I don’t spend a lot of money on myself, but I do like to reward myself on occasion. The only clothes I buy have the name of the restaurant on them, which is sad because I don’t go anywhere to need decent clothes. I like earrings, but the selection around here is pretty limited. Household items aren’t rewards. So that leaves me with hair care products. I LOVE hair care products…shampoo, conditioner, gel, mousse, conditioning treatments, colour, you name it, I LOVE it.
My hair care products of choice are made by Nexxus. I swear by it, I recommend it to everyone, I should own stock in the company. I’ve tried tons of different shampoos & conditioners, and there isn’t anything better than Nexxus. However, I like to mix things up. I like different scents and seeing what different products will do with my unruly mass of hair. One thing is certain though, if I notice that the ends of my hair are brittle, the product goes in the ‘free’ bin at work no matter what I paid for it. I will not tolerate dry, crunchy hair.
So last night, I was wandering around Walmart, feeling a little low, and I decided to treat myself to some hair stuff. The first thing I found was a deep conditioning treatment called Henna N Placenta. Whaaat?! I read the package:
- Strengthens and repairs dry, brittle, lifeless hair
- Will not change hair color
- Natures most complete conditioning treatment
- Ideal for extremely damaged hair
- Extra-rich super strength
An extra rich formula combining two of nature’s most complete hair conditioners… neutral henna and natural placenta. Together for the first time to quickly repair and strengthen dry, brittle, lifeless hair. Will not change hair color. The result is ravishingly beautiful hair with manageability you never before thought possible. Placenta extract , derived from animal placenta, is combined with amino proteins to revitalize and protect every hair type.
I nearly threw up. I don’t care how you dress it up, or what type of fancy pants rhyming name you give it, it’s AFTERBIRTH and AFTERBIRTH looks like this:
I’ve seen more than my share of AFTERBIRTH laying out in my parent’s corrals covered in cow shit and flies. There is no fucking way anything like that is going in my hair. Barf.
I picked out Samy shampoo & conditioner because they smell like oranges, and some Samy Big Curls gel because it didn’t leave a sticky residue when it squirted up my nose. These products were pretty cheap so I’m not holding out much hope for them, but the scent will be a nice change once a week.
Then I wandered over to the clearance aisle because, every now and then, I find half price Nexxus products. Did I mention how expensive this shit is? I spend $30 a month on conditioner alone. There were tons of perfumes on clearance. I hate perfume and wonder why every celebrity has to have their own scent. What does perfume by Lindsay Lohan or Paris Hilton smell of? I’m guessing it’s bar smoke, cocaine, entitlement and dirty sex. No thanks.
I believe in truth in advertising. Notice the pictures of the men using the Back & Body Extendable Groomer. They don’t need it. This guy does:
This guy doesn’t:
But what is going to sell more products? It’s like women’s girdle ads:
She doesn’t need one.
Who are you going to buy from? Frankly, if I’m looking for a girdle I want to see the fat girl so I get a better idea of what it will do for me. There’s no girdle in the world that will make me look like the first picture…unless it comes with free liposuction, a nutritionist and a personal trainer. Likewise, the Back & Body groomer should show pictures of what it really can do rather than what the customer wants it to do.