“It Doesn’t Matter”

First, some bitching:

When I work a day shift, I’m the server, cashier, hostess, buser, and bartender.  Yep, I’m pretty much by myself.  Pro Rodeo helps out of we are busy, but for the most part I’m on my own.  So, when seating people I try to keep them in the front dining room…it’s closer to the kitchen, bar, and register, the tables are easier to clean, and I can spend less time running around and more time actually serving customers.  When I greet people at the door I ask if they would like the front or the back dining room.  Four out of five people say, “It doesn’t matter” and then immediately change their mind when I put the menus on a front table. 


Keep smiling. I'm going to slug you in the gut before long.

“It doesn’t matter” means just that…you don’t care where you sit as long as you sit.  “It doesn’t matter” doesn’t mean you don’t care as long as I can read your mind and give you the table you want.  I’M NOT A MIND READER and this shit makes me want to punch people in the stomach as I walk by (ala Steve Martin to John Candy in ‘Planes, Trains and Automobiles’).

Now a story from when I was gone.

Michele left last week and I’m lonely.  We had tons of fun in the 2 1/2 months she was here. 

Why was she here an extra 2 weeks? 

Because she broke her foot cleaning my yard. 

People who know me accused me of:  pushing her down, stomping on her foot, or running her over.  Those are vile people. 

The truth is, I was on my deck picking a sticker out of my sock when I heard a thump.  I looked over and Michele was on the ground with her foot in a trash can of grass clippings and dog shit while Sienna stood over her with a ‘WTF?’ look on her face.  My first thought was that Sienna (who outweighs Michele by 10 pounds) knocked her down.  My second thought was, “Kwitcherbitchin’.  You can’t break your foot by toppling over.”  I was wrong on both. 

Sad thing is, we were sober.  It would have been much funnier if we were drunk.



9 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. DarcKnyt
    Oct 30, 2011 @ 16:06:26

    Yikes. I hope your friend gets better quickly.

    She’s hobbling around the icy streets of NY.


  2. Nancy
    Oct 30, 2011 @ 19:39:12

    We have a “Please Wait To Be Seated” sign posted in the front. I, too, am the hostess, server, buss person, cashier etc. I look at the sign to wait to be seated mostly as a stop sign. That way I can see who has entered the restaurant, instead of people seating themselves on dirty tables and me thinking that they are still the old table that was sitting there previously. I have pretty much given up on seating people. No one ever thinks that where I seat them is a good spot. “How about a window seat?” Nope, we prefer a dark corner. “How about a cozy table for 2?” No, we want a huge table so that we can spread out. Whatever.
    But what really chaps me is when they want the one dirty table in the place. Are you kidding me? It doesn’t get me so much when it’s not that busy. I have to clean it anyway. But when I am weeded and there is a dirty table (or two) it is dirty for a reason. Pick a different one. Is it really that big of a deal?

    That happened the other day and Pro Rodeo cleaned off the table. I would have told them to go fuck themselves. When I go out to eat, I’m just happy to be seated.

    P.S. I’m so glad to see you back! I missed you.


  3. wigsf
    Oct 31, 2011 @ 03:34:57

    everything’s funnier when your drunk

    That is true.


  4. Sparty Girl
    Oct 31, 2011 @ 09:59:15

    Stop giving people choices. Just don’t ask. Put them where you want them. If they ask for the back, you’re sorry, but the back dining room is closed. Period.

    Pro Rodeo insists we be nice to people or some shit and let them choose their seat. LIfe would be so much easier if we could use ONE dining room during the day. I don’t care which one, but ONE.

    I’m glad you got to spend extra time with Michele, but I’m sorry that it happened because she got hurt. I hope she feels better.

    She should have stayed here longer. It’s snowing in NY, but it’s nearly 70 degrees here.


  5. Fuck My Table
    Oct 31, 2011 @ 10:33:09

    I’m glad you’re back! I’ve missed you. 🙂
    I agree with Sparty Girl. Don’t give ’em a choice. If I have more than one open table in my section, I’ll offer them an either-or so they feel like they have some choice. It’s like dealing with 2-year-olds. You don’t ask them what they want to eat…you ask them if they want chicken or if they want fish. It never occurs to them that there are other choices. Of course, adults sometimes do but in that case, “NO, that table is not available.” If they said they didn’t care, then you don’t have to care either.

    You aren’t supposed to give people choices…it should always be an “or” situation, but Pro Rodeo insists on letting people feel special by choosing their seat. I think they should be happy to get a fucking table.


  6. Anton
    Oct 31, 2011 @ 13:01:48

    A friend of mine broke an ankle and dislocated the other one falling off a sidewalk recently, so I totally believe it. Ouch. (Also, I’ve missed your posts! Glad to see you aren’t in jail for forking someone in the eye.)

    Lately, I’ve gone from wanting to fork someone in the eye to wanting to stab them with a butcher knife. Over and over and over.


  7. DarcsFalcon
    Nov 01, 2011 @ 00:13:47

    Oh no! I’m so sorry about your friend! I hope she heals up quickly. And that she’s thankful you didn’t take pictures of her on her butt to post on the blog. 😉

    She has pictures of me she could post. o_O

    It’s good to see you. 🙂 I hope you’re well! You’ll need to fill us in on the “ton of fun” you had during your friend’s visit. Like, did she give the roommate any grief? LOL 🙂

    She wanted to, but I held her back.


  8. onechunkymama
    Nov 02, 2011 @ 15:59:51

    Sorry your friend got hurt, and sorrier that you will be missing her company.


  9. Hira Animfefte
    Nov 14, 2011 @ 19:55:08

    Sorry about your friend! 😦

    I agree with everybody who says you should not have to give people options of where to sit.

    I’ve stopped giving them options. They can complain once they’re seated.


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