Training and Other Assorted Crap

We had a mandatory training session this morning.  At 8:30.  Kiss my ass.  It annoyed me that it was scheduled so early in the morning, when I had to work in the afternoon.  I had a choice of 2-64 mile round trips with gas at $3.55 a gallon in a van which gets 25mpg…here, I’ll do the math…that’s approximately $9 per round trip (“but you’re getting paid $7.25/hr for the hour long session”) or spend the night with a friend.  Since someone was just too sick to work on Sunday night, and I had to work for her, I decided to spend the night with Cora.

The first time I attended one of these training sessions, I was excited.  I was going to learn new things!  I was going to learn how to make more money!  I was going to learn how to improve my service!  The seminar consisted of an hour’s worth of slides and videos on upselling.  It seems that if you sell top shelf vodka rather than well vodka you will make more money, if people tip on percentage, since the ticket price is higher.  Guess what?  We don’t sell vodka.  We don’t sell mixed drinks.  Beer and wine only.

But really?!  Gasp!  The higher the ticket price, the higher the tip?!  Seriously?! Get outta here!  (Disclaimer:  Only if people tip on a percentage and aren’t cheap fuckers.) 

After all the years I’ve been in food service, I had to have a food rep come in and tell me that the way to make more money was to get people to buy more food & drinks.  Well, if I provided excellent service, of course.  Yes, but what IS excellent service?  According to him, it’s getting people to buy appetizers, top shelf drinks, and desserts.  They came in for the entree, but selling them the extras is the way to make more money.

Did I mention he is a food rep?  Hmmm…I wonder why he would want us to sell more food?  Could it be…THAT HE MAKES MORE MONEY TOO???

That was 2 years ago. 

Pardon me if I couldn’t keep track of my verb tenses, since what I listened to this morning was the e.x.a.c.t. same thing I listened to 2 years ago.  Except, I listened to it at 8:30 AM.

Let me boil it down for you:

Higher ticket total x tip percentage = more money – no shit = a waste of my time.  Well, I got a free donut, so I guess it wasn’t a total waste of time.

Assorted Crap #1

Best Dog Otis stayed at Cora’s house, too.  Cora gave him cheese.  Cora gave him crackers.  Cora gave him candy.  Cora gave him hugs.  He tried to motorboat Cora.  When it got to be bed time, I went in the bathroom to brush my teeth and Otis went to bed with Cora.  WTF?!  Traitor dog.

Assorted Crap #2

One of the Fallen is coming back to work.  I don’t know how many times a person can be fired and get re-hired, but I think this guy holds the record.  Simply amazing.


13 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. DarcsFalcon
    Apr 19, 2011 @ 01:39:17

    Sometimes I think training sessions are really more like time-share seminars.

    Maybe worse.

    Whowhowho is it that’s coming back?

    BC Zach

    Glad you’re okay. 🙂 It seems like it’s been a while since you’ve posted.

    I’ve been really busy trying to finish some craft projects and working days I shouldn’t be working.


  2. skippymom
    Apr 19, 2011 @ 03:05:42

    Do you need me to send you candy for Otis? That made me laugh because my pups are whores too – it is whomever loves them the best at the end of the night that they leave with.

    I would be a rich woman……..

    I never thought Otis would betray me with a stranger. What a jerk.


  3. paulac7
    Apr 19, 2011 @ 06:27:53

    Training sessions suck!! Thankfully we don’t have them anymore. What used to really enrage me about them, is the “NO SHIT, SHERLOCK” factor about them–I work for a crappy chain, no high-end stuff here….

    He kept saying “Servers shouldn’t follow a script” and I wanted to say, “Why not? You are. This is the same shit I heard you say the last time you were here.”

    Too funny about Otis–My ancient Border Collie is like that, also–she *loves* everybody but us–we just exist to cater to her….

    Otis is MY dog…until there’s food.


    As always, love your blog!!

    As always, thank you!



