Long story short, my friend Sunni wears big gaudy earrings and the woman who owns the gift shop across from the new restaurant bitches about them every time she comes in to eat. One night she told Sunni she should go to her store and buy some decent earrings. Sunni told her, “If you don’t like my earrings, I can guarantee I won’t like what you’re selling.”
To annoy Sunni, I decided to go across the street and buy some cool earrings. My plan was to wait for her to be envious and ask where I got them. Yeah, we have that kind of relationship.
I was standing in an aisle, trying to decide between two pairs of earrings when a woman walked by. A toxic green cloud of gas followed behind her. I gagged, and without thinking, shouted, “Holy cow! Did you shit your pants?” The woman turned around and glared at me and I realized it was the owner of the gift shop.
Even though I was pretty offended, I still bought the earrings and went to work. When Sunni got there I had to tell her the crop dusting story, and therefore ruined any chance for envy. She insisted I tell the owners, which I did and everyone had a good hard laugh.
Not 10 minutes after I told the story, the store owner came into the restaurant to order something to go. She saw me and nearly fell over. Of course, everyone had a lot of trouble keeping a straight face and she barely made it out the door before Sunni and I started giggling.
Honestly, she had some cool earrings, but I don’t appreciate getting crop dusted. I doubt I’ll go back. I also have a tendency to wear gaudy earrings, and it’s a matter of time before she starts nagging me about visiting her store for something better. I wonder what I will say when the time comes…