I Swear I’m Going to Snap

There are three things that irritate the shit out of me at work.  Okay, there are probably more than that, but these three things are going to make me stab someone one of these days.

1.  The wine.  We have 10 ounce glasses.  They are tall and pretty.  We serve 6 ounces of wine.  A 6 ounce pour in a 10 ounce glass.  Customers pay by the OUNCE not by the GLASS.  Most higher class restaurants have big glasses so the wine can open up and breathe.  This is important with good wine, but I guess it doesn’t matter when you order cheap assed box wine.  We don’t have different glasses for different grades of wine.  Sorry.  If you google an image of a wine glass you get this:

This is what a glass of wine in a restaurant looks like.

 I swear if one more person bitches about “half a glass” of wine, I’m going to punch them in the face.  When someone bitches about it, the first thing that goes through my mind is “trailer trash”.  Yeah, that’s right, bitching shows you are used to dining at places where they serve jug wine in plastic cups.  I fully expect you to pick up your soup bowl and slurp the dregs down your gullet.

Last summer I had a guy raise such a stink about it I nearly lost my job because, of course, *I* established the pour amount when I opened the restaurant.  I also bought the wine glasses.  I’m the bartender as well. 

Eat shit.

He told Pro Rodeo I was a terrible server and he never wanted me to wait on him again.  All over a four dollar glass of box wine.  Now when he comes in he gets a different server a full glass of wine, 9 ounces, and pays for two glasses of wine.  Who’s the dummy?  If he ordered two 6 ounces glasses he would pay $8 for 12 ounces, but since he’s such an ass, he pays $8 for 9 ounces.  I want to call him a dumbshit and cut his throat with a broken wine glass every time I see him.

 (There will be more posts on this asswipe, but usually when I think of him I’m in such a rage I can’t form words.  Stories on him have to sneak up on me while I’m listening to soothing music, otherwise I want to get out my knife and stabandstabandstab.)

The irony is that if any of these douchebags orders a carafe of wine, they pour until their glass is just over half full…6 ounces.  Fucktards.

You won't die if you don't get some.

2.  The bread.  If you go to Pizza Hut and order a pizza, any size, any toppings, do you get bread with it? 

If you go to Rose’s Diner and order a small salad, do you get bread with it? 


Servers get stiffed, berated, and kicked around for not bringing bread with every menu item. 

A cannoli?  Here’s your garlic bread. 

A hamburger on a bun?  Here’s some more bread. 

You want an order of bread?  Okay, here’s your bread to go with your bread. 

Seriously, fuck off.  Chances are you’re fat enough without gorging on bread.

3.  The salad dressing.  When you order a salad, say what type of dressing you want with it or ask what the dressing choices are.  Don’t just sit there looking like a cow wanting to be milked.  When I look at you to see if maybe, just maybe, you will tell me your dressing choice without a prompt, don’t shout, “A salad!  I want a salad!” at me like I’m either deaf or stupid.  I’m neither.

However, I am borderline psychotic and after I’ve asked 72 people a day what kind of fucking dressing they want, I long to smash in the 73rd person’s head.  Do you want to gamble on what number you are?  Really?  Cuz, I swear, someday I’m going to be posting from the county jail over this shit.


14 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. AnneMarie Blum
    Jan 29, 2012 @ 18:52:10

    You so need a vacation. =(
    Don’t go to jail, jump in your vehicle and head to FL, I’ll hide you!

    Jail = 3 hots and a cot. You also get a cool orange jumpsuit and orange sneakers. It is almost as tempting as a Florida vacation.


  2. skippymom
    Jan 29, 2012 @ 19:00:31

    I kid you not. . .Pooldad and I were talking about that Karen Black movie today and how freaking scary it was “way back when”. He laughed when I showed him your pic’.

    I always have that image in my head, only it’s me with the knife. HA! I watched The Trilogy of Terror last year and it wasn’t nearly as scary as it was when I was a kid.

    We took our girls out to lunch today and I think our waitress was in la-la land [she was also the bartender and it was slo-o-o-w]. She asked my 14 year old if she wanted “ranch or bleu cheese” to go along with her Caeser Salad. My daughter looked at her, quite perplexed, and said, politely “No thank you.” She then offered her additional sauces for her main course [which was already served with a sauce] and again my daughter politely declined. We were her only table and when she wasn’t serving us she was just standing around – no one was drinking today, it seems, but she appeared to be trying to cover her bases at every turn with the damn dressings/sauces. I get not wanting to be run ragged or if it is busy [NOT on the Caesar tho’] but none of us looks as tho’ we mainline the stuff – why offer it up when we didn’t ask.

