Just Another Day at the Homestead

Y’all are going to be so happy when I go back to work and can write about the asshole people I see rather than the asshole stuff that happens around my house.  Just a few more days and I’ll be back on topic.  I promise.

If you are the least bit squeamish, don’t read any more of this post.  I’m not gonna lie, this will freak out pretty much everyone.

You’ve been warned.

A few years ago I had a potbellied pig.  She croaked.  I always wondered why she didn’t decompose.  I have the answer.

Earlier this week the neighbour’s dogs were loose and fighting with my dogs through the fence.  The irony of this is a week before, the neighbour chewed my ass for my dogs being loose, so I fixed my fence, and got out the shock collars in order to be a responsible pet owner and good neighbour.  Since I was outside with the dogs at the time of the fight, they didn’t have their shock collars on, and they were happily tearing the shit out of my physical fence and ripping down the wire for the electric fence.  I went over to the fence to stop the fight and I noticed a dead cat in the neighbour’s vacant lot.

There are hundreds of feral cats out here.  They wander in or get dumped off and then they have more feral cats.  I bring scraps home so they are the fattest feral cats in the world.  But a few die every year.  Roadkill, dog kill, old age kill, winter kill, whatever. 

This cat looked like it had been dead since early winter since it was all deflated and worn out.  The younger of the neighbour’s dogs alternated between fighting with my dogs and chewing on the dead cat.  I hoped he would take it home with him as a housewarming gift, but when she finally called them home, he left the corpse.

Today, right at this minute, I am sitting in my computer chair, looking out the window at my trespassing ducks eating the bugs from under the dead cat in a torrential downpour.  This is why the pig didn’t rot.  The ducks ate all the decomp bugs away. 

This really ruins my body disposal plan.  I always thought if the time came I could throw body parts in the yard and the ducks would pick them clean.  (The pig would do it faster AND eat the bones, but, well, she croaked so she’s no help at all.)  Now I know the ducks would pick the bugs off the parts and I’d just have mummified human bits in my yard.  Not a good thing.  Damned useless ducks.

Back to square one, I guess.


9 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Sparty Girl
    May 19, 2011 @ 15:54:33

    You win the prize… this has got to be one of the strangest things I’ve ever heard.

    That says a lot since you’ve known me so long. 🙂


  2. skippymom
    May 19, 2011 @ 17:32:59

    Okay, so I had no comment, because..well..but I am going to second Ms. Sparty Girl’s comment and go with that.

    Strange. Please go back to work. I beg of you :giggle:

    I am strange.


  3. DarcKnyt
    May 19, 2011 @ 17:45:54

    I found this post interesting. It raises questions about bacterial decomposition and why it might not be occurring too, at least to me. To make a mummy, all the innards have to be removed or the outside protected, like in peat bog mummies.

    The pig went all mummy and her innards were still there. I didn’t look. Just guessing.

    Very intriguing. There’s a great story in there somewhere I bet.

    That *was* the story.


  4. Anton
    May 19, 2011 @ 19:06:13

    Goddamned ducks. They are always trouble.

    They are.


  5. DarcsFalcon
    May 19, 2011 @ 23:55:53

    That’s … gross. But it makes sense. All I’ve seen on decomp, it is the bugs that do it. That, and animals eating the remains. I guess the ducks didn’t let anything like crows get at the body either. Weird.

    The ducks don’t let much of anything in their yard. The cats run through it, but they don’t slow down to look around.

    That body farm down in TN might like to hear from you, now that I think about it.

    And so would several law enforcement officials. 😉


  6. izziedarling
    May 21, 2011 @ 16:24:11

    Oh, this is good, really good.



  7. Hira Animfefte
    May 21, 2011 @ 20:18:11

    What about burying the damn thing? Surely the ground is full of microorganisms that’ll decomp animals down to bones? At the least, you won’t have to look at it.

    Bury or burn it. I vote for bury…less stink.

    Burn it? Ugh. The smell would be awful. I buried the pig last year, the dead cat’s not on my property & not my problem.

    And…Off topic, but why haven’t we heard about your roommate lately?

    I promised the Roommate I wouldn’t write about him, so I haven’t. He’s still here and all is well.


  8. watergirl
    May 23, 2011 @ 21:54:36

    I admit I was a bit worried over the warning (thank you, by the way!). However, since there weren’t pictures and I found your hilarious post about the pig’s burial, it was WELL worth the risk!

    I’m glad I didn’t scare you off.



    • watergirl
      May 25, 2011 @ 01:03:18

      Not possible! You make me laugh even when all I want to do is crawl into a hole and pull it in after me. 🙂

      I’m glad to hear that. 🙂



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