I’m Stealing

Several of my fellow server bloggers have great on-going features and today I’m going to tap into their genius.  Yeah, I’m lazy.

You Just Got Sat has a running feature on How You Know You Won’t Get a Good Tip (“start at the beginning and when you get to the end…stop”).  I know I won’t get a good tip when I hear the word, “lovely” (pronounced luuvly). 

For example, when I seat someone, hand them menus and I hear, “Thank you.  That was luuvly” I know my tip percentage dropped from 20% to 18%.  When I take their order and I hear, “The shrimp scampi sounds luuvly”, I know my percentage is hovering at around 15%.  “The food looks luuvly” means 12% and “Dessert would be luuvly” is a head throbbing 8%.  Throw in a few other random “luuvlys” (“The wine is luuvly” “The silverware is luuvly”) and I’m working for free.

So who is responsible for the gross overuse of my most hated word?  The British.  The fucking British.

I get to the point where I want to scream, “LISTEN YOU CHEAP BASTARDS, I DON’T CARE HOW YOU DO IT ACROSS THE POND, HERE WE WORK FOR TIPS SO STOP TELLING ME HOW LUUVLY EVERYTHING IS, REACH INTO YOUR WALLET AND PUT YOUR MONEY WHERE YOUR MOUTH IS.  YES, I KNOW THE SKY IS “LUUVLY” AND THE STREET IS “LUUVLY” AND EVEN OUR GARBAGE IS “LUUVLY”, BUT I CAN’T PAY MY BILLS WITH “LUUVLY”

A handful of British and I can guarantee a 10% night.

Luuvly.

Assholes.

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. zmanowner
    Sep 17, 2011 @ 16:30:11

    Ummmm Your post was luvly *Zman cringes awtg things thrown at him*….you have tapped into the innerconcious on the patron…your my hero…who is the picture of…..funny stuff…zman sends

    Reply

  2. DarcsFalcon
    Sep 18, 2011 @ 21:21:44

    Oooh, what a lovely post! *snicker*

    Here’s to a rash of 25% nights! 🙂

    Reply

  3. Sunny
    Sep 23, 2011 @ 10:35:29

    Three words….gratuity not included.

    LOL You should be grateful…at the restaurant I work at, we get BUSLOADS of tourists. Most do NOT tip. I try to make the best of it though and we have a lot of fun with the tourists. Most are here for the trip of a lifetime, I try to make it a positive, memorable experience.

    Reply

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