    She was nice enough and it wasn’t anything that would affect her tip. . .it was just weird.

    My strangest experience was when I ordered a Caesar salad and the server asked what type of dressing I wanted for my side salad. Uh…I ordered a big salad for dinner, why am I getting a side salad? She insisted a salad came with everything. Alrighty, then…

    Maybe your server read the tripe from that woman who wants extra condiments with everything…you know who I’m talking about. HAHAHAHA!


  3. DarcKnyt
    Jan 29, 2012 @ 19:50:53

    Actually, I don’t think you’ll get to blog from the county jail. Do they have a signal there? Maybe you can use your phone call to connect to a modem and blog? Hm.

    The last time I was in jail, they took my phone and my hair tie. I didn’t care about the phone, but I was ready to shank someone for a hair tie.


    • DarcKnyt
      Jan 30, 2012 @ 08:14:10

      Hahahaha! Shanking someone for a hair tie would be an AWESOME thriller! You come up with some great plots.


      • Hira Animfefte
        Feb 01, 2012 @ 01:12:23

        That sounds like something that would happen in a Janet Evanovich novel–something in the Stephanie Plum series. Which reminds me, I want to see that movie based on the first book: “One For The Money.” It won’t be as good as the book, of course; they never are…


  4. DarcsFalcon
    Jan 30, 2012 @ 00:01:54

    Aw, don’t let the dumbass “$9 for a glass of wine” guy piss you off. I bet he’s a cheap tipper. He’s probably related to Sandusky anyway. You’re better off without him. 🙂


  5. wigsf3
    Jan 30, 2012 @ 05:23:25

    Wine is for pretentious fops anyway. “are you sure you’d like the wine? We have some really nice bourbon.”


  6. Becki
    Jan 30, 2012 @ 07:01:55

    I hate talking to stupid people,in my business,it’s dealing with them and sometimes a maniac dog ,bouncing and growling and running all over off leash….really???? your dog is NOT that smart and neither are you to trust that dog off leash in a busy parking lot and other crazy ass dogs.


  7. Bob
    Jan 30, 2012 @ 07:42:15

    Caesar salad for me, every time.


  8. The Good Greatsby
    Jan 30, 2012 @ 18:32:54

    Ha! I’m always cautious when interacting with a waitress to consider whether she’s had this exact same conversation fifty times that day.


  9. Hira Animfefte
    Feb 01, 2012 @ 01:09:55

    I blame The Olive Garden and Outback Steakhouse for the idiot bread thing. Most chain restaurants, really: they load you up on bread (or nachos, if it’s Mexican or TexMex) while you wait for your food. I’ll bet they get less appetizer orders as a result. I know it cuts down on my appetizer orders. Well, I’m not a really big eater, so I usually wind up taking half my entree home anyway, even if I eat as much as I can. Unless it’s a tapas restaurant!

    I have absolutely no explanation for the idiot wine thing. Do the customers know it comes in a box? Is this the house wine? I hear some box wine is actually pretty decent. Then again, my brother is fond of Boone’s Farm. Do they get Boone’s Farm out West where you live? It’s basically a glorified wine cooler. Or so I hear. I have never personally tried it. My brother, who has inexplicably retained his fratboy tastes, is still a fan. And he can even afford real wine now. Good wine even! 🙂


  10. Missy
    Feb 01, 2012 @ 16:05:23

    Box wine is great for parties (normally outside somewhere) with friends where you want to get drunk, quickly and cheaply. It should not be drunk at ANY resturant or bar.

    One place I used to work at was in a wine making region at offered 100+ different wines by the glass. Some were very reasonably priced and still pretty good. Then people would come in, spend an average of about $80-100 for food for 4 people, then ask for a carafe of cheap shitty box wine. I don’t get it.


  11. izziedarling
    Feb 17, 2012 @ 10:47:20

    The wine situation is beyond … idiots! Wet brains! Have found that working with the public is a lesson in … why not to work with public. meh. x iz

    I don’t know how people can be so dumb. Seriously. How do they cross the street on their own?


  12. Malusin Andrews
    Jan 24, 2013 @ 15:30:52

    Fuck’em all. I am a caregiver for the mentally retarded, I can completely relate to dealing with dumb people. The most retarded ones are the ones that have the job title of telling me what to do. We have whole team es of people making stupid decisions. If you make it a point to call bull shit without smacking somebody else or using derogatory words, things will change. I have to ask after every supervisor meeting if I used any swear words to my boss. Keep yourself in check, and but keep your self strong. And for the love of God make sure you know what your going to say is going to make someone listen.


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