walk out of their houses like that? Shouldn’t they get tackled to the ground by the human decency police before they leave the front yard? And, yeah, he totally looks like he is looking for some in a man-loving type of way. Perhaps if you showed him the picture and explained that to him, he would get a belt. Men are funny like that….

    This is sort of a recent development so all I can think is he’s trolling for chicks.

    There is no man in my life, and sadly, no spare underwear.

    Damn.

    Reply

  10. paulac7
    Apr 08, 2011 @ 14:30:36

    I think he has a twin that works in my restaurant….EEEWWW!!!! (what’s even scarier, is the ‘ass crack’ in my place of employment has massive back/butt hair, so we get blessed with fuzzy ass crack…..how’s *that* to put a little smile on your day). I play the ‘make the other staff members try to look’ game–why should us BOH people have all the fun.

    UGH! At least it isn’t hairy. I really would puke if that were the case. I trick my co-workers into looking too, and of course, I sent everyone the picture. I started an unholy war, though. Other peole have started taking pictures of DoucheBob’s ass crack and they send them to me. I can’t even open a text message anymore.

    The ‘way cool’ knife hanging off of the belt is a nice touch, though. I keep my blade in my pocket–why advertise, ya know????

    He’s a tough guy *eyeroll*

    Just…..wow…..thanks for posting this–but does he have a fly encrusted crack?? That might help in your quest for underwear–my man lets the boys swing free, so I can’t help the fund out..

    Hey, I’m all about sharing!

    Have a good one!!
    >^.^<

    Reply

  11. mrgee
    Apr 08, 2011 @ 15:08:14

    Why does this man even waste his time putting on a belt?? It has a function, SWEET JESUS WHY DOES HE NOT USE IT!?!?

    I think he views the belt as an accessory which compliments his stunning wardrobe.

    Reply

  12. Malachi The Cocktail Slinger
    Apr 09, 2011 @ 01:18:22

    You fight a dirty game, DoYou….You fight a dirty game.

    *sobs*

    *dry heaves*

    Nobody ever said I fight fair 🙂

    Reply

  13. zmanowner
    Apr 09, 2011 @ 16:55:33

    Cat

    I sent a few pair of grandpa’s old ones. But it turns out they didnt clear TSA security, so they sent them back with the folllowing message attached

    “MATERIAL HAZMAT – NEEDS TOXIC CLEAR LABEL”

    ..ZMAN SENDS

    Thanks for trying. I have a feeling DoucheBob’s pants are HAZMAT.

    Reply

  14. EM
    Apr 10, 2011 @ 04:16:00

    Can I suggest the following product?
    http://www.bofunk.com/video/2133/crack_spackle.html
    (If only it really existed!)

    That is hilarious! I wish it did exist.

    As for the daring to look thing you mentioned above we used to have the same for a flat over the road from our office where the bloke used to open the door to the mail man with only a towel wrapped round him. Since I would normally be the one nearest to the window I would notice first and a cry of “ewww..” would get everyone else looking and cursing me. (It wouldn’t have been so bad if the guy wasn’t sumo wrestling size!)

    I feel sorry for the postman…he was up close and personal.

    Reply

  15. Makya McBee
    Apr 10, 2011 @ 15:15:56

    I don’t know what everyone else is talking about…I see a perfectly lovely man expressing himself…I know what they say about the eyes, but I feel there’s more than one window to the soul.

    Would you like to come work with me and be my shield?

    Reply

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