    • paulac7
      Apr 19, 2011 @ 06:31:44

      Oh–totally missed the part about one of the ‘Fallen’ coming back–I use that term also–how creepy is that?? There is one perpetual staff member in my fine establishment that you basically have to ask mgmt on a weekly basis to see if he is employed or not– good times!!

      He went off on a pill-snorting power trip a few months ago coupled with never showing up for work on time or sometimes at all. I’m sure he’s much better now. *eyeroll*


  4. thelifeofjamie
    Apr 19, 2011 @ 06:46:20

    I would assume that after Cora fed the dog cheese, crackers and candy that he also dutch-ovened her- so you might actually be happy that he slept with her!

    What is ‘dutch-ovened’? He slept with me, but only because Cora said he couldn’t sleep with her. I might have to re-evaluate my friendship with Otis.


    • thelifeofjamie
      Apr 20, 2011 @ 07:07:48

      I can’t believe you don’t know what a dutch oven is! It’s when someone (or some animal) farts under the covers and then pulls them over your head, or lets it seep out from under the covers…

      HAHAHA! I’ve lived alone for far too long.


  5. tipsfortips
    Apr 19, 2011 @ 08:55:02

    You need to have your boss have me do your next training. There is a much better way to do these training seminars and much much better things to teach than upselling that will increase your tips.

    I thought about you during the seminar. I’ve learned more from you than I did from him. People know what upselling is all about and they get a little hostile about it.


  6. TheIdiotSpeaketh
    Apr 19, 2011 @ 12:56:11

    Gah! Is the sun even up at 830am? Are they nuts???

    I don’t know. My eyes were closed.


  7. Rachel
    Apr 19, 2011 @ 14:48:46

    Yup, I got one at 8 am this Saturday. It never fails to impress me how corporations that pay you 2.13 an hour can be so entitled to your time.

    I’m so sorry. I hope you get a free donut, too.


  8. DarcKnyt
    Apr 19, 2011 @ 16:16:30

    Training sessions can be painful no matter what time of day, no matter what the salary involved. It’s got to be interesting and fresh. Or if it’s going to be the same sh*t let those who’ve taken it already opt out.

    I guess. I don’t know, I never finished my training.

    I learned nothing new. 😦


  9. Ahmnodt Heare
    Apr 19, 2011 @ 21:21:03

    I had to watch the upselling video when I was hired as a dishwasher. What is the dishwasher supposed to upsell? “Would you like clean plates with that?”

    Ok, that is the very pinnacle of stupid.


  10. leaner
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 08:51:51

    When I was waiting tables I worked awhile for a sucky chain called Red Robin that forced upselling on us with the threat of less hours and firing if we didn’t make certain quotas. They forced us to say shit like “how ’bout a virgin pina colada” to EVERY lunch customer who ordered ice tea. And “our ranch is really good with the fries” without telling them a side of ranch is 75 cents. God it was embarassing. I could tell right away when customers were thinking “just shut up and get my tea you little twerp, I have to be back to work in 22 minutes”.
    I was always in trouble for low ticket totals.

    I never eat at certain corporate restaurants because of the bullshit it involves. I don’t want my server kneeling/sitting at my table, I don’t want things power-sold to me, and I don’t want a cheerleader as my server. I know it is not his/her fault, but it’s still freaking annoying.

    These days I am seriously annoyed by upselling, it just gets under my skin. I’ve never really tracked this, but I would’nt be surprised if I actually tipped LESS and ordered LESS when someone was obviously trying to upsell me. Just because I would want to get away from that person, and not reward them for being obnoxious.

    I know exactly what you’re talking about. We are getting new menus and I will point out our new appetizers simply because they are, well, new, but I think obvious upselling is annoying and decreases your tip.


  11. Hira Animfefte
    Apr 25, 2011 @ 10:26:53

    I hate upselling. Retail, fast food, you name it, I hate it. I’m interested in what the specials are, sure, but pushiness is always a turnoff. The Oatmeal did a cartoon on that…I’ll have to find it and post it here…

    People know when you are upselling them and they hate it. I feel like an idiot doing it so, well, I’m not doing it.


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