Last night I was sitting at the bar eating before my shift when Sunni walked by and said, “Go help Al-Quieda.”

I looked around.  I was pretty much the only person in the restaurant.  He didn’t need my help cooking, and besides, I’m a server, not a cook.

I heard her say to Pro Rodeo, “I think Al-Quieda is going to need some stitches.”


This was supposed to be a picture of a cut finger, but you don't want to see what I found on Google. Go ahead, try it yourself.

I went into the kitchen and there he was, walking around with a blood soaked paper towel on his finger.  I had him take the paper towel off, and he was missing the side of his left index finger.  Oh yeah, that’s bad.

Sunni had dumped out the gigantic first aid kit on the counter.  Nothing except little bandages and Excedrin.  That’s not going to work.  Then I remembered my son’s car is loaded with big ass gauze pads, tape, and ace bandages since he’s spent most of the summer trying not to lose his hand.  I walked out back to the car, bandaged up Al-Quieda’s finger and Pro Rodeo sent him to the ER.

Things went downhill after that.  Luckily we weren’t very busy or the kitchen would have gone down in flames.  It wasn’t horrible, but things are a lot more calm and go smoother when Al-Quieda’s in the kitchen. 

Today I was at the bar eating after my day shift (have I mentioned how much I hate days?) when the Host with the Most came in.  He asked if anything interesting happened on his day off.

“Al-Quieda tried to kill himself while cutting bread.”

“Why was he cutting bread?”

“We needed it, I guess.”

“Yes, but there are expendable people to do that.  What do you think Sherry is for?  No one would miss her.”

Good point.

For those of you in the Al-Quieda fan club, he’s okay and will be back to rock the kitchen tomorrow, but no more sharp objects for him.



10 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Skippymom
    Jul 27, 2011 @ 19:11:45

    Ouch, no kidding. Give him our best [telepathically of course so you don’t have to explain someone named “Skippy”] – and host with the most cracks me up. Yeah, let Sherry cut bread.

    He’s aware of the blog so he knows about his fan club. THwtM is a pretty funny guy.


  2. DarcKnyt
    Jul 27, 2011 @ 19:41:35

    Well. At least he’s all right. Nice to have a mobile ER on hand, eh? 🙂

    We’re just a few blocks from the ER, which is pretty nice. o_O


  3. Fuck My Table
    Jul 27, 2011 @ 20:55:48

    Three times I have walked into the kitchen to see a finger or hand pouring blood. All three times it was due to the cook’s impatience with something and/or their inability to do things carefully. Both of which stem from disregard for their personal safety. All three times I wanted to vomit. There was SO. MUCH. BLOOD.

    There was a lot of blood and it’s a good thing it doesn’t bother me. The after effects…stitches, open wounds, missing parts…will make me throw up and/or pass out, but I’m okay with blood. It was a new bread knife. I don’t know who started that bullshit wisdom of ‘you’ll cut yourself worse with a dull knife than a sharp one’.

    I was tempted to Google cut finger but decided against it.

    Don’t do it. I nearly passed out in my chair. Holy fuck.


    • Fuck My Table
      Jul 29, 2011 @ 22:38:32

      They say a cut from a dull knife takes longer to heal since a dull knife tends to rip the skin instead of leaving a clean cut. In my opinion, any kind of cut from any kind of knife is bad, end of story.

      I cut myself to the bone with a butter knife one time. It was awful.


      • Fuck My Table
        Aug 02, 2011 @ 22:51:31

        I cut my thumb with a serrated plastic knife once. Christ, it was bad. Not to the bone, but I suspect it was pretty close. Worse, I did it at school. The school nurse kept asking where I got a knife and I kept trying to explain that I did it with a plastic knife. I think she only believed me because two classmates saw me do it.


  4. Fuck My Table
    Jul 27, 2011 @ 20:59:29

    Speaking of cut fingers, did you know there’s a video on YouTube of Chef Gordon Ramsay cutting his finger on the Ellen Degeneres show, right after he described how to be careful and NOT cut your finger? I cracked up.

    I haven’t seen it. That guy makes me laugh.


  5. wigsf
    Jul 28, 2011 @ 04:00:44

    I had a tablesaw backfire on me a couple days ago. Piece of medical grade plastic richocheted off my stomach and into a another guy’s ass.

    Oh, so that’s the story you two are using. 😉


  6. Sparty Girl
    Jul 28, 2011 @ 09:01:18

    I’m glad he’s going to be ok. I’m surprised there aren’t more accidents in restaurant kitches, to be honest. Lots of safety hazards there.

    I’m surprised too. The entire place is one big accident waiting to happen.


  7. Rachel
    Jul 28, 2011 @ 14:31:22

    Ugh. I used to want to be a nurse. Then, I saw my first cut finger in the restaurant kitchen. I’m cool with blood, but it almost made me pass out. It’s not the blood that does me in, it’s the torn/hanging flesh.

    I’ve never wanted to be a nurse. “Get better or die” is my philosophy.

    I’m with Sparty Girl. Honestly, between the dodging of labor laws and safety hazzards, most restaurants are basically sitting on lawsuits about to happen.

    I hope Al Qieda is well.

    He’s good.


  8. DarcsFalcon
    Jul 28, 2011 @ 14:40:57

    Whew! I’m glad he’s going to be okay! Yep, no more chef’s knives for the chef! LOL Next he’ll learn to juggle with them just to prove to everyone he can handle it. 😉

    “expendable people” – hahahahahaha! Now now, we’re ALL special! 😉

    Some of us are more special than others.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: