Last night I went to work still pissed off about Friday night. On the way over I decided I wasn’t going to be a team player. I wasn’t going to be everybody’s best friend. Lily decided not to show up and Glory covered her shift. Fuck everyone.
Guess who had a great night? Me. Guess who didn’t? Everyone else.
The Neurotic asked, “Are you busy?”
“Can you help me?”
And so it went all night long.
Tall Girl knew better than to even ask.
I didn’t run anyone’s food. I didn’t run anyone’s drinks. I used the extra time to take care of MY tables and let the other two sink to the bottom.
The Neurotic couldn’t figure out how she got so swamped with two big tables and had to be skipped 3 times in the rotation. Uh…cuz I wasn’t doing half your work for you and you suck. She ended up with 2 pissed off tables.
All night Pro Rodeo kept running up to me and frantically asking, “Who has Table 6 or 3 or 1 or 2 or 16 or…?” I just answered, “Not me,” and kept walking. Not my fucking problem. Argue with me again in front of one of my tables and get me stiffed on an $85 ticket and watch your dining room go down in flames. Tell me I suck at waiting tables and I’ll give you ample examples of people who suck at their jobs.
Tall Girl had one woman come to the bar and yell, “Can we get some attention at our table?” Pro Rodeo looked at me, cuz of course it HAD to be my table. I shrugged and said, “Not mine.” The woman was pissed not because they didn’t have water and every one of their soda glasses was empty, but because Tall Girl is tall and pretty. What-fucking-ever.
So at the end of the night when we were all sitting at the bar discussing what went wrong I mentioned that everyone needs to calm the fuck down and stop running through the dining room.
“Running shows you’re hustling and tables appreciate that,” Tall Girl told us.
“Yeah, if you’re working in a truck stop. Is this a truck stop or a fine dining restaurant?”
“Well, it’s fine dining.”
“Then stop acting like you’re in a track meet. Customers see you running and out of control and they they think there’s a problem. Sooner or later they will find a problem.”
“Glory, you’re just saying that cuz you can’t run,” Al-Quieda joined in.
Keep talking and I’ll run your ass down.