Day Shift

This woman came in for lunch today.  It didn’t end well.

I’m going to be clear about this:  I hate day shifts.  I have trouble sleeping at night, and the last thing I want to do when I fall asleep sometime between 4 & 6 am is get up at 8:30 and go to work.  I.Hate.It.  On the plus side though, my Other Boyfriend works day shift, and it’s fun to hang out with him, but not more than once a week.  I tend to get a little bitchy after the second day shift. 

I had 5 or 6 tables when Pro Rodeo told me he seated another table in the front dining room, but he would get them.  I told him I had things under control and I could take them.  He said, “No, it’s that bitch you don’t like and I’m afraid you’ll scratch her eyes out.”

Fair enough.

He took their order and brought their drinks.  I had a table next to theirs and as I pre-bused it, a knife fell on the carpet.  There was no way I could bend over without dropping more stuff, plus I was having a conversation with the table, so I used my foot to scoot the knife against the wall.  (Also, unless I can find a graceful way to bend over and pick up stuff, I do NOT bend over in the dining room.  No one wants to see my big ass in the air.)  The people left and I started cleaning their table.  The bitch woman called me over to her table and said, “I want to remind you about that knife on the floor.”

You really don't want me to pick up the knife.

Are you fucking kidding me?  If it’s bothering you that badly, you can pull that stick out of your ass and pick it up yourself.  At that point I wouldn’t have picked it up if there had been a solid gold bar under it.  Go fuck yourself.

I smiled sweetly at her, thanked her for reminding me, finished cleaning off the table, and walked away.  Shoving my middle finger up her nose would have been a more subtle way of telling her to fuck off.

I found Pro Rodeo and told him she would probably complain.  He said, “I’d like to stick my dick in her ear, so I could fuck some sense into her.”

He never did tell me whether or not she complained…he probably didn’t want to bail me out of jail for cunt punting her on main street.

She needs to find somewhere else to have lunch on my one day shift.


9 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. DarcsFalcon
    Jul 20, 2011 @ 23:22:59

    I want to remind you?! Uh, yeah, sure, okay MOM. *eyeroll*

    Yeah, she’d get on my nerves too.

    Kind of like Pro Rodeo’s opinion of things. That made me laugh!

    All I could think was, ‘Bitch, I don’t see your name on my paycheck.’ I’m still dumbfounded at the nerve.


  2. JDMcDonald
    Jul 21, 2011 @ 01:08:37

    I totally get why you hate this woman. I’ve read only a few months of your blog but am in concert with you on dealing with difficult people.
    I get that you couldn’t get the knife on the first go-round, and it seems like you have no assistants where you work, but have you heard of the ‘Bunny Dip’?
    I first saw the move in a tragic movie “Star Eighty.” The move is a tecnique for retrieving items from the floor without bending and exposing your ass. Originally used at the Playboy Club so even in their short skirts the servers would not compromise their dignity I have used it throughout my professional career. I am a man BTW. No-one wants my ass in their face. Keep On Keeping On. I know this gets better.

    I do the ‘bunny dip’ and had intended on picking up the knife that way on my last trip of cleaning the table. A dirty table is more obvious to new customers than a knife against the wall. I wanted to have a clean dining room first, but after she reminded me, that knife stayed there as long as she did.


  3. wigsf
    Jul 21, 2011 @ 03:58:10

    I’m proud of you for not stabbing her. You showed some restraint. Good for you. I know it couldn’t have been easy.

    I’ve grown so much.


  4. Rebel
    Jul 21, 2011 @ 05:31:29

    Ok I think the line about Pro Rodeo ear-fucking her is probably the funniest thing I have read/heard all week. Made my morning!

    He’s full of stuff like that. He used to manage huge cattle/dude ranches and he’s not really fit for polite company.


  5. thelifeofjamie
    Jul 21, 2011 @ 06:38:18

    That ear thing is hilarious!

    It made me laugh out loud.


  6. DarcKnyt
    Jul 21, 2011 @ 08:11:55

    Big ear or small …? Hm…

    I’m guessing squeezed up and tight, just like the rest of her.


  7. Sparty Girl
    Jul 21, 2011 @ 09:31:22

    Amazing. Sounds like Pro Rodeo has got his head back on straight.

    He calmed down and he’s much better. I offered to share some anti-anxiety meds with him.


  8. paulac7
    Jul 21, 2011 @ 16:25:46

    LOVE the ear-fucking line–now that is priceless……wish I had cool managers like that–one is about half that cool, but the other 2 couldn’t manage their ass with both hands.


    He’s always saying mean shit about the customers. That’s why I fit in so well.


  9. Hira Animfefte
    Jul 21, 2011 @ 19:38:36

    Now I’m wondering about her ear size. Do her ears hang low, do they wobble to and fro…?

    There is nothing about this woman that wobbles. She’s so uptight I’m surprised she can shit.

    It does sound like the Pro Rodeo we all know and love is back. 🙂

    He’s been much better since the 4th of July.


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